Comments on: Thinking some more http://american-family.org/2007/09/04/thinking-some-more/ Wed, 23 May 2012 13:16:11 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: What do you all think? | this woman’s work http://american-family.org/2007/09/04/thinking-some-more/comment-page-1/#comment-55962 What do you all think? | this woman’s work Fri, 05 Oct 2007 02:54:41 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/04/thinking-some-more/#comment-55962 [...] AmFam has been talking about searching for L’s information/family and in that case doing nothing could be impeding L’s future options — there could be harm in doing nothing. (I don’t know — I trust AmFam on this one but I’ll say right now that I don’t know enough about Chinese adoption to speak intelligently about it.) Because China is growing so quickly, the information they could get now may not be there by the time L is old enough to want to search. If I were AmFam, I hope I’d be brave and savvy enough to do what they’re doing. [...] [...] AmFam has been talking about searching for L’s information/family and in that case doing nothing could be impeding L’s future options — there could be harm in doing nothing. (I don’t know — I trust AmFam on this one but I’ll say right now that I don’t know enough about Chinese adoption to speak intelligently about it.) Because China is growing so quickly, the information they could get now may not be there by the time L is old enough to want to search. If I were AmFam, I hope I’d be brave and savvy enough to do what they’re doing. [...]

]]> By: Memnison Journal » Needle, meet haystack: http://american-family.org/2007/09/04/thinking-some-more/comment-page-1/#comment-55472 Memnison Journal » Needle, meet haystack: Thu, 27 Sep 2007 07:45:22 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/04/thinking-some-more/#comment-55472 [...] I got this comment on the LJ branch of the site yesterday: I just ran across this blog entry and I was wondering (although it’s none of my business, of course) whether you guys have given any thought to searching for Meredith’s birth family, or if you’re going to let the girls decide when they’re older whether or not they want to pursue a search. Since they’re so thrilled with each other, knowing they might have another sister and/or brother still in China must be somewhat heart-wrenching. I have no idea what I would do in that situation - I was considering adopting from China before I had my daughter, and I’ll admit that the thought that I wouldn’t have the birthparents breathing down my neck seemed to me to be a plus. Now I’m not so sure… I don’t turn off anonymous commenting, because there are people in the world who read this journal and don’t belong to LJ or whatever, and would like to say hello. I do screen the anonymous messages; the only ones that show up are the ones that are OK. This one comes from someone in the Nashville area using Comcast, for what it’s worth. OK, here’s the answer, after the cut, in detail: [...] [...] I got this comment on the LJ branch of the site yesterday: I just ran across this blog entry and I was wondering (although it’s none of my business, of course) whether you guys have given any thought to searching for Meredith’s birth family, or if you’re going to let the girls decide when they’re older whether or not they want to pursue a search. Since they’re so thrilled with each other, knowing they might have another sister and/or brother still in China must be somewhat heart-wrenching. I have no idea what I would do in that situation – I was considering adopting from China before I had my daughter, and I’ll admit that the thought that I wouldn’t have the birthparents breathing down my neck seemed to me to be a plus. Now I’m not so sure… I don’t turn off anonymous commenting, because there are people in the world who read this journal and don’t belong to LJ or whatever, and would like to say hello. I do screen the anonymous messages; the only ones that show up are the ones that are OK. This one comes from someone in the Nashville area using Comcast, for what it’s worth. OK, here’s the answer, after the cut, in detail: [...]

]]> By: Margie http://american-family.org/2007/09/04/thinking-some-more/comment-page-1/#comment-55179 Margie Mon, 24 Sep 2007 17:51:13 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/04/thinking-some-more/#comment-55179 The conversation on Dawn's today brought me to this post and the previous one. And I have to say that although my kids are at the other end of the age spectrum, in their mid and late teens (16 and 18), I'm still asking the very same questions. Because I've acknowledged I need to step away from actually DOING anything anymore, I don't do any more than that. It's very interesting to me to learn that the prevailing attitude in the China adoption adoptive parent community is to not try to find more information or to search. When we adopted in 1989 and 1991, this was the prevailing attitude in Korean adoption as well. This is just opinion, but I think the fact that Korean adoptees reached critical mass, started searching, and talked about it kind of woke many adoptive parents up to the possibility of more openness. I wonder if this might also happen in the China adoption community. The conversation on Dawn’s today brought me to this post and the previous one. And I have to say that although my kids are at the other end of the age spectrum, in their mid and late teens (16 and 18), I’m still asking the very same questions. Because I’ve acknowledged I need to step away from actually DOING anything anymore, I don’t do any more than that.

It’s very interesting to me to learn that the prevailing attitude in the China adoption adoptive parent community is to not try to find more information or to search. When we adopted in 1989 and 1991, this was the prevailing attitude in Korean adoption as well. This is just opinion, but I think the fact that Korean adoptees reached critical mass, started searching, and talked about it kind of woke many adoptive parents up to the possibility of more openness. I wonder if this might also happen in the China adoption community.

]]> By: Tinler http://american-family.org/2007/09/04/thinking-some-more/comment-page-1/#comment-53461 Tinler Wed, 05 Sep 2007 19:14:36 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/04/thinking-some-more/#comment-53461 Many, many adult adoptees feel that adoptive parents should not undertake a birthparent search under any circumstance because you are taking a choice away from the adoptee, who has had absolutely zero choices with regard to adoption. Tready carefully before making a final decision. Many, many adult adoptees feel that adoptive parents should not undertake a birthparent search under any circumstance because you are taking a choice away from the adoptee, who has had absolutely zero choices with regard to adoption. Tready carefully before making a final decision.

]]> By: shannon http://american-family.org/2007/09/04/thinking-some-more/comment-page-1/#comment-53448 shannon Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:50:22 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/04/thinking-some-more/#comment-53448 "There seems to be thousands of families looking for siblings on those sib-find lists, but no one is looking for birth families? To me, that raises an interesting question about why adoptive parents would view a relationship with a bio-sibling to be so desirable, but birth parent contact to be out of the question." Wow. At the risk of offending your China-adoption readers, I'll just say it: I suppose it is much easier for white middle-class westerners to feel comfortable making connections with other white middle-class westerners who might be raising their kid's sibling than with an actual MOTHER who is not white, nor middle-class, nor western, eh? Falls right in with the anedotes about not wanting birth parents in the picture. I will be watching this unfold for your family with great interest and if I come across anything I will certainly pass it on. I'll be at an adoption conference (with Dawn!) next month and I'll keep an ear out for you. “There seems to be thousands of families looking for siblings on those sib-find lists, but no one is looking for birth families? To me, that raises an interesting question about why adoptive parents would view a relationship with a bio-sibling to be so desirable, but birth parent contact to be out of the question.”

Wow.

At the risk of offending your China-adoption readers, I’ll just say it: I suppose it is much easier for white middle-class westerners to feel comfortable making connections with other white middle-class westerners who might be raising their kid’s sibling than with an actual MOTHER who is not white, nor middle-class, nor western, eh? Falls right in with the anedotes about not wanting birth parents in the picture.

I will be watching this unfold for your family with great interest and if I come across anything I will certainly pass it on. I’ll be at an adoption conference (with Dawn!) next month and I’ll keep an ear out for you.

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