(Written by Chicagomama. Archived here with permission)
This section of the lifebook may be very easy to create or it may present some difficulties. I know of some families that have lots of information regarding their child’s life before adoption and who may still be in contact with the Orphanage or Foster Family their child was with pre-adoption, and others who have sketchy reports and only a couple of un-dated photos with no further contact possible.
Either way, I think we would all agree that our children will be quite curious as they get older about where they lived, how they lived, what they ate, who they were close to, etc. This section really exists to give them a fuller picture of what their life was like at a time they may not remember. If you have an older child with memories of places, routines, and people – this is a great section to work on together, piecing their memories with your photos and reports.
For the younger child, I would suggest making this section a pictorial study if possible*. Here is where the camera you may have sent to the SWI or Foster Family will come in quite handy. Gather as many pictures as possible and put them in this section. I was amazed at how easily Z. recognized pictures of her nanny when we looked through her book together. You may also have pictures from your child’s hometown or province through a service such as THIS or THIS. Again, those can help flesh out your child’s questions of what things looked like, and how people live in their area (since living conditions are radically different in different parts of China).
If you want your child’s lifebook to “grow” with your child, you may put more text in this section – details about your child’s growth and development from their written reports, and details you may have gleaned through questions answered at the time of adoption or through subsequent letters. Again, I think having names, addresses and specific dates are invaluable here. Tell them where the information came from, either the official referral, at adoption time, or later. Tell them who told you, and what relationship that person had with your child.
I will also make a suggestion here that parents seriously consider staying in contact with their child’s SWI or Foster Family a very high priority. Not only did those people take care of your child until his or her adoption (and are probably curious or concerned about the child’s growth and development) – but they are the first [and sometimes only] link you child will have to their life before you. When and if your child wants to learn more about their life – we as parents should have been making this possibility easier for them. I am NOT suggesting that parents should do massive amounts of research regarding a birthparent search. Rather, just suggesting that if you are able to keep a relationship going – it may well be extremely helpful for your child’s future needs and desires.
Ok, next up – Ayis/Nannies/Foster Family: what to talk about and how to make your child’s caregiver a real person to your child. (we will also talk about possible things to do if you suspect or know your child was ill-treated by a caregiver before adoption)
* This is a little bit of assvice from me. When we received our referral, we sent a care package to the Orphanage where Z. lived. In that package we sent a long, personalized, very culturally appropriate letter (translated into Mandarin by A. Hall) asking if they SWI would take pictures of Z., the SWI and those who were close to her as keepsakes for her as she grew up (enclosing 2 cameras for that purpose with Z.’s name in Chinese characters on both cameras). Also enclosed in the package was a PLETHORA of gifts for the Director, Nannies and OLDER CHILDREN in the Orphanage. The only things we sent to Z. in that package was a photo album containing pictures of us and soft brown bunny. The rest of the stuff (crayons, coloring books, board books of [ABCs, colors, etc.], hard candy, chocolates, stickers, perfume, US postage stamps, scented lotions, baby rattles, and a couple of older kids toys) was meant as Hong Bao (literally translated as “red envelope”. This is what the red envelopes are called that are given to younger people during Chinese New Years – containing money. Hong Bao also colloquially means “bribe”. Yup, I sent a shit load of stuff, some of it easily translatable into hard currency in order to ask for what I considered a imposition on their time and a great gift to me if it was done.
We received both cameras back from the SWI when we met Z. Both cameras were FULL, and the pictures contained wtihin showed us so much of the SWI, Z.’s special Nanny and many other really wonderful things that have helepd us so much in fleshing out what Z.’s life was like for the year she spent in the SWI. Half the people in our travel group didn’t get any camera back, a few got pictures clearly taken the day the girls traveled to meet us, and a couple others got some ok shots. No one else in the group sent stuff for the SWI in their care packages, and they sent only the (complimentary aka FREE) impersonal translated note that our agency gave us in our travel packet to use if we wanted to send a care package with a couple of things for their child, and only their child. So my assvice is if you are going to send a package – make it count. Yes, it cost a considerable amount of money to get a long letter (and questions) translated. Yes, it cost to send that much stuff to the SWI. But our questions were answered that we sent, our pictures were taken – in short – it was well worth the money and time for what we received. Just an idea.