This is going to be quick, because I am really much more interested in writing a post about school and education (because of conversations we have been having at home and that I have been reading on several blogs).
When A and I were talking about chinese school yesterday, I asked him if he wished his mom had spoken Chinese at home and forced him to stay in Chinese school longer. His answer was “Yes. It was the biggest mistake she ever made.”
In every marriage there are compromises. Let’s be honest, in our marriage, I get what I want a LOT of the time. But the decision for our kids to try to learn Chinese rests firmly on A’s shoulders. It is very important to him, so it is important to me.
It is one of the great sadnesses in A’s life that he couldn’t communicate with his relatives. He only had a few aunts and cousins who came to the US and who can speak English. When his parents (father, really) made the decision to speak only English at home, they effectively cut A off from not just Chinese/Taiwanese culture, but his entire extended family. He could never speak to his grandmothers, aunts, uncles or cousins. With his nuclear family so rife with disfunction, the support and connection to his extended family could have made a huge difference for him. Coming from my huge extended family, I can only imagine how lonely that would be.*
Chinese (at least spoken Chinese) would have been an easy gift for his parents to give him. Instead, he spent 5 years in college trying to learn it. Then he spent a very frustrating year in China trying to put what he had learned to use. It is one of his biggest regrets that he has lost that Chinese in the past 10 years since he has been home. He can’t speak it with M because his tones, grammar and pronunciation are so rusty, so we hire a tutor to talk to her. We use the little Chinese we have (obviously A more than me), but it is not ever going to get M very far.
I will also say that I want the adopted kid to learn Chinese so that he/she can have the option of going to China. If our kid wants to find her/his birthparents, speaking Chinese will be vital to finding them and creating some kind of a relationship.
Yes, Chinese lessons and Chinese school are a hassle. Yes, it is likely my kids will never be fluent. It is probably true that they won’t like Chinese school (though so far, M liked the dance class and likes her tutor a lot), but as long as it isn’t too horribly painful for M she will go.
The truth is, I am not as worried about HER failure at Chinese school. I am more worried about OUR failure at giving her something that A thinks is so very important.
Besides, giving M Chinese lessons is the only thing we have EVER done that makes my MIL happy. That in itself makes it all worth the effort.
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*In rereading the comments on the last post, I should also mention that A used to complain that his lack of passable Chinese thwarted any possibility that he could go to Taiwan and become an American import Hip Hop/Boy Band star. It is one great tragedies in his life. He and another friend used to joke that they could go to Taiwan and become “The Bay Boys.” They would have the street cred of coming from the big city of San Francisco and also the English part of their rap would sound very authentic. The only piece of the puzzle he was missing was Chinese language skills. He blames his mom for ruining his boy band potential. I blame her too. I totally would have been his groupie.
A question for you…how would you feel if A did not care about M going to Chinese school or learning to speak Chinese? Would you still be trying to instill certain Chinese values in her, and taking responsibility for teaching her Chinese and sending her to Chinese school?
(My husband grew up speaking Chinese and going to Chinese school, but he is not committed to passing on much of his culture. I’m so interested in reading your blog partially because I’m continually trying to work out my responsibility in this situation!)
I have a good friend, his family is from Japan and when they had him and his brother, they decided to be “English only” unless they were discussing the kids in front of them. It is his biggest regret in life, also, that he didn’t learn Japanese, and holds his parents responsible for the same reasons A does…..
can I get those pictures blown up for my wall? Cause you KNOW I’m the biggest A groupie around!
Oh.Yes. A looks *fabulous* as a boy band member in Taiwan!
I’m happy you’re trying so hard to give M and HFC Chinese skills. Language is such an important part of culture.
Your experience, as reflected here and in your response a couple of posts ago to the less-than-sane comments from one poster, emphasize for me how different families’ experiences can be, even when those families share similar demographics. (Yes, I realize that’s an obvious statement, but concrete examples often highlight the obvious.)
