Comments on: Three Months with L http://american-family.org/2007/05/28/three-months-with-l/ Tue, 06 Jan 2009 21:02:32 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: American Family » two steps forward, one step back http://american-family.org/2007/05/28/three-months-with-l/comment-page-1/#comment-83152 American Family » two steps forward, one step back Wed, 28 May 2008 03:43:46 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/05/28/three-months-with-l/#comment-83152 [...] If I were reading this description on someone else’s blog, I would be thinking “attachment issues! attachment issues!”  I think that is probaby a fair assumption.  We have been dealing with L’s attachment and trauma issues since she first came into our family.  This isn’t even the first time that a change in the family routine or someone traveling led to acting out.  It just caught me off guard because L seems so much like a “normal” kid (i.e. kid who hasn’t been traumatized) so much of the time, I forget that sometimes she will react more intensely. [...] [...] If I were reading this description on someone else’s blog, I would be thinking “attachment issues! attachment issues!”  I think that is probaby a fair assumption.  We have been dealing with L’s attachment and trauma issues since she first came into our family.  This isn’t even the first time that a change in the family routine or someone traveling led to acting out.  It just caught me off guard because L seems so much like a “normal” kid (i.e. kid who hasn’t been traumatized) so much of the time, I forget that sometimes she will react more intensely. [...]

]]> By: American Family » This is Hard http://american-family.org/2007/05/28/three-months-with-l/comment-page-1/#comment-56353 American Family » This is Hard Thu, 11 Oct 2007 02:25:39 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/05/28/three-months-with-l/#comment-56353 [...] When we met L, I was pretty sure that her behavior indicated she was at high-risk for attachment issues*.   Her initial anxious attachment to me and rejection of Mr. A seemed like trauma response from being yanked away from her only home and people who had cared for her for so long.  I also suspect she was anxiously attached to someone or several people before we met her.  (You can read a little description of her attachment difficulties once we got home here). [...] [...] When we met L, I was pretty sure that her behavior indicated she was at high-risk for attachment issues*.   Her initial anxious attachment to me and rejection of Mr. A seemed like trauma response from being yanked away from her only home and people who had cared for her for so long.  I also suspect she was anxiously attached to someone or several people before we met her.  (You can read a little description of her attachment difficulties once we got home here). [...]

]]> By: katie http://american-family.org/2007/05/28/three-months-with-l/comment-page-1/#comment-45401 katie Fri, 08 Jun 2007 22:19:00 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/05/28/three-months-with-l/#comment-45401 Even children who've never been exposed to a tone language start out with the hypothesis that tone in words matters*. They will say things like ALL-gone with ALL on a high note, and never change the way they say it. After a while they realise that people around them use the same word with different tones, and they also become a bit more accepting of slightly different pronunciations of words. *I'm not a parent, but I do this stuff for a living. Even children who’ve never been exposed to a tone language start out with the hypothesis that tone in words matters*. They will say things like ALL-gone with ALL on a high note, and never change the way they say it. After a while they realise that people around them use the same word with different tones, and they also become a bit more accepting of slightly different pronunciations of words.

*I’m not a parent, but I do this stuff for a living.

]]> By: Christine Mitchell http://american-family.org/2007/05/28/three-months-with-l/comment-page-1/#comment-45003 Christine Mitchell Mon, 04 Jun 2007 15:46:18 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/05/28/three-months-with-l/#comment-45003 You've gotten some great advice above about the attachment issue. You are still so early in this process. We adopted our daughter at age four, but like the others have said, she attached to me first before my husband. But she did eventually attach to my husband and our older daughter. It is tough when they want you, and want to be held, all the time. You feel like just need some time to yourself without anyone touching you! Hang in there...it sounds like things are going well so far. I thought you might be interested in a book I wrote and illustrated for children, called Welcome Home, Forever Child: A Celebration of Children Adopted as Toddlers, Preschoolers, and Beyond. If you are interested, you can learn more at my website www.geocities.com/forever.child1. By the way, you might want to have your husband do some of the activities that promote attachment, like feeding her, playing Patty Cakes, and blowing bubbles (all promote eye contact). Good luck! Christine Mitchell forever.child@hotmail.com You’ve gotten some great advice above about the attachment issue. You are still so early in this process. We adopted our daughter at age four, but like the others have said, she attached to me first before my husband. But she did eventually attach to my husband and our older daughter. It is tough when they want you, and want to be held, all the time. You feel like just need some time to yourself without anyone touching you! Hang in there…it sounds like things are going well so far.

I thought you might be interested in a book I wrote and illustrated for children, called Welcome Home, Forever Child: A Celebration of Children Adopted as Toddlers, Preschoolers, and Beyond. If you are interested, you can learn more at my website http://www.geocities.com/forever.child1.

By the way, you might want to have your husband do some of the activities that promote attachment, like feeding her, playing Patty Cakes, and blowing bubbles (all promote eye contact). Good luck!

Christine Mitchell
forever.child@hotmail.com

]]> By: DS-L http://american-family.org/2007/05/28/three-months-with-l/comment-page-1/#comment-44558 DS-L Wed, 30 May 2007 00:10:57 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/05/28/three-months-with-l/#comment-44558 Totally agree with No Expert and Figlet about attaching to you first. When her attachment to you is rock solid, and it sounds like it is well on her way, she will be able to branch out and attach to Mr. A and to M. I would say it took Jayden 6 months (about as long as it took her to sleep well) to move on to attaching to my hubby. And yes, I KNOW it is exhausting to have her so needy now. But it will pay off HUGE. People say to me all the time that they have never seen such a comfortable, self-assured and happy nearly 3 year old. And we are two weeks away from our 2 year anniversary! DS-L Totally agree with No Expert and Figlet about attaching to you first. When her attachment to you is rock solid, and it sounds like it is well on her way, she will be able to branch out and attach to Mr. A and to M. I would say it took Jayden 6 months (about as long as it took her to sleep well) to move on to attaching to my hubby. And yes, I KNOW it is exhausting to have her so needy now. But it will pay off HUGE. People say to me all the time that they have never seen such a comfortable, self-assured and happy nearly 3 year old. And we are two weeks away from our 2 year anniversary!
DS-L

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