A few weeks back, I got several comments from someone who accused me of brainwashing M and forcing her to ignore her white half. The commenter said M is going to grow up hating her white half (and hating me!) because we teach her to ignore it.
While I was annoyed by these comments, I thought I should take a few moments to reflect on whether or not there was any truth to her statements. Also, I am quite selfish and would be very sad if my kid hated me. Emergency hate-prevention techniques must begin immediately!
Just in case she is right, we at the American Family household have decided we need to amp up our focus on our family’s white cultural heritage. Yes, we are instituting an Emergency Code Whitey and taking the following steps to make sure M is comfortable around white people and can function in white culture.
To institute the Emergency Code Whitey the American Family family must do the following:
- Celebrate white people holidays, preferably with other white people.
- Progress so far: Excellent. Thanksgiving and Columbus day celebrated by one and all. Does the 4th of July count as a white people holiday? Maybe it is a truly bi-cultural holiday because fireworks were created by the Chinese and exploited by the white man for our Independence Day rituals??
- Seek out other white people for M to see as role models.
- Progress so far: Good, but room for improvement. Lucky for M, she lives with one real-life, full-blooded white person (me!). She also has many family members who are also full-blooded white people. We also know a neighbor who is white. While most of her classmates are Asian, M is fortunate that there are three white kids in her preschool class.
- Expose M to white role models on TV and in books.
- Progress so far: Poor. The only TV M gets to watch is Dora the Explorer and Sesame Street, both of which are dreadfully lacking in white people. To improve on this area, we should let M watch a lot more Disney movies. As for books, we should be ok with this one because my grandmother keeps giving us “Dick and Jane” books ane weird books that have a lot of angels that seem to be chock full o’ white faces.
- Make sure M is familiar with the kinds of foods white people eat.
- Progress so far: Fair. M is blessed to have a mama who grew up in
White People Centralthe midwest eating lots of meat and potatoes. Our cooking at home tends to be white people food about 30% of the time. When we go out, however, we fail dreadfully at giving M exposure tocorporate chain restaurant garbagewhite people restaurant food because her father and I prefer more “ethnic” type restaurants. Maybe adding some white ethnic restaurants to the mix would be good for M’s white identity? Some Italian maybe. Or Greek? Does Turkish food count as white people food? I suppose if we are trying to be strickly adherent to our desire to have her be in touch with her American white heritage, we shouldn’t allow her to have any food that is spiced with anything other than straight-up salt.
- Teach her the language that white people speak.
- Progress so far: Poor. The unfortunate truth of the matter is that M’s dad doesn’t speak White People dialect at all. It isn’t his fault, but he wasn’t raised to speak it. The burden of teaching M to whisper when she mentions racism or people of color falls on my sorely inadequate shoulders. I fail miserably at pretending to be color blind, while at the very same time managing to discuss race or make racist comments. Despite my best efforts, I mention race out loud when it occurs to me, which is a horrible example to set for M. To help M achieve true fluency in White People Dialect, we need to put her in more situations where only white people are in attendence. For a truly authentic experience, we should try to make sure that these white people don’t know that M is only half white.
In conclusion, I think my commenter was right. A and I still have a fair bit of work to do if we truely want M to be comfortable in her half-white skin. We are throwing Emergency Code Whitey into high gear and expect M to be fully loving her half-whiteness by Valentine’s day, if not sooner.
PS. Welcome to my new blog. Thanks to the lovely Dawn for helping me find a server and for doing all the horrible coding crap that was necessary. I am still getting settled and there are still a few kinks to work around. I think that comments may need to be approved for new commenters (everyone, I think, since the blog is new), so please bear with me while I try to sort it all out. *Smooch*
AmFam, thank you again. I now realize that I have totally screwed up at raising my oldest as a white child. And he is +totally+ white. (whisper)except for the Jewish part — does that count?(whisper)
I think you should feed M some hotdish. I have a recipe for tator tot hotdish if you need me to pass it along.
Great post. So true.
Ha! Too funny. I like the new site, by the way. Your livejournal site seems so long ago.
(I’ve realized that if you’re going to start PW protecting posts, I need to start commenting).
You need to take M to white cultural events. I suggest anything happening at the local VFW. A wedding prominently featuring Baked Zedi would be ideal. She also needs to shop in White people stores and be exposed to their products. Take her to W@lmart, the mecca of white culture. Good white female role models: The Hilton Sisters, Lindsey Lohan. (All in good snark of course. I loved this post
)
Just realizing that I’m totally off the hook for Emergency Code Whitey now that we’re not having hapa kids!
Loving the new digs BTW
You just proved me right. I cannot understand how you can overgeneralize and label a group of very culturally diverse people as just plain “white” and to use a derogatory term such as “whitey”. Isn’t “whitey” as racist as “chink” is? I don’t think that you feel comfortable calling your daughter a “chink” but yet you feel very comfortable using the label “whitey”. Double standards? Most definitely.