I have sometimes wondered if I should be planning to do more to introduce our hapa daughter to aspects of her Chinese heritage. Language school is certainly an option. But then my husband doesn’t speak Chinese. His parents don’t speak. None of his extended family (the oodles of aunts, uncles, and cousins) speaks. Only one of his four grandparents could speak, and he largely abandoned Chinese when he stowed away to the U.S. as a boy. In fact, once my husband’s dad commented to my husband’s mom, when their two kids were young: “We should put them in Chinese school.” Her response? “You never learned to speak.” End of discussion.
For us, in many ways, having our daughter learn Chinese would be similar to having her learn German. (My paternal grandfather spoke only German at home in Minnesota until he was about 6; he was born in the U.S. but only a year after his mother immigrated.) We are not especially close to either culture. In fact, in terms of time in this country, our families are likewise similar. Yes, I have one branch, perhaps an eighth or a sixteenth of my heritage that goes back to pre-Revolutionary times. But one grandmother immigrated as a child, the aforementioned grandfather was the child of very recent immigrants, and most of my other ancestors put me at about fourth or fifth generation. Other than his one grandfather, my husband’s family is about fifth or sixth generation on all sides. They have no connections to China or Taiwan, and I’m not even sure they know from which city/cities/towns they hail, although it’s probably written down somewhere. (This is a good reminder for me to try to seek out that information.)
Anyway, that’s an overly long description of my situation. Thank you for sharing yours with your readers. As always, it is illuminating.
DUUUUUUUUDE!
im commenting for the first time, since i have never had anything to contribute before. but this post about language has really hit home for me. im of cuban/norweigan descent, and was never taught spanish in the home. i also have a very large family who do not speak english , including my grandparents on my mothers side. communication with them has always been difficult and strained. now that i have two children of my own they are also unable to bond with their great grand parents due to the language issues. i hope you continue with your struggle to teach M about her heritage and help her to learn the language as best you can. she may complain as she gets a little older and wants to be more in charge of her time but she will thank you when she is an adult. i think your doing a great job.
It’s not exactly the same, but one of my big regrets is never learning Cantonese when I was in a very good position to do so (as a kid). My husband doesn’t speak fabulous Japanese, but he understands a lot and can get by pretty well in Japan, and he credits his parents’ insistence that he go to Japanese school for what Japanese he does know. For my part, I think it’s important to at least start a child down that path; if s/he later chooses not to pursue it, that’s their perogative, but, if nothing else, it’s a concrete way of demonstrating that you both value M.’s cultural and linguistic heritage.
That said, I’ve been totally dropping the ball with my own daughter and we’re both still torn about how to incorporate Japanese in her life. But she’s only one, so there’s that…
The language thing. In addition to all the people who attended Chinese language school and hated it, there is definitely a significant pool of people who were allowed to quit and now look back with dismay. A friend right now is deciding whether to pull her kids out of Chinese school because they hate it. But she herself deeply regrets that she was allowed to quit Chinese school. She can’t speak Mandarin and she can’t help her kids with the homework. As she sees it, had she been made to stay in school, she could have gotten help from her parents and now she would be able to help her kids. And right or wrong, she views learning Mandarin now as impossible.
As a sad monolingualist [is that a word?], I have always regretted not having language lessons when I was young. Its not just ties to culture [I'm of mostly Irish heritage], its ties to the world and opportunities. The one thing I promised myself was that my kids would be bilingual.
So in our house English and Swedish is spoken, even though no one living in the house is actually Swedish. My husband was married to a Swede, has a daughter in Sweden and lived there for 7 years. He is fluent in Swedish. At some point in the future, our kids will have family in Sweden [via their sister] and we want them to be able to communicate. From the first month after adoption, my husband only spoke to the kids in Swedish. Voila! [okay not as easy as that]–the kids are bilingual in Swedish and English. As I understand it, learning any second language helps with learning other languages.
But we do Chinese school too and tutoring and books and tv and the works. Because it is our kids’ heritage, because they spoke it when they were adopted and we would feel guilty if they lost it completely, because speaking Chinese and English and with an education, they can rule the World! [and we can retire to France!]
