Comments on: Thinking http://american-family.org/2007/09/03/thinking/ Wed, 23 May 2012 13:16:11 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jim Rittenhouse http://american-family.org/2007/09/03/thinking/comment-page-1/#comment-55516 Jim Rittenhouse Thu, 27 Sep 2007 17:43:47 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/03/thinking/#comment-55516 As someone who had a found-sibling situation drop on him from the heavens (my adopted daughter was separated from her twin sister in China) and is well acquainted with others in the same situation, I try to discourage people from looking out of curiosity, but encourage people who have run into this by accident to follow up on it. The twins are absolutely nuts about each other and have a classic twin bond - but the separations (we try to get them together about once every 4 months or so at least) are terrible for the kids. They have gotten a lot out of their relationship - but it's hard (very) for them to be apart. As someone who had a found-sibling situation drop on him from the heavens (my adopted daughter was separated from her twin sister in China) and is well acquainted with others in the same situation, I try to discourage people from looking out of curiosity, but encourage people who have run into this by accident to follow up on it.

The twins are absolutely nuts about each other and have a classic twin bond – but the separations (we try to get them together about once every 4 months or so at least) are terrible for the kids. They have gotten a lot out of their relationship – but it’s hard (very) for them to be apart.

]]> By: What do you all think? | this woman’s work http://american-family.org/2007/09/03/thinking/comment-page-1/#comment-55057 What do you all think? | this woman’s work Sun, 23 Sep 2007 19:22:43 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/03/thinking/#comment-55057 [...] AmFam has been talking about searching for L’s information/family and in that case doing nothing could be impeding L’s future options — there could be harm in doing nothing. (I don’t know — I trust AmFam on this one but I’ll say right now that I don’t know enough about Chinese adoption to speak intelligently about it.) Because China is growing so quickly, the information they could get now may not be there by the time L is old enough to want to search. If I were AmFam, I hope I’d be brave and savvy enough to do what they’re doing. [...] [...] AmFam has been talking about searching for L’s information/family and in that case doing nothing could be impeding L’s future options — there could be harm in doing nothing. (I don’t know — I trust AmFam on this one but I’ll say right now that I don’t know enough about Chinese adoption to speak intelligently about it.) Because China is growing so quickly, the information they could get now may not be there by the time L is old enough to want to search. If I were AmFam, I hope I’d be brave and savvy enough to do what they’re doing. [...]

]]> By: egypt4 http://american-family.org/2007/09/03/thinking/comment-page-1/#comment-53348 egypt4 Tue, 04 Sep 2007 15:25:51 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/03/thinking/#comment-53348 By the way, why is searching a taboo within the Chinese adoption community? I could guess but I'd rather hear your thoughts. By the way, why is searching a taboo within the Chinese adoption community? I could guess but I’d rather hear your thoughts.

]]> By: Amanda http://american-family.org/2007/09/03/thinking/comment-page-1/#comment-53341 Amanda Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:52:36 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/03/thinking/#comment-53341 I have posted about this issue (as you know...you were kind enough to comment back then)...and can honestly say that I think I have searched, gathered, and put forth an effort that will help S in any search that she may choose to embark on. I sent packages and letters (along with pics and steady emails ) to her SWI (she was not in foster care). I know that searching is a touchy subject (bringing it up with my travel group on our private site was the only time that I felt uncomfortable there)...but I know enough about my daughter that I believe she would want to me to do what I am doing. The info is hers to use as she pleases. As always, a thought provoking and strong post. Thanks. I have posted about this issue (as you know…you were kind enough to comment back then)…and can honestly say that I think I have searched, gathered, and put forth an effort that will help S in any search that she may choose to embark on. I sent packages and letters (along with pics and steady emails ) to her SWI (she was not in foster care).

I know that searching is a touchy subject (bringing it up with my travel group on our private site was the only time that I felt uncomfortable there)…but I know enough about my daughter that I believe she would want to me to do what I am doing. The info is hers to use as she pleases.

As always, a thought provoking and strong post. Thanks.

]]> By: egypt4 http://american-family.org/2007/09/03/thinking/comment-page-1/#comment-53340 egypt4 Tue, 04 Sep 2007 13:51:03 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/03/thinking/#comment-53340 We adopted my first son a year ago (from Ethiopia), and I am so glad we did a family search. First off, the people we found are sick, and next, even now, a year later, they have moved and we might not have found them if we had waited. We got so many more details on my son's background, precious information, really. We also got some photos, including one of him as a baby! (A photo of a photo, but you know what I mean, and it told me that these people were the real deal.) With our second adoption, I was able to meet these folks in person during the adoption. For both boys, we got accurate birthdates (we couldn't change them legally, but it's wonderful to know). And we're planning a trip soon there with the hope we might be able to visit people. I say go for it. Don't wait. I thought the same thing as you: what would my son think as an adult if he knew we could have searched but didn't? Even if you do nothing with the information except put it aside til your daughter can look at it herself, she'll value it completely. We adopted my first son a year ago (from Ethiopia), and I am so glad we did a family search. First off, the people we found are sick, and next, even now, a year later, they have moved and we might not have found them if we had waited. We got so many more details on my son’s background, precious information, really. We also got some photos, including one of him as a baby! (A photo of a photo, but you know what I mean, and it told me that these people were the real deal.)

With our second adoption, I was able to meet these folks in person during the adoption.

For both boys, we got accurate birthdates (we couldn’t change them legally, but it’s wonderful to know). And we’re planning a trip soon there with the hope we might be able to visit people.

I say go for it. Don’t wait. I thought the same thing as you: what would my son think as an adult if he knew we could have searched but didn’t? Even if you do nothing with the information except put it aside til your daughter can look at it herself, she’ll value it completely.

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