What the heck have I done?!?

A has been pulling some late nights at work this week, so when the phone rang at 10:15 he was safely in bed.  I, on the other hand, managed to get entangled in the “Rob and Amber Beach Wedding Xtravaganza!” and  mistakenly answered the phone.

Who was it?  I will give you two guesses.

You guessed it, it was my MIL.  She was jonesing to talk to A, but since he wasn’t available, I was the lucky winner.

The phone call started out innocent enough.  How are you, how’s your job, how is M? The usual.  Then we began a rapid descent into the Danger Zone:  When are we going to have a second baby? 

I should state, for the record, that A’s older sister told her that she is pregnant (13 weeks, I think).  MIL’s reaction was an uninterested “Oh, that’s nice…do you want to hear about my weird boyfriend?”  She could give a flying fig about my SIL’s progeny, but anything that might spring forth from A’s vigorous ejaculation* is the source of her unending interest.**

In an attempt to derail the baby-making conversation, I tried desparately to think of something to distract MIL.  M’s Chinese Lessons! That is one of the few things that makes MIL happy! Talk about Chinese lessons!

Ah, but happiness would be too easy.  I guess MIL was disappointed that M would not respond in Chinese during their visit last weekend.  I gave her my standard spiel that “It is OK if M doesn’t want to speak chinese, the exposure is good for her.  One day if she decides to learn it later, it will be easier…” Then, I casually mentioned that maybe, in a few years, A and I would take M to China or Taiwan for a couple weeks so she could be immersed in the language (and we could have a nice vacation).

MIL was all over that like white on rice.  “Oh yes!” She exclaimed, “We could all go together on a trip! It would be wonderful!” 

At this point I could actually hear the sane parts of my brain screaming as they ran for cover. A vacation WITH MIL?  You have got to be freaking kidding me.  That might actually KILL me.  I may actually DIE or KILL HER within the first few hours. 

No.  No.  No.  No.  No.  This conversation CAN NOT actually be happening, my brain was screaming…

And then, the conversation got even worse.

Somehow, MIL got herself on the topic of A’s younger sister. SIL has some pretty serious mental health issues.  Pretty serious like she has spent a good bit of time in the psyche ward.  Serious like she thought she had created her own religion that was responsible for all the world’s nobel prize winners. 

It has taken about 5 years, but SIL has made huge strides in stablizing her meds and is living a pretty amazingly normal (if somewhat punk rock) life right now.  True, she will never be a stockbroker or a librarian, but she can buy her own groceries and get herself to her doctor’s appointments. Achievements we never thought she would reach a few years ago.

Anyway, back to MIL.  She was saying something like this:   In Taiwan, if a person has a *ahem* problem, like they are disabled, the family still wants them to have a happy life.  So if someone agrees to marry them, the family gives the husband a dowery so the wife will not be a financial burden because she is disabled.  You know, SIL has been dating Jason.  Jason is very good to her and SIL likes him very much…

Right around that point, my brain was beginning to recover from the horror of the possible vacation to Taiwan with MIL and I was beginning to tune back in to what she was saying.

…I was thinking that if we gave Jason some money to help take care of SIL he would be happy to marry her.  Because SIL is a little bit disabled, that might help Jason decide to marry her if we give her a dowery.  I don’t want SIL to be hurt again and I want her to have a good life.

Hmm.  I began wondering if MIL had watched the Dr. Phil show about polygamy this morning.  A DOWERY?  What century is this again?  I asked if Jason was American (yes) and pointed out that a dowery might seem a little strange to an American.  Instead, I said, she may want to consider a trust fund that could help support SIL during periods when she is unable to support herself.  I also pointed out that it would be safer for SIL if A and his older sister managed the trust rather than Jason.

MIL agreed that a trust was a good idea rather than a dowery.  Then she started talking about the fact that she doesn’t have any money.

Slowly it began to dawn on me, she is broke and tired of supporting SIL.  She wants US to kick in the money for the trust. 

I got off the phone quickly after that because I began stuttering so incomprehensibly from the shock of her outright request for our (non-existant) cash.

One problem with her plan is that we make a decent amount of money, but we are in debt up to our eyeballs.  It will probably be 7 or 8 years before we are debt-free, barring any major crises.

Second, I was raised to be a proper MIDWESTERN GIRL.  In the Midwest, we do not talk about our finances. We do not elude to how much money we do or do not have. And we DEFINATELY don’t just ask people outright to hand over a huge hunk of money.  While I know that it is culturally appropriate for my MIL to say those things, it totally violates my upbringing for her to ask or for her to put me in a situation where I have to explain why we don’t have enough money to give SIL.

Thirdly, for the record, I was not really raised with any sense of filial piety or obligation to support my extended family.  This doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t all band together in a crisis, but just throwing in some money so SIL might possibly rope herself a husband is completely outside my realm of comprehension. 

Just a quick recap of the call:

1. When will we produce another child from A’s loins? 
2. A vacation half way around the world with crazy ass MIL? 
3. AND can hand over money so we can buy SIL a husband. 

What. The. HECK.

 

 

*You don’t even want to know why I have had cause to discuss A’s ejaculation potential with MIL.  That conversation will haunt me to my deathbed.

**If you are new around here, MIL doesn’t know that we are adopting and not planning any more children from our own loins.  We haven’t told her because she is going to FREAK OUT.