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Wow

So, what they don’t tell you is that the entire day is in slow motion until you get in that room.  Then, it screams into super fast-forward.

First the pictures, because that is all you really want anyway.

It was a hard day for L. (that is her initial, btw, L).  I can’t describe what happened in that room, except to say that she was freaked out.  The only thing that calmed her down was singing Twinkle twinkle little star, ba luo buo and liang zhi lao hu in chinese.  M started the singing, I think, and we all joined in.

There was a photo taken by the orphanage staff, but we missed taking one ourselves.  We couldn’t talk to them at all in the chaos.

L basically cried for three hours until she wore herself (and me) out.  My arms are aching and she cries if I sit down.  A makes her cry, but he is ok with that.  We were doing really well with the ergo, until I made a rookie mistake and changed her diaper on top of it.  Of course she peed all over it, so it is drying now.

We also failed formula 101.  They said hot and thick, but I didn’t believe they could really mean THAT hot and THAT thick.   Our most successful ratio was 7 scoops formula, 3 scoops rice cereal and 210 ml water.  Even that was not a resounding success.  She ate about 2/3rds of one bottle and drifted off to sleep with little shuttering sobs.  Also, apparently the hole of the nipple has to be way way bigger than I thought.  Duh.

After the three hours of crying, I am worn out and weepy.  Just from fatigue, not from questioning the decision to do this.  We have realized though, how our very very very easy lives are now going to be much much much harder for a very long time.  I forgot how hard a baby can be.  And this is going to be a lot harder than it was with M.

I have had some flashes of connection with L.  I played a game with her where I stuck my tongue out in the mirror.  She would look at me in the mirror, then look at my face.  Then I would stick it out again.  We did that for about 10 minutes, interest but no smiles.

M, though, M has just been a total love.  She tries and tries to make the baby happy.  She climbed in the crib and played peek a boo.  She is being so brave and loving, it breaks my heart.  God, I love that girl.  I am so sad that her life is being so disrupted, even if it is all for the best  in the end.  Her big heart just humbles me.

I have to eat something then go to bed.  I am exhausted.

(If you are reading this from the orphanage group, you can go to the next post by clicking that link in the upper right hand corner of this post  where it says “A Better Day”  or by reading the archives link at the top of the page  or category archives under Lovely Little L.)

February 26th, 2007 | Category: Adoption, Lovely Little L, Uncategorized

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