I have a few half formed posts bouncing around in my head, but can’t decide which direction to go, so it will be readers’ choice today. If I write about the one you suggest, this doesn’t mean you won’t eventually have to sit through the rest of them.
Possible topics:
1) More on "racial" differences (as requested by Johnny via email following the Ear wax post). Johnny asked "How long did it take for you to get or understand or believe the physical differences (such as true lack of B.O.) that A had that you (as a whitey) had never believed possible?" What other wierd things about A do I attribute to his being Asian? Do I really believe that they are racial rather than cultural differences? What is that thing on A’s neck? And why are his feet so funny looking? (A may never forgive me if I post this, but that will teach him to rarely read his blog if he hassles me when he finds it two months from now!)
2) I have read two posts in the last few days that made me think about M and the possibility that she is gifted (or not). The two precursor posts are at Liminal Musings and in the comments of this post at Raising WEG. I was a gifted kid and so was A. Did we live up to our potential or not? Do we just assume M will be gifted? If she is, so what? What if the HFC isn’t? Followed by snarky comments by me aimed at anyone who replies that "all kids are gifted".
3) What is my freaking problem with White adoptive parents who dress their kids in "traditional" chinese clothing? Obviously, I have a huge chip on my shoulder about this issue (as demonstrated in previous posts here, in a variety of other online venues, and real-life bitchyness). This is probably more about me and my issues than the other white parents, but WHY? What is my freaking problem already? Watch me give a pass to white adoptive parents I actually like while slamming the rest of them! See me dress my kid in those clothes while simultaneously making fun of other people who do the same thing!
4) Other suggestions by YOU the reader. If I get any that look interesting before I start writing, I will put them here.
I vote for the clothing thing. I admit, I LOVE to dress my half-Japanese (biological) kids up in Japanese clothes. I have sometimes even dressed up with them. Ever see a big white girl with her fat ass stuffed into a kimono? That was me.
I think it`s because I`m just a sucker for a cute outfit, and this trumps any lingering sense of political correctness.
I think they are all interesting. I’d choose 2, 1, and 3, in that order.
I chose the dress thing. I love to dress my two girls in traditional Chinese clothes and even Baptized them in a white silk Chinese dress bought in China. So give it to me.
I like 3 best. It is hard to decide what is co-opting someone else’s culture and what is being true to the fact that the children are Chinese.
I’m all over the gifted thing recently. I’m interested in what you have to say about it. I was identified as gifted and I spend a massive amount of energy whining about not living up to my potential, plus other really stupid fallout from this label. At the same time, I think the label brought more positives than negatives. My daughter does seem to be academically ahead of her peers, so I’m thinking about trying to avoid the pitfalls. And both my sisters are dyslexic, and how much did it suck to have a “gifted” sister? I think about that in terms of a second child too.
So, ahem, that gets my vote. But I like the others too.
I vote for 2. I was in gifted classes, and S has shown potential for stuff, but I also fall into that “what is gifted anyway” but then when she asks about the Triolbytes and I still can’t explain why they went extinct, i worry…
I’d like to hear your thoughts
I’ll vote for 3, followed by 2, then 1. I’m wit’ ya on 3, but would like to hear your take on it.
(The ear wax thing was *very* interesting to me, given OmegaDotter’s waxy ears.)
Another vote for three here, although I’m interested in all three.
Also I’m curious why you’re currently wallowing in self-pity, if you’re wiling to share. I hope things are better today.
My first daughter is in the gifted program which thankfully they have changed the name to the creative learning center. I hated the name talented and gifted which is a huge label. My second daughter however is not dumb but she does not seem to be as advanced as first daughter at 4 so that may cause some problems later. First daughter already tells the younger one she is smarter and prettier. I do try to conteract this but I am sure some sticks.
#3. what are your thoughts about the entire family dressing up? My take is that Chinese celebrations are a family event, so either the entire family does it or no one does. I never got why parents would just dress their child up. First, it’s very China dollish to me. Second,it’s like just putting Chinese wall hangings y in their room, or setting out chopsticks for the child and silverware for everyone else.
