Yesterday was a long day. L refused to be put down. She also refused to let the person holding her sit down. That meant I carried her for about 12 hours. Mr. A carried her for a walk for an hour, but she cried and cried, so it was mostly me.
By bedtime at 7:00, I was tired. I had used two carriers (an ergo and a fleece pouch from kangaroo corner) but my back and arms were still really, really tired.
L won’t willingly sit or lay down if anyone (me) is nearby to carry her. She CAN do it, but she would NOT do it.
At bedtime I cradled her and walked back and forth in our room until she fell asleep. But when I tried to transfer her to the bed, she woke up.
FOUR TIMES.
By that time I had been carrying her for about an hour and 20 minutes (not to mention the carrying for the rest of the day). My arms and back were screaming with pain. Finally, I just couldn’t do it any more. I laid down with her on the bed or tried to lay her on top of me which made her hysterical. Absolutely hysterical.
After about 10 to 15 minutes of screaming, I tried to carry her again. Again, she woke up when I put her in the bed.
At this point I was ready to chuck her out our 14th floor window. Either that, or I was going to jump myself.
I went next door where Mr. A was giving M a bath and told him to get in here and put L to bed. I am sure I had the look of a crazy person, so he jumped up and picked up L without arguing. Finally, he got her to sleep and transfered to the bed.
I have been a mother long enough to know that the desire to throw my kid out the window is perfectly normal. I know it means that I am overextended and I need a break. Carrying around 20 screaming lbs for 12 hours is enough to drive anyone crazy. And we all know it isn’t good for the family if I am a martyr. After the handoff, I sat quietly staring at the computer for an hour then I went to bed.
This morning, things with L were better. When she woke up, we looked at each other in bed for about 20 minutes before she remembered that she was supposed to be insisting I carry her. She finally has an appetite, too. Once we figured out that a specific cry means “feed me”, we managed to feed her and keep her quiet for most of the morning and through lunch (it is about 3 in the afternoon right now).
We are tossing the orphanage schedule, becuase all her body’s cues are telling us differently. She takes two naps instead of one. She eats bottles all day, whenever we think she might be hungry. We are introducing different foods. So far, she likes cheerios, congee with 1000 year old egg, watermelon, bananas, and banana bread. She does not care for the vegetable and marrow baby food we tried.
I will try to update more later about our activities and the more positive aspects of the last few days.
oh, man. poor little L. Poor you! I hope you all get some sleep and peace sooner rather than later. But just think how buff your biceps are going to be.
Mr. A sounds like a fabulous husband and father. I’m glad you got a break, and hope things improve for you all soon. And yes, what toned arms you’re soon going to have!
Oh, poor baby, poor you. I’m glad you can keep the throwing the baby out the window thing in perspective. We all have those thoughts. Hang in! I’m sure it probably seems neverending right now, but as they used to tell us when we had newborn twins, IT WILL GET BETTER!
I feel your pain. Reading this brought memories flashing back about Jada. She cried, I cried, she cried, and then I cried some more. This was the first 3 days. Then she woke up one day and realized that we weren’t going away. Things improved after that.
I’m sure you are beyond tired. Remember that lots of people have been there done that, you are not doing anything wrong, and yes, indeed this too shall pass…
Oy, mama. It sounds like an absolutely exhausting couple of days. I am glad you updated because I was starting to wonder if one of you (odds were even in my mind) had decided to jump out of the window.
I remember feeling this exact same way, thankfully I had you to talk me down from the really scary bits.
I cannot wait to hear more of what has been happening, I am glad to know that there are good bits as well. Sending lots of love and hugs to all (even if L. would reject them right now).
Take care of yourself as well as the girls and A. Much love! Oh, and more pictures wouldn’t be minded. Just a thought.
One more thing…as you have found the orphanage schedule doesn’t necessarily work. I believe with both of my adoptions that all of us in the group were given bascially the same schedule that worked for maybe one of the 6 babies.
So chucking that out the window was a good thing!
Oh you are in my thoughts all day. Very impressive that you can find the time or energy to send an update. I have been reading for ages but finally had to comment. Sending lots of good wishes. It is great to read a real account of those first few days, not a “happily ever after” story. Although I am sure once L settles it will be.
Sounds about right. Doing good.
Oh, I really feel for you. Mimi was just like that. Eventually she got to the point where she could fall asleep in bed with one of us. We were never able to work out a successful transfer. Please be careful of your back and wrists. I have really hurt my wrists with all of the carrying. Remember-scoop with your arms! Try to use your forearms and consciously take the weight off your wrists.
Sounds like a good idea to throw the schedule out the window. Learning to understand L’s messages is really important to bonding too.
Thinking of you. Please know that it will get easier!!