Do your best–thats all you can do. Enlist the help of mil by asking her only to speak Chinese to the kids. Buy videos and music and make friends in your school where the parents speak Chinese at home. Get A to the tutor also and let him and M work together—I think a big help for our kids learning these languages is that by parents learning too, they see that it is important to us [My husband is studying Chinese and I try....].
And once you have done your best, don’t beat yourself up over it.
Haha, I’m probably the only one reading who gets the reference “The Bay Boys”. Did A tried to be the “better LA Boyz?” The sad trio of Taiwanese-Americans from Irvine who became huge in Taiwan in the latet 90′s? Please just tell A that the LA Boyz really, really sucked and that they can barely speak mandarin. They spoke mostly a mix of really lousy Taiwanese and some fake-ghetto English. They pretended to be some bad-ass gangster, but really they were just 3 sad Souther-Cal UC Irvine drop-outs (ask A how lame was that for Asians). Back then Taiwanese were naive and though they were the real deal, until REAL Asian American talents like David Tao start showing up and exposed them for the posers they were. Now lots of talented Taiwanese Americans tried realize their dream in Taiwan since Taiwan is extremely receptive to AAs and of course White America won’t give them a second look (Hollywood racist? Really?). A, buddy, I’ll tell you man, we’ve seen your picts and I can tell you right now that 1. You would be consider hot in Taiwan, much hotter than the LA Craps and 2. I can easily see you performing on Taiwanese TV. You could have made it dude. This is coming from my wife so you know it’s real deal.
As for the learning Chinese part, A, I hear you buddy. Unlike A I was born in Taiwan and stayed there a few years, enough to speak just a bit of Chinese. When we moved to the States my parents did the EXACT same thing: spoke to us only in English. Seemed that was the deal back then. So I spoke nothing but English until I was 18; then by a chance I returned to Taiwan after HS for 4 months and I realized how much more frigging FUN Taiwan was. I quickly re-learned my Chinese and came to enjoy the pop-culture, and boy it took a lot of self-hatred and Asian-shame away. I’m a bit older than you guys so this was in the early 90′s; there was this the famous song by Luo Da-You, “Love Song 1990″, and hearing it changed my life and I was addicted to the modern Chinese world. Yeah I did resent my parents for not allowing me to learn Chinese, and I consider myself lucky that I have a wacky cousin in Taichung who welcomed my broken mandarin and introduced me to his friends. It was the best time of my life and I got my Asian side back.
Now I’m married to a Taiwanese gal and my life is almost composed of Asian culture; We get to watch Taiwanese TV in real time due to the magic of the Slingbox (I’m a techie), and we listen to Chinese and Japanese pop music while watching Taiwanese shows (oh the FOOD SHOWS OH MY GOSH) and Japanese dorama. In front of my white friends I’m a regular football-watchin’ Asian American, but in my house I’m just another Taiwanese transplant. I’ll tell you the balance is wonderful. If my wife gets into the Korean Wave we’d be pan-East-Asian in our house.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s not too late to learn a language or get in touch with your roots. Plenty of other AA’s like myself have done it. All I did was pick up a single song in mandarin and my life was changed. If you want to let M keep her Asian side, just let her embrace Asian pop culture. I gaurantee you that if she became a Jay Chou fan when she grow up, she will always keep her mandarin, no matter where she ends up. If she does speak mandarin, heck she can probably be famous in Taiwan. Plenty of Hapa became celebrity in Taiwan due to the remakable non-xenophobic nature of the Taiwanese. Taiwan accepet external culture and people better than ANY East Asian country, and even if you do look white as long as you’re a good person they’d treat you the same. None of this ware ware nihonjin crap like the Japanese. If M can sing as you folks put her to be, just spuce her mandarin up and get her an agent when she’s 16. You folks will be famous!
Want proof? Here’s the band Nan Quan Mama I was telling you about:
http://us.yesasia.com/en/artIdxDept.aspx/section-music/code-c/version-all/aid-777938/
This is their lead female vocal, Lara Veronin:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lara_Veronin
Look at her facial features; this gal is one of the hottest singer in Taiwan now, with thousands of fans in Taiwan and millions of fans in China. She was raised in So-Cal and only moved to Taiwan in her teens, where she was discovered by his majesty Jay Chou (I can’t tell you how big Jay Chou is in the Chinese world). She joined Jay’s project band NanQuanMaMa and now she’s a celebrity in the Chinese world and idol to many young girls. Not one person rejected her due to the way she looked. This could be M in 10 years.
