So it turns out that two kids is significantly more difficult than just one.
Yes, I knew this was coming, but honestly I had kind of blocked out the portion of my brain that remembers caring for a baby. It is both difficult and boring.
It has been years, but almost as soon as we got settled, I recognized the familiar feeling of the 4:00 Pain. You know, when you finally made it to 4:00 and then the dreaded realization that it will be another two hours before another adult will come home to save you? Yeah, that pain.
And to make it worse, every day around 5:00, things begin to unravel around here. Mr. A’s diagnosis is that it is making dinner that pushes things over the edge. I think he is right.
When I start to cook dinner, M immediately starts acting up. She whines or tantrums or complains that she is SOOOooo Hunnnngry. The baby (who is undoubtably hungry) starts to meep and demands that I carry her around. None of this chaos makes preparing dinner even the slightest bit enjoyable. It also seems to equal a barely-edible dinner that pleases no one. I think we are going to start ordering more take-out.
There is a real upside to the boredom and chaos. At least I know it is only temporary. The baby will get older, she will learn to walk and need less carrying. She will learn to talk and stop the crazy meeping that could mean she wants just about anything. M will settle down once she gets used to life with a sister. Eventually, she will even go off to kindergarten (thank the gods!). I know it will get easier.
I always tell people with a new baby that it gets easier after two weeks. Then even easier after 6 weeks. Three months in is almost bareable. By six months into the new baby, life becomes almost normal.
I am hoping that it is the same with adding a second child to the mix. If I get my sea-legs over the summer, next fall should be much easier, right?
“Crazy meeping”–that’s my new phrase of the day!
A few food thoughts: crock pot? A dinner that is prepped earlier in the day (veggies chopped, etc, so you only need to take 10-15min to throw it all together)? A favorite toy/video/distraction that comes out only during that time to make things easier (perhaps in combination with the mostly-prepared dinner)?
Good luck. It will definitely get easier as you develop routines and coping strategies!
Thanks for being so honest, you make me feel normal. 4:00 seems to be the bewitching hour around here too and I’ve only got one. I tend to plop her in the highchair with some yogurt and she’s occupied while I get ready for dinner. Oh, and when people told us that we would eat at home once we had a baby, they couldn’t have been more WRONG!
I agree with Bobbi Jo – we tend to do far more takeout now, than before we had a kid. Lately, it hasn’t been too painful – I give him a small pot with a few tablespoons of water and a spoon so that he can “cook”, too. However, I am quite realistic (nay, expectant!) in that this phase won’t last too long and he’ll soon be back to clinging at my knee. Sigh.
Ha! The 4:00 pain! That is great. I know EXACTLY what you mean. )
Oh yeah. Two are more work than one. Try twins next time…
I keep saying that the only reason people have second babies is that they forget how miserable they were the first time.
And of course the fact that besides being miserable it’s also amazing and wonderful. But I digress.
sounds like my house :0) I would sell my kids to the highest bidder if they show up at 4:30.
I started making dinner at 10am while the oldest one is at preschool. I make a lot of chinese/vietnamese food not out of consideration for the man its just easier. Throw rice into rice cooker.. etc.. I buy a lot of frozen wontons and noodles, I make bo kho (viet beef stew in the crock days in advance b/c it tastes better 2-3 days later) at least 1x a week, and usually some sort of pork can broil it in the broiler dish. LOVE lee kum kee flavor packets.. its the ultimate lazy cook sauce.
2 kids is like 100xs more work. My life didn’t change at all with 1 kid. 2 kids though we were definitely saying “whose idea was it to have another?”
Yes, it gets easier.
Assvice:
Dinner suggestions, prepare things earlier in the day. FOr example, brown the meat (if you eat that), measure the ingrediants, chop the veggies. That way you have less to do at 5 and it is easier to deal.
Trust me in that in time, things will level out and you will all find a new normal….
Oh, I know your pain. Why must they require all my one on one attention when I’m trying to cook dinner. I have good intentions to do a lot of prep work during their naps, but often I just plop on my butt and take my own nap! I think you are right in your timeline. It went about that way for me, I’m sure when you get some routines going, it will get better for all of you. Do you have one of those “Dinner’s REady” places nearby? You can get a weeks worth of meals frozen and just take out and heat. I’ve used them for D when I was unable to cook/work for him sometimes.
Heh, 4:00 is the witching hour at our house too. Occasionally I can stave it off with a 3:45 snack. Seems to work about half the time.
Second what everyone else said about getting prep out of the way early. I also cook big stews/ soups/ casseroles and we eat the same thing for a couple of days. That way, you can get out of the house for a little bit at the witching hour. I
At least I know that if you can survive this, so will I when it is my turn.
the slow cooker saved our lives. I make it in the morning during BB’s nap, and it’s always delicious. I usually make a double recipe and freeze half for a day when I can’t even manage the crockpot!