Oy, I remember that back and arm pain oh-so-well. Can you get a few yoga stretches in when M. takes her? You are dazed and hazed–to be expected, but it does get better. The orphanage schedule? Pffft. The schedule is there so that they can feed and put down the kids at all once, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to keep up with all the kids. Some babies adapt the schedule and keep it, most don’t. Our dotter didn’t scream or cry, just kept staring…but she clutched with fingers of steel if you tried to let her go. You’re doing good.
I don’t think I can add anything more. Feel your pain though.
smart kid :0) knows a good thing when she sees it. Who doesn’t want to be held 12 hours a day? Things will be better when you are in your own space.
I am so excited that your are updating while you are there!
At least you know you are not alone — you could be describing the first week with our Jayden. I had to carry her, could not sit, and we never slept. And she was no lightweight either — 20lbs at 10 mos. In fact it took 6 months for us to figure out the sleep. But we got there. ALSO – in addition to using your arms, bend with your knees — don’t lean over to pick up or put down. My back has never been the same! Good luck. All healthy and it sounds like you are doing everything right — including knowing when you need a break!
DS-L
Oh lord that sounds like Madison when she was small. My heart goes out to you!!!!
Thank you for updating us! Many of us have been down this same tired frustrating road and have been wondering about you. Yes, all of this brings back not-so-fond feelings and memories – please know that we all are pulling for you.
Hang in there, and I’m so glad you knew your cues to bring in backup. I know I missed it all on my second day, and totally fell apart at the seams. Thinking good thoughts that things improve soon.
You guys sound like you doing great.
Really I mean that.
Isn’t it great to know enough to keep going?
The new schedule sounds good.
Hope you get a long, hot bath on your own, if that is what you want.
Whew! I am in pain just reading this. And I sympathize with the window-chucking desire too. Hope you have plenty of advil. Here’s hoping things normalize as soon as reasonably possible. What a hard thing.
UGH! You must be exhausted! And I applaud you for only getting to the window-tossing so late in the evening. Note to self – start working out those arms now.
I think you are being v. wise in letting the baby be your guide. Hopefully, she will enjoy being with you instead of your toting her around all the time!
Much happiness and blessings to you and your family.
Sounds like you are doing everything right! You are so right that it is normal to WANT to chuck a kid out the window and even better when you can get another adult to walk in and take over.
HUGS
Wow. I’m glad Mr. A was able to get her to bed. Just think, some day you will be rested and in your own home, and this will all be a memory. I find that thought really helpful at times.
Vegetable and marrow baby food, huh? That sounds…pretty gross. Delurking to say that it sounds like you guys are weathering this beautifully…what a lucky baby L is. Hope all goes smoothly as you journey home.
You just described my 16 month old on our last two trips. He cannot, will not sleep for the first few nights when we are out of town unless we are walking him around. Only my husband has this knack to be able to get him to sleep on top of him. I am intimately aware of that special brand of Crazy that you just described. Hang in there.
No shame in knowing you need a break. ANYONE would after that amount of time with a screaming kid. I hope today is better, A.
Oh that’s exhausting! Hopefully things will keep getting easier . In the meantime keep those windows locked
Hey kid,
Hang in there – I remember these days so vividly, you made me tear up. We’ve been home 5 months now and it really is true what everyone says, it gets better. That first two days of 15 hours crying though – damn straight you want to throw anything and anyone out the window. You, A, and M are all rock stars (L too).
God, you poor thing. As I read this, it brought back so many memories of Brooklyn also refusing to sleep and not letting me put her down. I know how you feel all too well.
When you get back to the states and if it’s still like this, I will email you my phone number so you can call someone who has been through it.
I hope she will start to calm down some and your poor body can get some needed rest.
BTW, I have to compliment you on how long it took before the jumping thoughts came. It was only mid-afternoon on day 3 when I had them and I was in the hotel lobby with a blank stare, muttering to myself….questioning why the hell I signed up for this.
Good news is….it will get better.
lordy. take care of yourself. i’ll be wishing for better days ahead for your gang.
Hang in there! I hope you do get some rest, and at least get to the sitting-down-while-holding L stage soon.
You just described the day I had today – teething sucks.
Here’s hoping you and L both get the rest you need tout suite.
Any chance that another carrier might help? Baby Bjorn Active has a back support – I’m a weakling and this worked really well at that size. You can basically let go so it shifts everything to hips and back.
We were advised to sing to the baby a lot, anything soft and soothing in a soft voice. That helped too though my throat was sore from singing nonstop.
Actually it sounds as if she is attaching really well to have such strong feelings so soon – so in a sort of backwards way, really it is probably good……..
Oh wow. You poor things! I am thinking of you all and sending soothing thoughts. I teared up a little when you wrote about M being such a good sister right away.
So beautiful and touching! Yay, you finally have L! She looks almost as big, or bigger even, than S! Your poor arms. Try a mei tai – I love our mei tai. It distributes her weight, your arms get a break, and the best part is you get to smell her hair and look into her eyes b/c she’s right there against your heart. It gets better, I’m sure of it. Welcome!