Here’s some more information I hope you guys may find helpful in helping M’s madarin education.
Here’s English page on ETTV (Dong Sen) Yoyo TV, #1 Children’s network in Taiwan:
http://www.ettvamerica.com/ettv/a_channel/a_e_channel_08yoyo.html
Here’s the Dish Network Page for Yoyo TV. You can order this via Dish (not directv, sorry) via a special International-Chinese package, Super Chinese Pack:
http://www.dishnetwork.com/content/programming/channels/indexpackage.asp?NetwID=51021
YoYoTV Chinese Page:
http://yoyo.ettoday.com/ettv_yoyo/
Get M start watching YoYo TV, and soon her madarin will be better than your MIL, and she’ll know who Yoyoman, Ojamajo Do-Re-Mi, Hamtaro, and Peach Sister are. I will tell you now for a toddler this is 10x more effective than Chinese school.
And this is the page for MTV Chi, just annouced MTV Channel for the Asian American wanted to know more about the music scene. This is not for M but for A (or even AmFam if she cares for it
:
http://www.mtvchi.com/
You can order MTV from most cable operators I think. It’s not part of standard programming package, although a lot of AA (and Asia-crazy white kids) wants MTV Chi desperately.
Our district has a Mandarin immersion program for K-5 and people fight like crazy to get into it. Unlike the Spanish program (which is only available to people in the catchment for that school), the Mandarin program is available district-wide, via a lottery. We briefly flirted with applying, but there’s only one class per grade and the separating-multiples won out over language-immersion thing.
Of course, we don’t have the cultural reasons to want to learn the language. But I did have visions of family gatherings with my brother and SIL in the Bay Area. SIL’s father would have been tickled to death, I think.
I’m Cuban and my husband Mexican (although he, himself, considers himself more of an American than anything else but still…the rest of his family speaks Spanish) so we teach our daughter Spanish so that she can communicate with all of our family members. People, specially Hispanics, are always shocked to hear my daughter speak in Spanish (she is black which sort of compounds their shock which is kind of silly to me since there are many black hispanics but anyway…) but a lot of the comments I get from these same people are comments expressing their regret in not teaching their kids their language: “I wish my daughter/son spoke Spanish…it was too hard to teach them or to get them to speak it after they were speaking English at school or with friends…I regret not teaching him/her”
All kids are different and mine may rebel by choosing not to speak it late, but at least for now I love the fact that she was able to communicate with her new “great-grandmother” when we visited a couple of years ago and can still talk to her on the phone. She also has a very close connection to both her grandmothers (who teach her and explain things because they can…because she understands them) and I know that knowing the language has helped.
I get some heat for this but this is not a negotioable thing for me so I just brush it off…still..hard to deal with those that think I’m “torturing” her by making her speak Spanish with me and having it as part of her curriculum (movies and cartoons in Spanish were really helpful too). I always joke that “she” gets to torture me with religion (she has faith and I’m an agnostic so we are constantly talking about the Bible and “diosito”..what she calls “Jesus” in Spanish and my “heathen” ways) so we are even. I tell her she can continue thumping me on the head with her Bible as long as she does it in Spanish – this way we both get what we want.
Just wanted to say thanks for this post…there are times I want to give in/up as it would be so much easier to just speak in English. We no longer “think” or “dream” in Spanish so English has become our main language but the fact that it (Spanish) has brought my daughter and her grandparents so close together has made it all worth it. I think we both regret it if we gave up now.
Hang in there…I realize it is much easier for me since I do speak the language but know that even in my case it is tedious and frustrating and hard to keep up. To be frank…if it hadn’t been for the need of communication with our extended family I’m not sure that I would have started this (she was already a year and half when we started…she is 8 now). I think the fact that she has a tutor and that you continue to expose her to it goes a long way.
