Well, at least she dropped the dowry idea

I am still so livid about what went down during MIL’s visit I am not quite sure I can write coherently about it.

Both MIL and A’s younger sister (SIL) came down for a visit on saturday.  Following the trend of her last visit, MIL showed up with a rather involved recipe that had to be cooked at our house for the church potluck the next day.  Probably because her own kitchen is so fucking filthy she can’t cook there.   This week it was two HUGE pots of Chinese beef stew.  She dumped all the ingredients on A and he spent the next two hours cooking it for her because watching her trash our kitchen was too much for him to bear.

I am going to skip the annoying early conversations and just say I should have known something was up when she brought us another oriental rug which served the dual role of enabling her to criticize our lack of decorations and also as a vehicle for "I give you stuff and you give me nothing" effort at inciting guilt later in the day.

In an attempt to avoid too much interaction and give MIL & SIL plenty of M’s attention (because I am so kind and generous), I fled outside to mow the yard and then hid upstairs to read a book. 

When A finally finished the stew, he wandered upstairs and discovered me hiding reading.  He ominously said "If I have to tell you something that is really going to piss you off at both MIL & SIL, should I tell you now or after they go home?"  Of course, then I became really curious and wanted to know.

"They asked for money." he said.

"Both of them?" I asked.

"Yup.  SIL asked for $20 so she could buy P (her boyfriend) a sweetest day present.  Then Mom asked us to give her $50 because she spends about $200 per month on groceries for SIL & P." 

At this point, I wasn’t really angry.  "What the hell is sweetest day?  Am I getting a sweetest day present?   No.  She can’t have money to buy her boyfriend a present if WE don’t even spend money on it ourselves.  That is ridiculous."  I said.

Then I asked "Does your mom want us to buy groceries for SIL or does she want money."

"She wants us to write her a check…every month" A said.

As a little background, we and A’s other sister (the doctor/not crazy one) have agreed that it is a bad idea to give MIL cash.  This stems from the time A’s sister gave MIL money for SIL’s school tuition and MIL used it for a facelift. 

"No." I said.  "We can take SIL to the grocery before she goes home and when we see her in the future, but we are not giving your mother money."

"That is what I was thinking, I just wanted to talk to you first." Said A (That was a good answer from A, I have to say.) 

We went downstairs and A sat down to give the news to MIL.  I was inside, but I could hear snatches of the conversation they were having.  It wasn’t pretty.  A was trying to stay calm and be rational, but MIL was getting more and more agitated.  A got pissed and walked out of the porch, leaving MIL unattended.

That is when she found me and in a very grouchy, confrontational way said: "Amber, you know, many people in America think it is only Black people who are poor.  But not me.  I believe sometimes the Caucasians can be living in poverty too.  Like P (A’s younger/crazy sisters’ boyfriend), he is very, very poor.  He and SIL need your help."

Her pissy attitude and that comment immediately pissed me off.  While it is true that SIL is on disability for her mental illness, she has been doing quite well lately.  Also, I have never met P, and I certainly don’t feel like we should be taking on the additional responsibility for feeding him on top of the burdon that SIL already is.  I don’t know anything about P, he may also have a mental illness or he could be totally fine and just to fucking lazy to get a job.

I was also pissed because MIL was trying to convince ME to change my mind and thus bypassing the whole conversation A had just had with her and (in my mind) being disrespectful to A.

(I later learned that as a responst to MIL’s demands for money not groceries, A responded "Mom, I can’t sell that to Amber" which of course laid the groundwork for a later argument between A and me about not laying the blame for setting reasonable boundries on ME.  He means well, but sometimes A should spend a little more time thinking before he speaks.)

After MIL’s little speech about poor people, I responded with some nasty comments about signing SIL and P up for food stamps or sending them to the food bank if they were so hard up for food.  Then I stomped outside to fininsh installing our storm windows.

Not surprisingly, MIL was not happy with my response.  She spend the next TWO HOURS pouting and ignoring M. 

Finally, I took M up for her nap and laid down with her to escape.  I hate naps (I am so cranky when I wake up it isn’t worth the effort) but I took a 2.5 hour nap just to block out their visit.

To be continued…..