Comments on: starting young.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 15:59:19 +0000

I think it is pretty typical for the preschool age. It isn’t so serious, at least with most girls. I remember I hated this pahase–if I said I didn’t like you I generally meant it and assumed the reverse. And my daughter seems to take it all too seriously as well. She lives and dies by who sat by her and who worked with her. But the other girls don’t take it so seriously. We’re working on my daughter’s “buck up” skills.

It will probably make it easier on you if M isn’t upset or crying about it. Good luck.

By: Martina

Martina — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 15:28:50 +0000

I think it is great that they worked it out — I think kids today are just better tooled in communication than we/I were!

By: luolin

luolin — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 14:55:35 +0000

I remember having a fight like that with my best friend when I was in Kindergarten and she was in 1st grade. (I remember because I made up a *very* witty insult based on rhyming with her name-NOT) We were still best friends until she moved in 6th grade.

By: Jody

Jody — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 14:08:47 +0000

To put it another way: by junior high, or even second grade, this is definitely a “mean girl” thing. But for preschooler girls, I think it just doesn’t have the same emotional weight, because they’re all still very much in the narcissitic phase of psychological development.

By: Jody

Jody — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 14:07:38 +0000

Alas, no, it’s typical.

It also seems to have (for most kids) absolutely no consequence. I used to completely freak out about the whole “so-and-so isn’t my friend anymore” announcements, or the “I have a new best friend, so-and-so isn’t my best friend anymore” decisions — because those are HUGE social shifts in my memory — but it all seemed to switch by the next week. And none of my kids seemed the least bit fazed to be on the receiving end (although: I have to think there are sensitive kids who Are Not Happy, even at age 3, to endure this stuff).

The first month of kindergarten, the girls were obsessed with their “new best friends.” But — I finally realized, it was entirely dependent on who sat next to them on the carpet each day.

This does seem to be one of those “right brain development/relational” issues that girls do before boys. Wilder has friends, and he talks about friends, but it’s not the same dynamic, I don’t think.

Unless I perceive differences out of my own expectations for gender difference….

Anyway, my final word: normal. Not that big a deal. Likely to shift by next week anyway. Good luck.