I loved reading about the dance class in the previous post – too funny. I also feel the world has been robbed of a great boy band when MIL decided not to teach A the language – a tragic loss to the music world.
This line jumped off the screen and smacked me round the face a couple of times.
“If our kid wants to find her/his birthparents, speaking Chinese will be vital to finding them and creating some kind of a relationship. ”
I will remember this everytime there is a hurdle in helping our daughter learn Mandarin – there are many, many reasons I would love her to learn the language but it is the thought of her one day being able to meet her parents in China and not be able to speak to them in their language that will spur me on.
This is a fascinating topic to me, as someone gearing up to start a family with my native Spanish-speaking, South American-immigrant husband. Lots of people tell me that kids only really become fluent if *both* parents are fluent. I can see why that might be true. I’m not fluent in Spanish–though I can get by OK–but it’s really important to me that our kids can speak Spanish. In fact, I think it’s more important to me than it is to my husband. I suspect that I will have to encourage him to speak more Spanish at home. It’s partly that I suspect that he will really regret it (and that our kids will regret it) if they don’t grow up being able to communicate equally well with both sides of the family. I think he somehow thinks that it will happen naturally, and I think we’re going to need to make an effort to ensure that it comes to pass. But then again, that sums up each of our individual approaches to pretty much everything in life! More than likely, my mother-in-law will either live with us or have long-term visits though, so the increased Spanish speaking at home may well happen effortlessly since Abuela speaks no English other than a killer grasp on the verb “to be” and a melodic interpretation of numbers 1-5.
Any people out there who grew up speaking two languages fluently, but where only one parent was truly bilingual?
One set of my daughter’s grandparents speak mostly Chinese (Cantonese and Mandarin) but so far, they’ve pretty much refused to claim her as their grandchild. So should I even try to help her learn Chinese?
My partner’s take on Chinese school is that she had to attend so Valerie will too. She’ll have the same obstacles M does as far as not speaking the language at home but I’m hoping in the end, it’s good for her.
Without an interest to the culture, leaning Chinese or any foreign language in the US won’t stick. If you want your child to learn a language, the culture must be part of it. In fact, many white kids are now learning Japanese just to read more manga (comic books) and watch more anime. If you adopted parents are SERIOUS about wanting your Chinese daughter to grow up and not a banana (white inside, yellow outside), then please help them accept their own MODERN culture, not just the ancient, stereotypical stuff. How a Chinese sees themselve is very, very different than how a White person sees Chinese.
I personally know 3 adopted Asians (all Koreans), and every one of them endured periods of self-doubt due to their inherent white culture with a yellow face. They can’t get accepted in the white world due to racism, and they can’t get accepted by Koreans due to their lack of language and culture. When their Korean-American friends talk about RAIN, these poor kids would think they’re talking about the weather (RAIN is the most popular Korean singer today). When they did learn eventually about people like BoA and Bae Yong Jun (the man who made Japan love Korea), and the modern Korean Wave, that’s when they started to feel part of the community, even with their white last names.
So I plead with white parents of adopted Asians; since you alone can’t change the fact that your children will face the racism all Asians in America faces, please help your child to know about the REAL Asian cultures so at least they have a choice. Now they may choose to become lily-white and not give a hoot about their Asian-ness despite their appearance, but at least let them make that call. This means allowing them to learn not just the language but the real, current culture of their country of origin. Don’t let them learn about Asians only through the eyes of the White World (re: Hollywood); they will most likely end up hating themselves. Allow them to see Asians through their own eyes and see how other Asians see themselves. No, not just the flower drum dance or other aspect of the ancient Asian culture, but the cultures Asians and Asian Americans live with today.
Since most of you lack the knowledge to begin with, it’s going to be very difficult, but please try, lest you want to see the bitterness your child may carry for the rest of their lives. Chances are in this day of the internet, there’s a good chance you don’t really need to teach them anything; eventually when they’re old enough the confusion and the heart-ache inside them will drive them to seek out their Asian-side. Before you know it, they will be watching anime, listening to J/K/C-POP, downloading J or K-doramas and worshipping an Asian guy named “Gackt” while dressing like a kol-gal from Harajuku. Asian culture is becoming globally dominate and as parents of Asians you should at least get familar yourself with it.
