L’s name
I keep trying to write bigger posts, but I don’t have the concentration, so I am just going to throw out a quickie.
I had posted before (though, I can’t find it now) that there was much debate about what to name L. Mr. A was adament that she have an “american” name, while I was insistant that we not take away any of the names that she came to us with.
Our solution?
New American Name (R) - Chinese given name (Q) - Chinese family name (Y) - Mr. A’s Family name
You will notice that none of those initials is an L. While I love the name R, we weren’t using it before we met the baby because she wasn’t ours to name yet. We were calling her Q when we called her anything at all.
Even calling her Q didn’t feel quite right. Given the 5 interactions we had with people (her international adoption doctor, the pharmacy, etc) we knew that “Q” would have been a colossal pain in the ass as a name. Even though we thought it was easy to pronounce, if somewhat difficult to spell for an American unfamiliar with pinyin, people were royally unable to manage it.
When we visited L’s orphanage the week before we met her, the nanny outside told us that they called her L. L is a diminuative of the name Q.
As soon as we here that they were calling her L, I thought “Oh! So that is why her names didn’t feel right! Her name is L!”
The day before we met her, I asked Mr. A what he thought about calling the baby L rather than R, at least until she got comfortable with our family.
“L is a great name.” he said. “I think we should just use that name.”
I was so relieved, because she already felt like an L to me. A few days after we met her, Mr. A (who had insisted, demanded even, that she have an “american” name) said, “I don’t know why we gave her a new name at all. She just seems like Q or L.”
I agreed completely.
Legally though, her name is RQY __. If she wants a less Chinese name when she gets older, she can choose R. If she wants a less cute Chinese name, she can choose Q. She can also hypenate her two family names or use her original one if she wants to. The girl has lots of options.
I am just glad we finally know who she is.
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Posted: March 12th, 2007 under Uncategorized, Adoption, Lovely Little L.
Comments: 12
Comments
Comment from Jen
Time: March 12, 2007, 6:53 pm
Hey, I’m impressed you’re writing posts at all. I think it took me a month to string more than two sentences together after we got home with Li.
Love what you’ve done about L’s name. And just happy to hear from you again!
Comment from Stacey
Time: March 12, 2007, 6:55 pm
Wow, isn’t it great you just knew the name was right when you heard what the nanny said…
I’m dying for the first MIL meeting….dying I tell you!
Comment from Susan
Time: March 12, 2007, 7:16 pm
I really appreciate that you are giving so much thought to this. Which is of course no surprise. And leaving plenty of room for her to make choices down the line. You rock.
Comment from Kari
Time: March 12, 2007, 8:35 pm
This is so interesting! We were going to do:
(american name)(chinese surname)(chinese 1st/2nd name)(our last name).
Now I don’t know if I should move the chinese surname after the chinese 1st/2nd? Hmmm…
We are planning on calling her by her 2nd name said twice (that is her nickname in China). 
Comment from Rhiannon Huang
Time: March 12, 2007, 9:46 pm
I think the name must fit her, it’s hard to name a baby before you see who they actually are.
Comment from Dirk
Time: March 12, 2007, 11:51 pm
The name thing was hard… we went with
(American name) (German name) (Chinese given name) for one and
(German name) (American name) (Chinese given name) for the other.
The two “second names” are their grandmothers’ names
(of course, I am naively open on my blog, so you can see all the full names there in all their beauty)
Comment from lisa
Time: March 13, 2007, 3:40 am
The closer I get, the more uncertain I am about names. I have a handful that I suspect I will pick from when I meet her-so I love your story! Thanks for sharing.
Comment from margalit
Time: March 13, 2007, 3:41 am
I’m another one who just CANNOT wait for the first MIL meeting. I just know it’s going to be something that you can make into a book.
I have way too many names. I’ve got a Hebrew name, a Yiddish name, and an American name. Each of those are first and middle, but all have the same last name, a last name I ONLY use legally. I use my kid’s last name for pretty much everything. It’s quite confusing, but I’m clear as to who I am, and I”m sure L will be as well.
Comment from Meg
Time: March 13, 2007, 7:02 pm
if only they’d sit up and properly introduce themselves our jobs as moms would be so much easier!!!! glad you figured her name out- we think we have it down american name/american middle name/chinese middle name/our last name……but until we meet her we don’t know yet…….hopefully soon- glad you are all home safe and sound.
Meg
Comment from jenn
Time: March 14, 2007, 6:15 pm
Your quote “I don’t know why we gave her a new name at all. She just seems like Q or L.” made me laugh so hard. We went through the EXACT same thing with our son, Y. weeks of angst picking an american name and then 32 seconds after meeting him for the first time, realizing we were NEVER going to use it…well almost never–there’s always that thing where you are in big trouble and your mom calls you by all of your names…..
Legally, we have american name [C] chinese name [Y] and family last name. At home we call Y by his Chinese nickname [J] and always have. But at school, he is “Y”. He is never ever C although at one time [think he was about 5] he decided to change his name to “book” and requested that I tell all his teachers in Chinese and Swedish school.
We didn’t keep either of our kids’ Chinese names. At the time of the first adoption, we didn’t think it was important and we did think it was too complicated. At the time of the second adoption, we wanted them to be the same.
In retrospect, I’m not sure what we should have done. When I got married, I dropped my last name and took my husbands except for purposes of work because I wanted to keep work and home life separate. I kind of liken the dropping of the kids’ names to the same as my dropping. We did this legal manuver and became a family and all picked a single name. Maybe they will see it that way, maybe not.
Congrats on your resolution.
Pingback from American Family » A Quick Call
Time: November 5, 2007, 2:33 am
[…] “Uh, ” said MIL,”Why don’t you call L by her American name? R is a good name.” (Also, again she mispronounced R making it sound like a kind of cheese.) […]
Comment from Trope
Time: November 5, 2007, 3:11 am
Hey, I’m posting here because it’s more related to this comment. Do you and Mr. A share a last name? And is his last name noticeably ethnic (Chinese or otherwise?) I’m wondering if you have ever been challenged by someone because you and L may not look similar and don’t have matching names. (Or you and M, if it’s the case with her as well.) Just curious, as we have friends in a flat-out war over what the last name of their impending baby should be.
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