5:00 is tv time in our house. or sometimes i like to change things up a bit and turn on a video at 4. hey, whatever works. i remember the early days with greta, having to cook while carrying her… those days were brutal. you have my sympathies. on nice days i’m trying to just get outside b/c it makes that time of day that much easier. of course, dinner is shot then. it’s a trade off. we should meet up at the park sometime.
Lucky for me, 4 PM is “my” time lately. That’s when the baby takes her late afternoon nap and the 4-year old gets to watch “her” shows. Perhaps I’ll be back to work by the time the baby drops her late afternoon nap! WHenever I’m feeling overwhelmed/tired/bored/brain dead, I remind myself what someone with an older daughter once said to me: “Girls Rock!”
Oh, the 4:00 Pain. I remember that so well. And yes, caring for a baby is difficult and mind-numbingly boring at times.
I can relate sooooooooo well1 Only mine doesn’t get home until 10 pm!!
LSP also gets very cranky before dinner. I try to give her a nutritious “snack” around 5PM to tide her over. And then some days she just gets a YoBaby in all its organic sugary splendour, followed by a couple of Hershey’s Kisses. We’re slackers and rarely eat before 7:30PM anyway. We eat out a lot and we order in a lot and I cook a lot more sort of prepared food than I ever thought I would. My yoga teacher used to tell me that everyone starts to sag around 4PM. I find that’s when I tend to offer a video. I made my peace with the frozen food section at Trader Joe’s. As long as I cook a real dinner 2-3 times a week, I think I’m doing well.
I am so with you on this. Two little ones is a million times harder than one and 4:00 is a tough hour! I’ve spent the last two years thinking “It’s going to get better in a month or two… when they get a little older…” It does get better but it is an up hill climb. Then of course they’ll never be cuter or more kissable than they are right now…
I agree with Parodie – crockpot it. You can even buy decent frozen crockpot dinners now. Open the bag and throw it in and forget about it. I remember after my daughter was born, I’d put her to bed and assemble lazagna. Put it in the fridge and pop it in the oven the next day for dinner.
When I actually wanted to cook I had to put my daughter in one of those swing contraptions.
I have a LID of 3/14/06. Estimate is by Christmas we will be going to China. My daughter will be six. Sometimes I wonder if I’m up to starting it all over again….
My girl will be just 6 when we go to China this summer (we are Nov 7LID) and the difficulties of 1 vs 2 is exactly what I am dreading most. And the evenings..These tips are great..and any solutions you come up, do post!!
I too am going on faith that I know there is an end in sight.
Two is WAY more work — 3 put me over the parenting edge!
Kidding — but after 4:00 is certainly lunacy in my house too! My boys are older so we have books on tape. I pop them in while I cook and let the J meister wander the kitchen. Also we have LOTS of outdoor time from 3 until 4 or 4:30 so they are tired. It does get easier and easier. Then they hit 2!
DS-L
Number two is almost a year old … and I’m still waiting for the “easy.”
I don’t cook most nights.
In my house growing up, that time was referred to as “arsenic hour.”
It does, does, does get easier. Not for a while. But it does. As the oldest of 12 kids who spent my teenagehood as a stay-at-home-mom in many ways, the best antidote to crazy is socialization. Call people. Talk to grownups. Call someone who will say hi to M on the phone and then chat yourself while carrying the meeping baby around (how cute is “meep”?)
So this is all unsolicited advise from a snot-nosed 24 year old, so feel free to feel if I’m too big for my britches, but here’s one more thing. You know the phrase “a tired dog is a good dog”? It applies to toddlers and preschoolers. Is there something particularly physical you can get M interested in before this scary 4 o’clock time? A little rebounder for bouncing? Jumping on the bed? Racing her imaginary friend around the backyard? (do you have a backyard? I seem to remember a War of The Root or something but I might be hallucinating)
Are you “wearing” L? I know a good back-sling can work wonders for the never-ending carrying.
Also, can you stand to involve M in dinner-making? “Dump this, stir that, can you grab mommy the frying pan?” This is one way I dealt with whiny I AM HUUUUUUUUNGRY pre-schoolers. They feel important and they also have physical evidence in their own hands that dinner is coming. I am also a huge fan of the carrots and wheat thins trick. They aren’t very filling, but they can
1.) Be chewed on, satisfying the DEATHLY HUNGER of the minute
2.) Involve going in the mouth, which involves shutting up.
Which I am about to do. Shut up, I mean.
keep going, rockstar.