Sigh, I don’t think anyone will care what I have to say, but at least I tried.
Liz, help your child learn Chinese for her own sake, not on what the grandparents think. Unless your child (I assume she’s hapa) look white enough to pass, give her the language. Learn mandarin has that will be the new global language for world-wide Chinese; Cantonese is a regional dialect.
As someone who suffered through 10 years of Chinese school, I’ve got to say that your decision to let M attend Chinese school is a wise one. I hated the homework (lots of memorizing, lots of drills) and having to spend 2.5 hours every weekend cooped up in a tiny room with people who were equally bored as I was, but now I can speak fluently (Cantonese only) and write well enough to pass for a high school graduate. I’m really glad my parents put me through it, because it doesn’t only give me a certain advantage if I ever were to move back to Hong Kong to work, it makes me feel . . . there’s no way to say this without coming off like a complete dolt … it makes me feel more Chinese, more connected to my roots. That was cheesy, but there it is.
Interesting post.
I am now in a heated argument with my husband about the kids` Japanese school, which they attend for a full day all Saturday. I think it`s a big waste of money and an even bigger waste of time. They never do their homework because he`s not home enough to help them (and they`re both beyond the point at which I could help them). I just want them to drop it, because after a year, it`s not getting any better — if anything, it`s getting worse. There must be a better way….
I’d like to add to the discussion that it’s not an easy task to raise a kid bilingual, it’s tough enough with one or the two parents being completely fluent in the languages you are teaching your kid, now when the target language is not spoken at home and the general environment does not promote the use of that language then it’s twice as hard…
I taught English for many years, both ESL and EFL. ESL is English as a second language, that is the person learning it is immersed in an English culture. EFL is English as a foreign language, that is the person learning it only has very limited contact with the language as the surrounding environment is different from English…
ESL students learn exponentially faster than EFL… EFL students can take up to years (specially children) to work wit the basic/intermediate level of the language.
This applies to any language… if you are learning it as a second language is faster and easier… if you are learning it as a foreign language you need to have very realistic expectations and time frame.
My mother language is French, it took me 9 years of classes every afternoon for one hour to speak it to a proficient level (I started with classes at 4 yo)… I learned English as a EFL, and it really took having interest in the language to follow up with it, for a long while I hated the classes, but then I got into the music and that helped spark my interest and made me put more energy into it.
it’s not an easy task you and A are getting into, specially cause M does not hear A talk in Chinese. Do know you have to be very realistic about the goals you set for her and that at some points she will not be interested…
I’m married to an American, and at home we’re trying to raise our 2yo bilingual, and it’s not so easy, even with me being proficient in both languages and my husband speaking some french… my daughter now understands both languages perfectly, but she’s starting to prefer English to speak (which is the logical progression as everyone and everything around her is in English). I read to hear every day in French, play French music for her and make sure that I only talk to her in French while at home. Even with that, it’s a challenge and an uphill battle… definitely it takes determination and patience.
What I”m trying to say, be very realistic on your expectations and try to surround her with more Chinese, it would help if A made an extra effort and talk to her in Chinese (she’d have the motivation to talk back to him in Chinese). This is something that will take years and even then you might find her only being to speak basic/intermediate Chinese…
Know you are not alone in your quest, many parents are working on the task of raising a bilingual child, just be patient with her and yourselves…
Thanks for your blog, I love reading it…
The year that I worked and lived in Japan, I had a co-worker named Andrew, who was Chinese-American. (He was often mistaken for a Japanese person while living in Japan, which caused him all kinds of trouble, since he didn’t speak or read a word of Japanese. One time he got arrested for skateboarding in a public park, where, evidently, it was clearly written, in Japanese, no skateboarding. I digress.) Anyway, Andrew expressed to me that he regretted his parents decision to speak only English to him, because it meant that his relationship with his mother was severely limited. His mother’s English was not good, and Andrew’s Chinese was not good. “I wish I could have a meaningful conversation with my mom, but, mostly it is limited to, “what do you want to eat today?”
