Sleep deprivation does funny things to my head.
For example, today I was walking home from our obligatory get-outside-and-reset-our-circadian-rhythms walk when I started thinking about the Next Big Thing. Well, really thinking about our lack of a Next Big Thing. Getting L has been the resident Big Thing for years. Now that we have her, what will we do next? Since we have no plans for another kid any time soon (or maybe ever, we just don’t know yet), I am at a loss as to where to put my anticipatory energy.
Before 800 crackpots email me about getting L adjusted being important, I KNOW that. Duh. But it isn’t a Big Thing.
Also, I am having a bit of mild reverse culture shock (disappointment?). Even though it was a very very nice day, there was only one other person at the park. In China there were people everywhere, all the time, and I kind of miss that. I like people watching and it is boring as hell here in the suburbs. I also miss the funny workout equipment in the park on Shamian Island where all the old grandparents in the neighborhood worked out next to the little kids playing on the slides. Why don’t we have that here? (Lawsuits, that is why…I answer my own question.)
I am to tired to string together a coherent post, but here is a list of things I have been thinking of writing about when my brain comes back:
- The troubles M had traveling in China, what I would have done differently, why she is one of the best kids ever.
- Pumping: Ouch. Why I already want to quit pumping only 2 days into this damn breastfeeding thing.
- Thoughts about L and our visit to her finding spot/town. L’s names.
- What the hell does one do to entertain an almost one year old all day? I can’t remember. Also how much should she really be eating?
- Continued developmental assessments. L’s progress eating cheerios. Thoughts about her months in the orphanage.
- Exactly how much time am I supposed to be devoting to attachment promotion and working with L on her development? How do we get her to stop crying every time Mr. A looks at her.
A few more I remembered later:
- China. Whoa was it ever fucking different from what I remembered. How this led me to feel really freaking conflicted about adopting L. (And no, I am not adopting because I am a baby saver.)
- Why my children will never need to buy shoes again (Aka taking grandma and her traveler’s checks to adoption disneyland)
Welcome home!
I’m looking forward to hearing about ALL of those things.
I like busy public spaces myself. Although one benefit to quiet parks: easier to keep track of two kids.
Welcome home!
Wow, you are home! Hoorah! Yes. I think that adoption (and maybe pregnancy) is much like a wedding. Wedding – you plan for how long and then all of a sudden “it’s” over. Pregnancy, everyone is all worried about YOU for nine months, then you have a kid and they only care about the kid! I know exactly what you mean, and I am hoping I don;t go through the LOW that I know is possible….. re: the Next. Big. Thing.
Welcome home! I can relate to the lack of the Next Big Thing after coming home with my daughter. I thought “now what” quite a bit for the first few months home. Also, I couldn’t figure out how to entertain a one year old all day long.
Welcome home. I think about that Next Big Thing too and we don’t have our daughter home yet. And I am getting ready to go to Guatemala to live until the adoption is finished and I have no idea how to entertain a 7 month old all day! Share with us if you remember.
re: entertaining a one year old…two words which may lead to a sinking feeling in your stomach… directed play. Rely on M. Also put interesting toys around for her to discover. Can’t wait to hear from you guys.
Welcome Home!
We are waiting with bated breath to hear more about all of those things! Thank you so much for your honest commentary. I can’t tell you how sick I am of rainbows and ladybugs.
BTW, I can’t believe no one was outside! It was 47, sunny and windy here – it was GREAT! I made iced tea and went for a walk.
Take care,
Jennifer
P.S. Did Springing forward help or hurt with the jet lag?
Delurking. Welcome home. I always find the culture shock to be far worse coming home because I never expect to be so disoriented on my home turf.
Take care and thanks for blogging.
I’ve had pretty much all of these thoughts this week too (except the ones about M, of course). The public park thing is especially true.
I would really like to hear your thoughts regarding feeling conflicted now that you have seen how China has changed/ is changing. I am harboring similar thoughts as well.
Am going to be travelling in a couple of months (we are almost next) and very interested in all of your thoughts..and esp re M as we will be bringing our bio daughter of exactly the same age.
Good luck with getting some sleep!
Welcome home. I am glad you are all safe and sound. I can totally relate to the next big thing phenomena. I hope I can see you soon, but know that it may be a while. love.
So glad you’re home! And I can’t wait to hear everything.
I felt that reverse culture shock too. It was a let down to come home and not be in China. Everthing you said, not being around people, etc.
Hah! Remember me asking you what the hell I should do with Zorba when we came home? Remember? Oh my, you are bringing back the memories.
I can’t wait to hear everything you have to say as well.
I know what you are going to say about China though. I have heard that people don’t even want to come to America anymore because China is where it’s at.
I am very curious to hear more about how your thoughts on adoption are in flux. I have been struggling with this a lot in terms of my child’s losses, and it came up during the Transracial Adoption class I took last weekend (when the wait lengthened, I put off some of my state classes and am now playing catch up). One of the things that was in the powerpoint is not “saving a child” and J, who has lived a lot in SE Asia, wanted to know why that was so wrong. He mentioned (biochemist-Spock brain) that at some point she would realize the difference in her life. I said that I think the difference is that we want to be parents first and are motivated by humanitarian and ecological concerns to adopt rather than procreate, but we would never try to exploit that choice by telling our daughter that we did it for her (if I didn’t want to be a parent, I would send money for orphan relief). But it does worry me that many people don’t see this as a distinction. The trainer for the class, who has 17 children, 5 bio and 12 adopted from 5 countries, said that people frequently refer to her as “a saint”-which makes her crazy, as she is clear that she is as imperfect as the next person. But she still recognizes the opportunities that her kids from Liberia have through adoption. Life is complicated. ~lmc