Well, wouldn’t you know that I went and jinxed myself by getting out all those baby clothes? I should have known better.
Bad news this week in expedited referral-land. Most agencies didn’t get any expedited referrals for the third month in a row. New rumors indicate that we could be in for a much longer wait than we originally anticipated. This means we may be looking a spring referral rather than a fall referral.
It is a major bummer, but what can we do but sit back and wait?
It took me a couple hours to make the mental shift from a baby before christmas to a baby after easter. It made me sad because we have already been waiting forever and a freaking day (counting all those YEARS before I turned 30). I have spent the last few days telling people that it will be longer than we expected, just to say it out loud so it can sink in to my own head. I felt really bad for ever mentioning the little brother and sister to M, because it is going to be much harder for her to understand/bear a longer wait than it is for us.
The only up side to all of this is that I briefly had the realization that the HFC might not even be born yet. When that thought flitted into my head, I can say I honestly felt a wave of relief. Maybe the HFC is still cradled in his/her mother’s body, not lying alone in a crib somewhere. Then I realized that winter is coming. Possibly a long, cold winter in a country where most buildings are not really heated in any meaningful way. That thought was an immediate kick in the gut which I had to push right out of my head.
Anyway, we are adjusting our expectations and talking about planning a small trip or something else to look forward to if our referral doesn’t come by the end of the year. No crying, no gnashing of teeth, just settling in for a long, long winter. I bet China is lovely in the spring.
I am sorry the news was not good. I hope your referral comes quicker than expected.
I have to admire your attitude about the wait. I’m working on having that attitude..some days = okay. Others = full tantrum status. Ah well, it is what it is and we’ll all get there….eventually. How’s that for a platitude? Best I can do this morning :OP
I know you will hear this from others — but sometimes . . . We were delayed 3 monnths because the INS lost our paperwork and had the same miserable feelings! It was really hard. But then we were referred our daughter who was 71/2 months at referral. We realized that had we not had the wait, we would not have been referred Jayden who was just eligible at 6 months. I don’t believe in the red thread and ladybugs, but sure am happy we got Miss. J! Also — our youngest son was 4 when J came home, and he had a tough time. I think it would have been harder had he been 3 1/2. So the time may be good for M. I’m probably not making you feel better. Hang in there!
DS-L
I’m sorry that the expedited referrals are taking longer than expected. You are right–nothing to do but make the best of it. A trip in the winter would be great. Still, I hope that things pick up soon and that your referral comes well before spring.
I’m really sorry.
Our son had to know about his sister when the social worker came, so he was waiting for Miss I right along with us for over two years. It was rough for him. Hoping for a shorter wait than you anticipate now, and peace for you and M in the meantime.
i’m so sorry. i was getting my hopes up for you.
Oh, I’m so sorry that it’s taking longer that you expected.
We’re in the same position – well, not the expedited part, but the waiting part with a 3 year old who wants to know when her sister can be with us.
The only good thing about that is that children her age have no expectation about how long it’s supposed to take for a little sister to join the family. In her world, it’s perfectly normal to wait for more than 1/4 of your life for a sibling.
Bummer. I was hoping for good news soon. You’ve got a great attitude, and I agree–China will be lovely in the spring.