What is your background? Don’t tell me that you are American, that’s understood. Are your ancestors British? French? Italian? Estonian? Finnish? Romanian? Hungarian? Bulgarian? Serbian? German? You can start celebrating the holidays and eating their food as soon as you figure out what you are and most importantly, as soon as you feel comfortable in your own skin and stop pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s very evident that you’re very anti-racist, but White people are not the only ones who are racist. I’m sure that if I would use the term ‘chink’ as freely as you used ‘whitey’, there would be a massive outcry against me. You are very ignorant and don’t have a very vast general knowledge. Otherwise you would know to provide your daughter with books other than those featuring “dick and jane”. I’ll even provide you with a list of books if you cannot find any (YES!!!! THEY ACTUALLY EXIST!!!!). To put it in even more basic terms, look at Europe. Look at its countries’ diverse food, music, traditions, cultures, styles, nationalities. Don’t group them together. If you feel too incapacitated to look at Europe, look at America and study her history, traditions, customs, and habits. If you don’t have European roots, you should have Native American roots. Examine your own background, don’t just say you are American. After all, a “chink” born in America is also an American, however that “chink” could have Japanese, Taiwanese, Mongolian roots. Alike, yet very different.
So please practice what you preach. Don’t deny M her other roots. M is half-white—let her be and don’t make her feel guilty because of it.
PS: As a side note—-you’ll remain white regardless of how much rice and soya sauce you eat, regardless of how much you explore asian media, and regardless of using chopsticks versus forks.
Delurking to say I love this post, and I love your blog! Might I use this post in my Diverse Populations class when I teach about white privilege?
Stella
Holy Crap, Jennifer! I was cracking up when reading the post, but then totally lost it when reading your comment.
Ever heard of satire? sarcasm? irony? You aren’t really as befuddled as you sound, right? You can see that this was a funny post, right?
The joke is (just in case you really are serious) that the EuroAmerican culture IS the majority culture and so there is no way for Little Miss M to miss it. She can hardly grow up not knowing her “white” side like she could hardly grow up without air to breathe. Because of that, M’s mom and dad have to make an extra effort to expose her to her Chinese side and that is what she writes a lot about. The EuroAmerican exposure is pretty much a given for anyone living in the US.
So, no really, Jennifer…Tell us this didn’t just blow right over your head. Tell us you are joking and it is ME who is missing the sarcasm! Please?
Cute post, it made me laugh.
Very funny~ just what I needed this morning.
Post hysterical. Jennifer disturbed.
DS-L
Very funny. Jennifer needs a “calm down” enema. Geez.
Better not tell Jennifer you give lessons to other white folks in how to eat with chopsticks. But why DO you deny M her birthright? Are you too “good” for Rica-a-roni? Bwahahaha.
HA! too funny.
A- Great new site! Great post.
Jennifer, Please chill, woman. Telling AmFam that she needs to explore her “white”roots is like telling men to explore “male history”.
I would have suggested that you try that green bean/dried onion casserole, but my husband tells me that that’s been appropriated by those marauding Asians. Oh well. I swear to god, nothing is sacred to those people.
Seriously, I really wish that courses that dealt with white privilege had been a part of college curriculums when I was younger – and, presumably, when Jennifer went to college.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Love it.
You slay me!
I thought this was hilarious, AmFam! I am going to make sure I do a better job teaching my half-white children about their half-white heritage too. Thanks for the “wake-up” call!
Just what I needed this morning! Thanks! (I really hope Jennifer was/is smart enough to realize that the entire “Whitey” thing is a joke. Hmmm…)
Yo – I dig it over here. Nice layout. Sorry to hear that expedited refs. are taking so much longer. Misery loves company sister. Me thinks Jennifer is a mole.
Oh my God – that is TOTALLY the way to handle a crap-shacked nut-case like Jennifer. HILARIOUS post, man. Clearly, that woman is delirious, and it kinda makes me sick. And it kinda makes me sad. And it kinda makes me want to give her a shake. But you sooo knocked her and that kind of poster into perspective – and you made me laugh!
Great post. I thought it was hilarious. But when I read Jennifer’s comment, my jaw actually dropped. I’m half Korean/half white and I think the viewpoint that white Americans should get “back to their roots” is largely a reaction of not wanting to be left out of the ethnic communities/celebrations that have finally reached a sort of acceptance in mainstream America. You know the type of people, those that are against any sort of affirmative action and people who ask why there’s a black history month and an Asian American month but no “white American” month. It drives me nuts.
lol, funny stuff!
Ha! I love this – you are brilliantly hilarious, woman. And hilariously brilliant.
I also love this line from Jennifer: You are very ignorant and don’t have a very vast general knowledge.