What I find incredible/astonishing about this story is that Andrew’s parents were so committed to his becoming assimilated to American culture that they actually sacrificed his ability to communicate with his own mother, and I have to think, there must be a better way to bridge the gap between two cultures in one home. I know that children who hear two separate and distinct languages at home consistently will eventually become fluent in both, even if it means that they actually spend a period of time delayed in both languages.
LM
Is there someone else who could spend time with M and speak with her in Chinese (sorry I wasn’t paying attention to which language)? Could you give room and board to a Chinese grad student in exchange for x number of hours just hanging out and speaking with M? Do any of the parents of her classmates speak Chinese?
My grandfather’s parents wanted to assimilate into American culture, so they spoke only English at home (which was tough, because his mom barely spoke English). But my grandfather wanted to know what his parents were saying to each other, so he hung out with the old people in the neighborhood and picked up their native language. He was fluent speaking and reading, but crappy at writing, but the point is that he had other speakers in his life who immersed him in the language.
Thanks for this perspective. My mother’s good friend–Thai-American (a new US citizen, in fact) just had a baby on her own. Her unsupportive family are all in Thailand and none speak English. She is very ambivalent about speaking Thai to her baby, but wants him to be able to read religious texts in the original someday. Maybe this will encourage her. I know I’d love to be able to give my child a second language.
Early exposure is key – it’s awesome that you’re working so hard, and struggling yourself, so that you can offer M this thing that A so regrets. Learning a language is certainly never a bad idea!!
I would also second Moxie’s ideas and the TV station ideas – good luck! Certainly, the more a language is a real, live, useful, real thing, the more M will have the incentive to absorb it. But of course I’m sure you know that already. Go you!!
(and Hip Hop/Boy Band A looks awesome *grin*)
MV of “Coral Sea”, the #1 duet ordered in Karaoke (KTVs) in the Greater China world in 2005, from Jay Chou’s last album, “November Chopin”. Performed by Jay Chou and Lara Veronin, with Lyrics written by Lara (little lala to her fans).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OH9g-c-gyjM
Just one potential benefit of an early Chinese education. Lara’s pernounciation is near perfect.
Some of my favorite NanQuanMama songs featuring Lara:
Mu Dan Jiang (MuDan River): great mixture of an old Chinese folk song with modern beats. Don’t miss Lara’s solo; it’s the song which made Taiwan, China and HK fall in love with her. From their 2nd CD.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXG4FdtCpV8
“What can I do”: First NQMM song featuring Lara exclusively. Music and Lyrics written by Lara. Beatle-esque ballad. Also from their 2nd CD.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPG02eE_3w8
“Tonight”: First single from their #1 selling 3rd Album. Lara wrote this song as well. Soft ballad with heavy regae influence. By this time Lara is deemed leader of the band and everyone expect her to write songs. She’s only 17 at this time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2QEMjvBRC4
“Softly Telling You”: Great love song. Lara stands out in this song; from their 3rd CD.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lN0nxOSKR8
“Not Far From You”: Lara’s got a GREAT solo parts in English in this song, make the whole song stand out. Also from their 3rd CD.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLaxJr8zk_k
Notice how normal Lara’s been treated in these videos. Despite her “exotic” features, no effort’s been made to stereotype her “whiteness”. It matters so little people rarely even talk about it. She’s just a talented member of the band. I’m sorry to have posted so much about them, but I love NanQuan Mama and so damn proud of them. All I ask if you guys watch through all the MVs (and maybe buy their CDs eh?).
Some songs by Rainie Yang, the Princess of Cute in Taiwan and most popular with the pre-teen set. Everyone and their dog in greater China has heard a Rainie song. Her songs are most happy or puppy-love songs; not great but just put you in a good mood. Plus she’s cute as hell.
