Around the Corner
Today, we turned a corner.
L is willing to sit independently for short periods of time, if I am interacting with her. She did this multiple times today. She plays with ome toys. She smiles at M the most, but I got a few grins too. She even let me hold her up in the air and bring her down to my face without
trying to turn into a human-sized leach on my head. She actually giggled.
This is HUGE people. Just HUGE.
She also walked for about an hour with Mr. A without crying at ALL.
I woke up this morning, ready to carry L as long as she needs to be carried. I stopped hoping that she would start acting like the other babies in our group. I just opened myself to letting L be what she is.
Slowly, slowly, she is revealing herself.
This whole experience is funny. One person in our travel group mentioned that she still feels like there is a dichotomy between her kids back home and her new daughter here. This is not my experience. At least not so far. She feels like my daughter.
When we first met L, we went directly into emergency mode. Taking care of
L’s needs is a lot of work, but we just got down to the business of
getting it done.
This, of course, is not how I reacted when M was born. I spent a lot of mental energy bemoaning the loss of my old life and loathing the work of new-parenthood. With all that looking backwards, I couldn’t see the good parts of road ahead. Of course, I had never been around that corner either, so I didn’t know what the fabulous bits of parenting would be.
Maybe I am a cynic, but to me, parenting is about hard work 90% of the time. And that other 10% that is mind-blowingly good? It happens when you aren’t expecting it. So to get to the 10%, you have to get down to the business of the hard work.
Here we are, chin deep in hard work. Now that the physical pain has passed, I don’t mind holding L as much as she needs me to. (This isn’t to say I don’t get tired, but I am not resenting L for needing it.) It almost feels like we have always been here in this hotel with her in my arms.
Before we left for China, I would look at L’s pictures and wonder “Baby, who ARE you??” and she never answered me.
But now, I know.
I wonder how I could ever have not known her. Oh, sure, I learn more and more details every day, but holding her, touching her, smelling her and taking care of her, it feels like home and we feel like a family.
It is a nice feeling.
I sit here in tears. What wonderful words. You’ve turned the corner.
Today is Jada’s 4 year adoption anniversary. Thanks for letting me share in your journey and reliving that trip that seems like only yesterday…
Glad you all turned a corner.
I read this and think adopting from China would be so totally worth it, endless wait and all.
“I wonder how I could ever have not known her.” Ahh, that makes me smile and get teary-eyed. Glad you’ve reached that point.
The “bemoaning my old life” is something with first children, I think. People who adopt their first child get the guilt of feeling that, without realizing that lots and lots of first-time biological mothers feel that way, too. And learning that parenting is lots of hard work, not dazed drifting in soft-focus wonder all the time.
Wonderful!
I agree with Omom that first children get the “what about my old life ” where second children are more “How you add to our family!”
Happy to hear the corner has been turned. And you know I totally agree with the 90% hard work, 10% mind blowingly fabulous reward.
Feeling a wee bit teary and sappy hearing that you are getting to answer that question I know you were asking during the wait to travel of “who is this baby?” And so happy that L. feels like yours, and that M. gets the most smiles from L. M. deserves to be the adored, looked-up-to jie jie. She totally rocks and I am happy to hear that her mei mei already knows this.
I hope Al is feeling good (I am sure he is happy that L. is accepting him more) and that you two are giving L. everything she needs.
Stay well, and I will hold you to sending pictures once you hit Guangzhou. Lots and lots of pictures.
Love you all – sending lots of good juju.
Oh boy did that make me cry.
Making me cry at work…
I get it.
What you are saying.
Glad for you.
Damn, “I wonder how I could ever have not known her.”
I know exactly how that feels. You so made me cry.
I’m so glad things are going better for all of you. I hope the journey home goes smoothly.
This is BEAUTIFUL, particularly the part about knowing her now and the sentence list quoted above. I fully agree with the 90% work to 10% enjoyable things. I’m glad you feel like a family!
So good to read! I know it will just get better and better. I hope the rest of your trip is wonderful – enjoy it, but mostly enjoy L!
It’s good to hear things are progressing in a postive way. I know how you feel about always “knowing her”. Try to enjoy the tourist trap that is Shamian Island. Be sure and wander into the antique store (can’t remember what it’s called). It has some great things.
This is a really wonderful post. I love when you said “I stopped hoping that she would start acting like the other babies in our group. I just opened myself to letting L be what she is.
Slowly, slowly, she is revealing herself.”
I am sorry to say that after being a parent for 20 years I am still learning this about all three of my sons. Oy I am a slow learner.