I think your vast general knowledge is just fine. Ha ha ha ha…totally cracking up over here.
you should TOTALLY make more casseroles! How about tuna fish casserole? Thank you for making me spit liquid onto my computer screen! love the new space!
Dude, just make sure to regularly feed her bologna on white bread with those individuallly wrapped cheese slices and slathered in mayo. Sure, she’ll turn green the first few times, but this is important work.
Awesome post.
AmFam – LOVE this post.
And to Jennifer – are you effing kidding me? egad.
I’m shaking my head here. I must say I am disappointed with this post, and this long winded posts is probably very winding and nonsensical, but perhaps that models my inner mood at the moment. I have long read this blog, and yes, I get satirical slant on this piece; however, it does disturb me a bit. (And not the way you would want it.) I will admit the term “whitey” does disturb me, especially when it is used by someone who once claimed to be an anti-racist –am I not correct? I have to agree with the one poster (who seems very angry with your post) that whitey does not belong in a forum that wants to promote racial tolerance and understanding.
I know you want your child to appreciate her father’s (and hers) heritage. I am not knocking that. But, exposing her to your family’s heritage (German, Irish, whatever) can only complete her. An no, please don’t for a minute misunderstand me, I do not deny that a diverse European heritage (not whitey, please) does prevail in America. But, please note, it is European, not white. White is not a homogenous group. You have anything from Russian to German to Italian –hardly one group that you can just label as one generic term. Doesn’t your husband hate when people confuse Korean, Japanese and Chinese culture as one. After living in Korea, it fustrates me. So, why do that to another group? Who can you ask people to respect what you say about Asian cultures if you put down the culture of others?
I guess for me it is personal because I know nothing of my father’s side (except a name that I learned at 29). My mother wouldn’t let me know anything about it. It was if he didn’t exist. I look vastly different from my family (racially, I don’t know, and will never know). I can’t even do a DNA test to find out my origins as far as I know (I’m female), so I will never know my father’s side. I just exist. I know your family is blessed with both parents and it is a different scenario, but I can’t understand why you think there isn’t any heritage of your side (the European) of the family that cannot be
respected as much as your husband’s side. You can be aware of the greater scheme of the country and power lines without delimiting who you are.
Maybe this just hits me as insensitive for those of us who see a child as sharing two cultural sides of a family. It is a gift, although a probably heavy one at times. I guess what I am saying is that this different from saying that caucasian exude the most influence and whatnot in America and therefore the influence is everywhere. This is you, Amber. I am not talking about 180 million other people who maybe the same race but of different ethnic backgrounds. You are made up of your family and their own traditions, just the same as your husband. Maybe I am off base here, but perhaps that is why people are wondering if you are sharing your family’s heritage (not caucasian society) with your daughter. You try so much to push the Chinese side that I wonder what happens if your daughter decides that if M wants pursue a Phd in British Literature that I wonder if you will think failed her. It might surpise you that she would love Britsh lit. [Think Condi Rice - proud AA who speaks fluent Russian and is a old-East Bloc expert]
As someone who will always feel a piece missing, I see so much richness in a child with two very distinct heritages. You can do so much to promote both. Think inward, not outward.
Like I said, I am scratching my head probably for a total different reason, but I do wonder if you are sending the message that your own family heritage and traditions have nothing to offer M and your soon to be child.
I think you need to have a White Cultural Threat Level posted to your site. Really, we of the internet world when your daughter’s having a red alert not-white-enough day….
Ay, I think Jennifer needs a big sloppy hug. It’s okay that she missed the forest for the trees — sounds like she needs to know deep down we who feel comfortable with a million shades of gray don’t hate the white…
Jennifer, we don’t! Er, well, no,
mostsome of us don’t.The idea that AmFam’s “indoctrinating” her child with subversive bits of confidence by teaching and talking about her Asian roots is ludicrous. Positive self images and pride in culture experience and expression isn’t a threat, although it often gets treated that way amongst people of color or disenfranchised groups.
I have trouble with a lot of phrases and words she used – “comfort in your own skin”, “ignorant” and that little sentence about “you’ll always be white whether you use chopsticks or not”. Methinks someone needs some diversity training up in this mug.
Oh, shit, did I just rant on your parade? And I’m new here, too.
Whew, loved your post though.
I think “Jennifer” is really A posting from work on the sly to fan the flames.
I’m white, and grew up participating in lots of ethnic and cultural activities for my backgrounds (I’m a European mix). But I think that’s a completely different topic from AmFam’s post, which was hearty, straight-up satire.
LMAO!
what kind of parents are you? how dare you deny M the pleasure of staring at white folk on tv for hours on end. where are your american values? On a serious note- really funny, well written etc…
Love the new place. Great post.
Maybe it is a truly bi-cultural holiday because fireworks were created by the Chinese and exploited by the white man for our Independence Day rituals??
