It’s that time of the year again. Time to repost one of my favorite MIL moments. For your Thanksgiving pleasure, I give you Jesus and the Ancestors Sent Us a Kosher Turkey.
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
So on Wednesday, my mother-in-law showed up at our house with a large frozen turkey. This was especially strange because we had all decided to go out for sushi (even though I offered to cook a traditional dinner…anything to avoid having to cook Chinese style food for MIL).
After a cup or two of sake, MIL told us that she believed that the turkey she gave us was a miracle.
Of course, we had to ask how a turkey could be a miracle and this is what she told us:
At the grocery store, they give you a free turkey for being a good customer. Everyday for four days, I went to the grocery store to get my free turkey. The first three days, the turkeys were no good. Too big, too small, just not right. But yesterday, when I went to the grocery store, my luck changed. When I got to the big turkey freezer, there was a woman putting a big turkey in her cart. She was telling her husband how lucky they were to get this turkey. Then, the butcher clerk saw what she had and also said she was very lucky. I looked in her cart to see what kind of special turkey she had, so I could get this same kind of special turkey.
When I looked in the turkey freezer, I saw that there was just one turkey like that one left and I grabbed it. I looked at the turkey to see why it is so good and I see that it is a very expensive turkey. This turkey should cost THIRTY-EIGHT DOLLARS. Can you believe it? A turkey that cost $38 and I was getting it for FREE because of my grocery card. Very lucky.
Then I looked closer at the turkey. I see it is a KOSHER turkey. I went every day for three days and there were no Kosher turkeys before. I knew then that it was a miracle, just for me. I know that Jesus sent me this turkey and it is not just luck.
At this point, she seemed to think that was the end of the story. The rest of us did not. A incredulously asked her why Jesus would possibly send her a Kosher turkey.
Oh, it is because of Amah—that’s my mother. she said.
When I was a little girl, Amah killed many geese for us to eat. When Amah was going to kill a goose, first she hit it on the top of the head like this. She demonstrated by knocking her fist on her head. She hit it with the handle of the knife, right on its head. Then she mumbled some words. Then she slit its throat. Amah, I asked her, why do you say those words? Because she was a Buddhist, Amah said that she was saying a prayer for the goose when she had to kill it. She asked a blessing for her family.
When I saw that the turkey was Kosher, I know when it is killed, the Rabbi says a prayer. Just like when Amah killed a goose!
So then I know that Amah is in heaven and she told Jesus to send me the Kosher turkey so I will know it is from Amah and she is watching us. It is a miracle that I got this Kosher turkey.
Besides, it is worth THIRTY-EIGHT DOLLARS and I got it for FREE! That is a miracle too!
I love your mil at moments like this (and from a great distance in place and relationship). Oh to find miracles in the grocerystore!
Priceless. Fucking priceless. We should all be blessed with such miracles.
Do you think you could make it into a children’s story?
Jesus & The Kosher Turkey
Or maybe a best-selling memoir-
Jesus, the Ancestors, and the Kosher Turkey:
How a Chinese mother-in law found spirituality in the Midwest
I thought of this story the other day when I read something in our newspaper’s food section that claimed the free turkeys they give away are probably left over from last year. I’d forgotten the details, though-thanks for re-posting!
I imagine this tiny chinese lady with spunk (who know, the ones who always wiggle in front of you when getting into the bus) telling you this story with Margaret Cho’s voice the she uses for her mother… and I am on the floor laughing….
What a great story! Thanks for sharing it with us today. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
Your MIL’s logic is really sweet. Her convoluted way of bringing meaning to her “miracle” is very endearing. From your other descriptions of this woman it is a benevolent self absorption rather than her self absorption that just seems to be judgmental or demeaning to others.
I also love it that she thought the meaning would be OBVIOUS to everyone else.
you know amber, it’s my third year reading this story (I’m not counting all the times i read it just to cheer myself up over the last 2 years) and I still maintain that this is one for my favorite blog entries of all times, bar none!
Well, it is comforting to know that when Buddhists die, they are in direct communication with Jesus.
Your MIL was really off on this one! Not surprising, we know, but still… Kosher does NOT mean that Rabbi’s say a prayer over the animal before the are killed. Quite the contrary in fact. Kashrut means that the way the animals are grown, fed, killed and processed are under supervision by a shochet who is sometimes a Rabbi, but doesn’t have to be. The schochet’s job is to ensure that the plant is spotlessly clean, that the animal has no interior or exterior wounds or bad spots, and that there is no mixing of dairy and meat products at all. That a Rabbi prays over the animal is a misnomer because of the supervision. But really… no prayers.
Check out http://www.empirekosher.com/zip.php?contentpage=pagesnew/flowchart.htm
for information about the process of koshering poultry.
I love this post. It is really a classic. And I wish that other commenter hadn’t told us no prayers.
When you write some David Sedaris like memoir this has to be included in the first chapter.
oh my goodness, i love you mil stories! my mother has the same strange logic of finding things as a “sign from god” or “miracle” as your mil. or my mother prays that she will get a green light, or some other trivial matter, and then “god answered my prayer! all you have to do is pray because god answers prayers. he answered my prayer! blah blah blah”. some days it’s easy to laugh at it. other days are harder.
The classics never fade….
The story just never gets old. I read it again this year and laughed harder than last time. Truly, a classic.
Well, we had a very unlucky turkey this year. Not kosher–organic. I’m pretty sure nobody prayed over it before it died and it cost $50.00!
Thanks for the repost. I think about the Kosher Turkey Miracle periodically throughout the year.
I never ever get tired of the Kosher Turkey Miracle story.
I freaking LOVE this story.
Bwahahaha. MIL lives with us, so she does the whole Chinese Thanksgiving feast each year. The first year after she moved in, I said I’d do the traditional American dishes. So we both cooked enough food for a small army.
If my MIL were familiar with the concept of a kosher turkey, she’d agree with your MIL 100%.
This will never not be funny.
Great, great story
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