So, what they don’t tell you is that the entire day is in slow motion until you get in that room. Then, it screams into super fast-forward.
First the pictures, because that is all you really want anyway.
It was a hard day for L. (that is her initial, btw, L). I can’t describe what happened in that room, except to say that she was freaked out. The only thing that calmed her down was singing Twinkle twinkle little star, ba luo buo and liang zhi lao hu in chinese. M started the singing, I think, and we all joined in.
There was a photo taken by the orphanage staff, but we missed taking one ourselves. We couldn’t talk to them at all in the chaos.
L basically cried for three hours until she wore herself (and me) out. My arms are aching and she cries if I sit down. A makes her cry, but he is ok with that. We were doing really well with the ergo, until I made a rookie mistake and changed her diaper on top of it. Of course she peed all over it, so it is drying now.
We also failed formula 101. They said hot and thick, but I didn’t believe they could really mean THAT hot and THAT thick. Our most successful ratio was 7 scoops formula, 3 scoops rice cereal and 210 ml water. Even that was not a resounding success. She ate about 2/3rds of one bottle and drifted off to sleep with little shuttering sobs. Also, apparently the hole of the nipple has to be way way bigger than I thought. Duh.
After the three hours of crying, I am worn out and weepy. Just from fatigue, not from questioning the decision to do this. We have realized though, how our very very very easy lives are now going to be much much much harder for a very long time. I forgot how hard a baby can be. And this is going to be a lot harder than it was with M.
I have had some flashes of connection with L. I played a game with her where I stuck my tongue out in the mirror. She would look at me in the mirror, then look at my face. Then I would stick it out again. We did that for about 10 minutes, interest but no smiles.
M, though, M has just been a total love. She tries and tries to make the baby happy. She climbed in the crib and played peek a boo. She is being so brave and loving, it breaks my heart. God, I love that girl. I am so sad that her life is being so disrupted, even if it is all for the best in the end. Her big heart just humbles me.
I have to eat something then go to bed. I am exhausted.
(If you are reading this from the orphanage group, you can go to the next post by clicking that link in the upper right hand corner of this post where it says “A Better Day” or by reading the archives link at the top of the page or category archives under Lovely Little L.)
You did it, AmFam. I’m so happy for you. See you soon.
Oh, they are both so sweet, your girls. Here’s hoping things get easier quickly, and that those moments of connection expand. Congratulations on such a momentous day for all of you.
Congratulations, American Family (and family!). Bravo to M – she sounds like a great kid.
M must get her heart and courage from her mama….you all look amazing in the photos, and L will soon be giving those smiles and fun games right back (but I know that you already know that).
Thank you so much for sharing with us!
What amazing girls you have. M is a legend. Congratulations. I hope things get easier soon as I’m surwe they will.
What a cutie! Glad that M is doing well.
My mantra while in China was “this too shall pass”.
OMG she is just so beautiful and M is such a darling, darling girl. It all takes time but the smiles will soon replace the tears.
Both of your girls are lovely and the photo of M hugging L is delicious. Enjoy getting to know your girl and watching your girls bond. Congratulations! You are now a family of 4!
Oh, I’m so happy for you. She is just beautiful. wow.
Your family is complete. Congratulations!
What beautiful pictures. My heart goes out to little L, and to M too. Look at their sweet faces. It is going to be wonderful watching their relationship unfold. Congratulations!
What a beautiful family you have!
So beautiful, so beautiful. Very teary here (and just as blotchy as L. when she cries). congratulations mama – I know you are tired but I also know how much love and care you are already giving L. And I know that you will hold her in your arms until they fall off.
L. is just absolutely gorgeous. And M. broke my heart a little with the love and care she is already giving to her mei mei.
So, so , so happy. Oh, and you look incredibly gorgeous in the photos too!
Hey, sounds like a good start on Metcha day.
Ah, what a lovely little girl she is! And what a sweet heart M has. Congratulations to all of you, and may you begin to see more and more of L.’s personality shining through in the next few weeks. Congratulations!
congratulations. she’s absolutely adorable. And M is going to be a GREAT big sister.
she’s gorgeous, and what you said about m is so sweet. i’m very very happy for you guys.
Oh, what a day indeed. Congrats, she is so beautiful and M so sweet. You have raised one lovely, compassionate girl there. So happy for you, and hope you can get some rest.
I’m just so happy for you all. Welcome to AmFam, little L!
Welcome little L! Congrats A&A&M…..
I know this is the hard part, but trust me when I say sisters are the best!