That may be one of my favorite lines that you’ve written of all time. Ever.
So are you moving here for good or will you keep the old place, too? (…looking around…) It looks just fine in here. But maybe if you moved the couch so that it’s facing the fireplace…oh, wait. That was another post from long ago!
And yes, who started banding about this phrase “whitey”? Why, they should be whipped with a very PC whip.
As a hapa, I totally get the satire on this post and don’t understand why a couple of people are jumping all over AmFam for disparaging M’s Caucasian/European/white (whatever you want to call it) side ‘cuz that’s not what she’s doing. As someone kindly pointed out above, it’s tongue-in-cheek about white privilege. Considering immigration patterns, in many cases I think it’s fair to say that Asian immigration trends are more recent than those of Europeans, and thus one can’t deny that the dominant culture in American society is still “white” culture that is an amalgam of various European ethnicities. Case in point: white people don’t go around asking other white people “what’s your ethnicity?” or the dreaded “WHAT are you?” when they first meet, but it’s not uncommon for someone of Asian descent to be asked to clarify “which sort” of Asian they are.
In my case, both of my parents happened to be the children of immigrants (mom’s parents from Greece, dad’s from Taiwan/China), which meant that I have been exposed to both Greek & Chinese culture growing up. For me, the dominant white culture in the U.S. is something I rarely associate with my Greek heritage, ie, they are two separate things to me though they sometimes overlap. Similarly, the “fun” culturally Chinese stuff is distinct from, yet also connected to, my experience of being a racial minority.
It’s 4 am so I’m rambling, but my point is, there is a difference between white privilege (or lack thereof) and getting in touch with one’s cultural roots. To follow Jennifer’s argument, no matter how many casseroles and hamburgers I eat (or gyros and souvlaki if you want me to get in touch with my “white” side), I will almost never be treated as white in American society, both based on my appearance and my last name. Privilege and heritage should not be confused.
I secodn Moxie in suspecting that jennifer has got to be A in diguise…. ’cause to totally miss the fantastic humour and level of satire is quite unbelievable…
Hee! I really needed a good chuckle today.
This is a hoot – and right on the money. Just found you – how did I miss your blog before? Looking forward to lots more good reading.
I guess I’d better get busy on my own Emergency Code Christian, since my Jewish kids have a Christian daddy…You know, because they won’t ever find out about Christmas, Easter, or J. C. without my help.
Love the new blog look.
Ha Ha Ha! Love it! You write so gosh darn well.
“you’ll remain white regardless of how much rice and soya sauce you eat, regardless of how much you explore asian media, and regardless of using chopsticks versus forks.”
Really? Crap. I was going to use this method to turn my other kids Chinese so they’d all match. Damnit, now I have to think of something else.
This is great! Too, too funny.
The “what about her white heritage” commentator stuff slays me, though. Not least when people use “caucasian” as short-hand for “white” in an argument about the particularity of European ethnicity. Riiiight.
Delurking here:
I wonder if commenter “Jennifer” celebrates African tribal holidays? Because maybe it’s not enough to get in touch with the cultures that my ancestors left over 150 years ago. Maybe we should strive for a better goal and celebrate the one region that *everyone’s* ancestors immigrated from hundreds of thousands of years ago! Break out the yams and groundnuts!
End the (obvious) sarcasm…Seriously, though, when all of one’s living ancestors have been born and raised in America, by American-born relatives, it’s ludicrous to *expect* that person to identify with a culture that feels essentially “foreign,” solely because some far-removed ancestors walked the soil of that place.
I am speechless. Utterly speechless.
As much as I’d love to believe those comments were a farce, I think this woman seriously believes your child will be deprived of her mainstream american culture.
And that’s scary.
This is brilliant. You are brilliant.
You made me laugh out loud. And since I’m leaving the day after tomorrow, and feel like puking 99% of the time, that’s a huge feat.
Random and I eat at Indian restaurants, Thai restaurants, Mexican restaurants, and Chinese restaurants all the time–do you think we need to add a Chili’s or something? Our white-o-meter awaits your reply.
It was Jenex’s comment that would have made me damage my keyboard if I had been unwise enough to be drinking my tea while reading. Are you trying to tell me that all those years I spend living in Asia and eating the food did *not make me Chinese?!
My hubby is Hapa and his mom did her best to make sure he grew up more white than Korean, because she wanted him to fit in so bad. He feels like he missed out on learning his heritage. We are learning about Korean traditions and such now with his mom and make it an important part of our kids upbringing. I can understand a child missing a part of their heritage if not growing up in the country of orgin. But how in the world could you ever miss the heritage if you are growing up in that country? Maybe the negative commenters are just jealous that their heritage isn’t as diverse as some and they long to celebrate something that doesn’t involve commericalism. Whatever their problem is, ignore it and keep up with the brilliant posts.