“Celebration”: #1 single of her latest CD. My wife can’t get enough of this song; she said it make her feel like she’s in Disney Land.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQgl15rgaWk
“Dissappear”: Another one of Rainie Happy songs loved by kids. Used in McDonald and HK Disney Land commercials.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_bx6B_cEv4
“Perfect Lover”: the song which her made her the #1 idol to all Younger Chinese kids. Put her right behind Jolin in term of popularity.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swdbiKqjoOQ
“Ai Mei” I can’t translate the title properly, but you guys speak Chinese so you figure it out. This song made Rainie the dream date for millions of young men; she looked dreamy in this MV. From a popular T-dorama starring Rainie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMjxbrJWRd4
“Cute” Typical Rainie ballad. My 9 yrs-old niece loved this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nllJHxOTeJY
Correction: I’m probably high today cus I translated two song titles wrong. It’s “Softly Telling HER” and “Not Far From HOME”. Lara would be angry at me.
I’m not a linguistics expert, but I think I remember my linguistics friends telling me that it really helps to have exposure to the language early on for pronunciation at least. Even if the kid has to re-learn the language later, she’ll be able to sound more like a native speaker.
A couple of comments:
I LOVE THOSE PICTURES!!! Hilarious! You know, it’s not too late for A to realize his dream…you only have to learn enough of the words to the song…
Re Aegismode: “Don’t let them learn about Asians only through the eyes of the White World (re: Hollywood); they will most likely end up hating themselves. Allow them to see Asians through their own eyes and see how other Asians see themselves. No, not just the flower drum dance or other aspect of the ancient Asian culture, but the cultures Asians and Asian Americans live with today”. –Very well put. I agree entirely.
My kids are Korean, both are in their teens. Neither speaks enough Korean to carry on a conversation, but both have learned at least a few words and phrases. Our son (who’s 17) is interested in learning Japanese now, and our daughter is taking Chinese (after having gone through a Spanish immersion program through 7th grade).
In their cases and in our community, neither has felt excluded from their Korean friends because they lack the language, because not all of their friends speak Korean either. I share this to maybe alleviate some of the fear that a lack of language translates into exclusion from our children’s ethnic communities here.
This was such an interesting post! I struggle with the bilingual thing on a daily basis. I grew up speaking Mandarin at home and had to endure Saturday morning Chinese school. I hate to say that I was lazy and an unmotivated student since I knew there was no immediate consequences to not knowing boh poh moh foh. I was more concerned about what was being served at the potluck lunch.
That being said, I never regret being able to speak Mandarin. It has served me more than I deserve. It gives an intimacy between me and my parents that I didn’t expect–especially coming out of a not so physically affectionate family. I’ve been able to help people who were lost. And I was able to build relationships with Chinese people in the strangest parts of the world–Nigeria for instance.
Did I mention that I was lazy? My daughter spends most of her time during the work week with her nanny who speaks to her solely in Mandarin. I hope some of it is rubbing off. She can’t really speak yet–she is only 17 mos. But when I come home, I fight the urge to speak English and try to inflect in more Chinese. But did I mention that I was lazy. So code switching is tough for this girl after a long day at the office.
So what are forward thinking and Chinese proud parents to do? I had thought of sending her off to some place in China to struggle like I did when I was a teenager. But that seems like a difficult way.
I’m hoping to learn good tips from other Chinese families though.
I convinced my mom to let me quit Chinese school for three years. After those 3 years, my mom bribed me to go back to Chinese school for about 2 years. When those 2 years passed, I was enjoying going to Chinese school every week and was extremely passionate about learning. I’m on youtube listening to Chinese music and trying to sing along with the KTV songs uploaded and typing Chinese on forums now.
Knowing Chinese is a wonderful gift, not just because it helps you connect with your external family, but because it makes you feel more connected with yourself.
Also, if you do begin gaining interest in Chinese, those long years in school make everything seem worthwhile (though I never paid attention, so I’m sort of regretting it now..)
[...] A very predictable argument followed in which I reminded Mr. A that it is his fault that we mess with Chinese school in the first place. I also reminded him that we had already revisited our committment Chinese school about a month ago when I filled out and sent in the registration form. [...]
[...] posts plugin, but if you are interested here they are: Chinese school year one posts: one, two, three, four, five and six. Chinese school year two posts: one, [...]