Anywyas, love to hear your thoughts.
I’m also most interested in 3 (although I must admit that 1 is intriguing as well).
I’d be very interested in reading option 1; I’ve already learned two factoids I didn’t know from you, and I’m eager for more.
On the other hand, I’m very interested in 3 (so, as a non-adoptive parent of a white child, would I get a pass if I dressed my son in traditional Chinese clothing?), and also in 2 (I need to start writing up my own thoughts on that subject). So, I’ll stay tuned in any case, but I’m rooting for the factoids.
Do you think that some white parents use the excuse of not doing anything culture-related because they’ll always be appropriating? Even if white parents research, ask questions, get the logistics correct, aren’t we (white parents) in some way always going to come off (a little to very) (insert word here: silly, phoney, etc.) trying to give their daughter aspects of her culture?
What made me think about this was the day before CNY I went with a Chinese American friend to a Chinese grocery store. It was bustling, with different dialects communicating and a fluency of what was custom. It was one of thoses moments that it became crystal clear to me that the best I could do was always going to be on some level superficial. It disheartened me greatly, but it doesn’t mean I won’t stop trying.
I am coming out of my lurking to request #3. I’m still in the wait but I am really curious about this topic. I have to admit, it doesn’t sit right with me at times. Not to mention the need to have everyone a ladybug for Halloween. I do not get that. I have a lot to figure out on the topic of our daughters culture. What is showing interest and respect in a culture and what is just ridiculous? I would be interested in you opinion.
I would love for you to expand on #1 and #3. Both are very interesting topics to someone still in the waiting stage.
1 & 3 interest me most. I’m a soon-to-be Mom to a Chinese daughter.
#2 would be most interesting to me. But they all sound like something I would want to read.
1 and 3. not sure in what order. It is a hard line trying to figure out how to honor the ethnicity but not appropriate. Obviously as a White parent with a White husband I cannot give my Chinese daughter any real inkling in to being Chinese, however I sure can educate myself and I can honor her. How do I do it right?
Tell me more about #3! Our half-Chinese kid is due in May and I keep gravitating my very white self towards the little Chinese outfits for her.
As if on some level I think it will make my partner’s mom consider this kid her grandkid. Omg. I just said that.
I need to go think for a while. Write what you like, it’s all good stuff.
#3 for starters. Atomic kiddo will likely have a few traditional pieces in her/his closet, but so do I, including both modern pieces picked up while traveling in Asia, as well as vintage pieces from the 40s from my (fashionable whitey) grandmother’s collection.
Also totally curious about #1…
Maybe finish it off with #2. I was a “TAG” kid and thought it was cool because I got to take classes at the same college that my mom was attending.
#1. I was trying to explain the NYTimes article to someone in real life (doesn’t everyone read the Times?
And I found myself with all sort sof new questions. So at least more on ear wax.
Oh–and what traits did M inherit?
#3, please. My white son and my white self went to my white friend’s annual CNY party this year. Various people of all different ethnicities and ages were wearing clothes of Chinese design at the party and we all got hongbao.
I, personally, don’t find this offensive, as it was an excuse for a party. There was definitely a dog theme to the party, but there was Turkish food and other things that were decidedly not Chinese. I also don’t find any kind of Cinco de Mayo parties offensive because it’s just not an important holiday in Mexico, and parties are a big part of Mexican culture anyway. I wouldn’t be offended if people in other countries were throwing Labor Day parties or even Fourth of July parties with minimally-authentic American details.
So. How do you feel about people having parties for occasions that mean nothing to them personally? Is it different if the original celebrations have religious significance? How does that all hang together with your topic #3?
#1 and #3. We haven’t dressed T in Vietnamese clothes yet, but I wore an Ao Dai for our banquet, a cheongsam at our small reception, and have been known to wear Hawaiian muumuus on occasion.
My take on #2- honestly, does it really matter? The more I think about it, the more I realize life is less to do with natural ability and more to do with drive, determination, and who you know.
But then, I am very anti public school, which is where most of the “gifted” stuff comes into play. I’d like to homeschool, with Waldorf and Montessori being possible options as well.