FCC chinese class

I am trying to work on a post about the ethics of adopting from China, but it is slow going because it is such a complicated question.  Anyway, since it seems as though M is the topic of the week, I thought I would talk a bit about her new Chinese class.

I recently signed M up for a toddler Chinese class at our local Family with Children from China (FCC)*.  M has a private chinese tutor who comes once a week for two hours.  We don’t have high hopes that she will learn much from the FCC class that she doesn’t already know from the tutor, but the class was cheap and we want M to hear a little chinese in the period between tutoring sessions.  Also, M gets frustrated with her lack of fluency in chinese and I thought it might be nice for her to see that she really has learned a lot (because she is as good as the other kids).

You may remember that we had a bad experience with the last FCC class we took.  I can’t remember if I bitched about it here or in various other online forums.  We origionally took M to a Chinese singing class when she was barely two and there was this bizarre vibe going on between our family and the other (all white adoptive parent) families. 

The first singing class we went to (A, M and I), no one would make eye contact with us or talk to us at all, except the teacher who talked to A about where he is from, whether he spoke Chinese, etc.  All they typical Asian to Asian questions when there are only two in a room full of whiteys.  No parents would talk to or look at either of us.  The next week, M and I went without A and every one was VERY friendly.  People talked to me (with no encouragement from my shy self), they asked me questions about A, they asked ME questions about Chinese culture, it was a regularly chatterfest. 

The next week, A came again.  That week, no one would talk to us or look at us again.  This happened over and over enough times that it became clear that A freaked their shit out.  We stopped going because we didn’t want M to be around people who were so obviously uncomfortable around her dad.  Now that we are gearing up with a new Chinese tutor and getting ready for our trip to China, we thought we would suck it up and try again so M could have some more chinese exposure. 

Thankfully, it was a bit better this time.  The Chinese adoptee from M’s preschool class was there, as was her older sister.  M is skittish in new situations, so a familiar face did wonders for her.  We also had some familiarity with those girls’ mom, so we talked to her right away.  She also has a bit of a non-traditional family, so maybe we can bond over that.  We got a weird vibe from two of the other moms, but it wasn’t quite the same wierd "I can’t look at you because you are an  Asian adult" vibe from the last class.   Also, the teacher didn’t pay any attention to A or ask him about his Asianness, so we were not in that spotlight either.

After the class, A and I were talking about the difference between these parents and the ones in the last class.  As amateur shrinks, we think that the last time most of the parents were just recently home from China and not comfortable yet with their new transracial adoption status.  Maybe that is why A in all his Asian adultness (and their perception that he might judge them) freaked them out.  Maybe now that they are more used to it, it isn’t such a big deal.

As a side note, I think A is starting to process the reality of Asian kids being raised by white parents.  He was totally fixated on the way one mom had her kid all dolled up with ribbons and bows.  He kept saying, "No Chinese kid should be dressed like that! It just isn’t right!"  He kept saying that someone should tell her that her kid looked ridiculous and the kid is going to stick out enough as it is.  I told him to go ahead and tell the mom with the giant diamond ring.  He passed.   There might be another whole post about this issue and A, but that is for another day.

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*The regular Chinese school classes don’t begin until the kid is four years old.  As soon as she is old enough, M will go there instead.  FCC is the only org that has classes for kids under age four.