I firmly believe the lessons you are supposed to learn are out there waiting for you to find them. Today, I found one.
I have been wondering if I have been too focused on race lately. If I have been making a bigger deal than I need to or getting carried away. But today, I got the reassurance that I am on the path I am supposed to be on.
Last night, I was reading a blog that I enjoy. I was suprised to see a derogatory comment about Appalachians. Now, I grew up on the fringes of Appalachia and have been known to make a few cracks myself, but I am trying to weed that stuff out of my life. It is one of those things that can really just happen when you are not thinking. A funny smart-ass comment, that is unintentionally racist or discriminatory in some way.
So I put on my flame suit (and used another email account) and sent a note to the writer. A lot of times, when you point something like that out, people get defensive and try to tell you why what they said wasn’t wrong or why it was just a joke. (Like funny jokey things aren’t hurtful). I was preparing for an arguement.
I got an email back from the blogger saying I was right and she was embarrassed by what she said. She immediately edited her entry and removed it. I was so relieved. It made me nervous to call someone else out, even if I was pretty sure it was the right thing to do. It was uncomfortable.
Then today, I went to a lecture by Camara Jones, MD, MPH, PhD titled "Racism: A fundamental cause of health disparities?" In her speech she told a story that reminded me why I am supposed to do what I did and why it is important to think talk about race. (For the record, Dr. Jones said she got the analogy from Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria which I haven’t read yet, but I will as soon as I can).
Note: To get the story, you must have an understanding of institutionalized racism in America. Dr. Jones spent a lot of time describing it and its impact, but if I typed all of that, my arms would fall off. So, lets just predicate this story with the assumption that institutionalized racism exists in america and it is a bad thing. If you don’t believe that, lets just say we have a difference of opinion and you can go on your merry way.
The Story : Walking Against the Tide
In America, it isn’t necessary to be actively racist. Because we live in a racist society, by going along with the tide, we are allowing racism to exist and perpetuate its self.
Imagine that racism is a big conveyor belt and we are all standing on it, heading toward Racism. You don’t personally have to take action to make racism exist. It is already there and it is happening all around you. There are different ways you can react: you can just go with the flow and let it happen; you can close your eyes or turn around and pretend it isnt there; or you can turn around and try to go the other way.
Now, if you turn around and go the other way, you are going to bump into the other people standing around you. They are going to be unhappy that you are disrupting their peace, they might argue with you and get upset, but you can keep going.
Maybe, if you tell other people what is happening, they will turn around with you and a group will start walking against the tide and it will be easier because people will get out of the way of the group.
You will have to walk faster than the conveyor belt is going forward and you will have to work harder than the people who are just riding along without a care. But if you do, maybe you can get to the beginning of the belt and see the machine that is making it go.
If you identify the machine, you can unplug it or find the off button. Or maybe your group can find a way to dismantle it and stop it altogether.
**end story**
That is why it is important for me to speak up and to start fighting the small battles, even if it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to be a rider on a conveyor belt, just because I am too lazy or scared to speak up.
I can remember when I first started taking Women’s Studies classes. It was really painful. When you find out that you don’t have access to everything that you want because of things that are beyond your control, it is hard. I grew up being told that if I worked hard, I could be whatever I wanted and I believed it. When I started having experiences in my life that showed that I was limited because of my gender, I was angry and hurt.
And then I had to learn that not only was I held back because of my gender, due to my race and socioeconomic class I was in a privileged position. And when one group is unfairly advantaged, another is unfairly DISadvantaged. To find out you are benefitting from another person/peoples’ pain or disadvantage is hard. It’s uncomfortable.
I think it is a common reaction to be defensive (It’s not my fault, I didn’t make the system that way, I’m disadvantaged too!). I admire those teachers of Women’s Studies 101, because that class was a struggle. Some people got it right away, but others took a long time. Still others never really got it.
It is hard to draw the line between personal actions and a larger system. If you say white men are privileged, does that make it one man’s fault? And if you are the recipient of privilege, should you reject it? How?
I am trying to learn. The lessons seem to be coming to me right now and I am trying to stay open to it.
I think it is easier now with Miss M to think about. Because it is not so much about me having less, it is about her having more. What mama doesn’t want that?
