Once again, the "China Doll" arguement has reared its ugly head on a Chinese adoption list where I lurk. Despite being told over and over than many Asian Americans view the term as derogatory, some parents over there insist that it is "a term of endearment." The controversy is old news and resurfaces every year or so. It has even recieved coverage in the press
The "china doll" controversy is one that has bothered me since Miss M was born. In the interest of saving time, I copied my reply below:
**quote**
My daughter was (and still is) quite attractive, but I could never put my finger on why all the ‘compliments’ we received bothered me so much. Then I read "Does Anybody Look Like Me? A Parent’s Guide to Raising Multiracial Children" by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. Although the title focuses on multiracial kids, it is very applicible to transracially adopted kids too.
The book articulated exactly what bothered me (page 22):
"Although frequent comments about a young child’s unique physical appearance ("what beautiful curls!" or "she has such beautiful golden skin!") may initially seem flattering and enjoyable (we may even assume they are positive for our child’s self esteem), eventually – as these comments singling out our child are repeated over time – they become objectifying, causing a child to feel not only awkward but ‘other’…"
"…Even though our child is getting the verbal mesage that he or she is beautiful, by being repeatedly singled out, she is also getting the nonverbal message that she is DIFFERENT. And whenever children recieve mixed messages it tends to to cause inner anxiety…"
"…For our children such praise-under-scrutiny is all too often an apology for staring at our children in the first place…"
I feel that it is my duty, especially as the caucasian parent who did not have to suffer a lifetime of racial discrimination, to be vigilant about protecting my daughter’s budding self image in every possible way. I can’t understand why someone would defend the use of terminology that is clearly viewed as discriminatory by adults of the same ethnicity of his or her child. There are many examples of derogatory terms that were at one time considered "terms of endearment," but now that we know they are hurtful, we don’t use them.
I try to parent by the philosophy of "when you know better, you do better." If people are trying to teach me something, even if I don’t understand the reasoning right away, I try to learn it. Maybe those parents who are arguing in favor of "china dolls" would be better off if they tried to adopt a better-safe-than-sorry approach to things that may be hurtful to their children.
**end quote**
"Does Anybody Look Like Me?" is a great book. I really helped me learn to articulate my concerns about all the ‘compliments’ Miss M recieves and lots of other issues we face as a multiracial family. I heartily recommend the book.
Back to the controversy though.
I simply don’t understand why people just don’t get it. I feel like I am bashing my head against a wall and going in circles when I try to explain it.
I just want to take people by the shoulders and shake them. I should be enough for people to tell you that it is hurtful. I don’t understand why someone would be so stubborn, trying to prove that it isn’t a racial term to them. If they are a white person in American, of course it isn’t! They aren’t the one facing racial/racist comments every single day. By saying that "china doll" comments are not based on race, is like saying race doesn’t matter. It is, and it does.
I don’t wish pain on their children, but I really fear what these parents may face as their children enter adolescence. I have been slowly exposing myself to writings by transracially/internationally adopted teens and adults, and it isn’t always a happy ending. I am hoping that A and I can prepare ourselves and learn from the mistakes of those who walked the path we are just beginning. I just want to be able to tell my children that I did my best and tried to protect them from pain when I could.