Look at her!!! She is gorgeous! And what a great big sister M is. Congratulations!
Congrats to all of you! I’m so happy and excited for you!
First of all congratulations AmFam!! M looks like she is being a trooper. What a beautiful picture at the end of this entry. L’s expression in the 2nd picture is so familiar to me. It’s almost the exact same face LSP makes in all the pictures we have of her from her first few days. It breaks my heart to go back and look at them. But you’ll get over the rough hump and you’ll all thrive. Mazel tov!!!
Congratulations, both M & L are beautiful, and M at such a young age, has such a big heart.
Congratulations. L and M are beautiful. They look like they were made for each other. Don’t worry it will get easier. Those first few days with baby in China are pretty brutal. A blur…for good reason.
Many good wishes.
Welcome L! Even through all the tears, you guys make a beautiful family. M looks like she’s quite taken with L, and meant to play the big sister role!
Sniff! So happy for you guys!
Get rest and hope all improves from here.
Deanna
Congratulations! You’ve made me cry this morning, so good job on that front. Wishing you all the best.
wow is right. It is all so intense. so moving. your first day. it made me want to cry, too.
Very moving photos and description I second all that Chicagomama said. M’s love and big heart is heartbreakingly beautiful, and you look great!! L seems to be a very smart baby, that probably makes it even harder for her and you. Like others said, I admire your courage, and, like you said, it’s hard, but it’s for the best. Thank you so much for sharing.
Congratulations and again thank you for sharing such an intensely beautiful and private moment. Stay well, keep well, love well. Pink
What a day! I think I’d be pretty weepy and worn out as well. I hope L is able to adjust quickly.
Wow. That really brings me back to our first days with V. brought tears to my eyes, actually. Congratulations to you all. What a wonderful big sister M is!
SHE IS BEAUTIFUL. I loved reading this and seeing pictures. I’m so happy for you and your lovely family, A!!! xoxoxoxo
Delurking again. Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
Congrats to you all. Bless L’s little heart. She’ll turn the corner. How could she not with that big sister of hers?
Best wishes you guys!
Many, many congratulations.
It does work out.
M sounds so normal, like my older kids did each time.
L sounds so normal, if younger, like my younger kids did and do.
Congratulations of the warmest kind.
Congratulations to you all. What a lovely family.
Despite the tears, you all look lovely together. That last picture is awesome. If all else fails, try some sugar in the formula. You will soon be an expert in eating one-handed with chopsticks!
Oh she is so lovely. That pic with M comforting her is wonderful. Congrats on your new addition, and I hope things aren’t as bumpy as you fear they will be.
Congratulations!! What a beautiful family, I am so happy for you. I remember when we met our daughter for the first time and how traumatic it was for her (and she was 5 so she at least had some comprehension of what was happening). However, after that first day, every day got a little easier and we all started growing together as a family.
Best wishes for the rest of your trip and safe travels home!
Congratulations! The last picture is too precious for words. Hope you guys get some rest and some quiet time together the next few days.
Many congratulations. She is absolutely beautiful and M will be a great big sister.
Oh, poor little L! But what a pretty little girl–even with her grumpy face.
Whew! Three hours of crying is bad enough with a newborn who insists you stand and hold her, but a heavy older baby–ouch!
M looks very sweet and earnest trying to comfort her. And you really look like her mom in these pictures, even if “mom under stress.”
Oh! Amber you break my heart. Reading your entry made me weep. You all make such a beautiful family. I am so so happy for you!!!
So beautiful…I feel like *I*have been waiting for you to meet L for forever so I can only imagine how you feel! M. looks so sweet in those pictures. Congratulations!!
Oh, she is gorgeous! And M, sweet, loving M! It must be really confusing for her but look at her persevere.
You all must be exhausted. Hang in there and keep those great pictures coming.
I’m getting all choked up thinking about your little family! M is being such a champ and I think the sister part of the bond is going to be so special! Congrats again!
Congratulations. Hang in there. I feel so lucky to be reading this story.
Your bangs, by the way, don’t look too short at all. What were you talking about?!
Being in the Pacific time zone, I am always the last to know everything, but I am here now and SO happy for you guys and SO proud of M for being such a wonderful big sister. The pictures are amazing — thank you for sharing those with us. Dammit, you made me cry, too.
Mazel tov! such a loooooonnnnggg time coming! Enjoy every minute of it, the good and the not so good, it’s all part of it.
as for the bottles, don’t stress it, it’s not always about how you make it, but getting them to take it in the first place.