Comments on: Think Think Think http://american-family.org/2007/09/05/think-think-think/ Wed, 23 May 2012 13:16:11 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Wandering Chopsticks http://american-family.org/2007/09/05/think-think-think/comment-page-1/#comment-53959 Wandering Chopsticks Tue, 11 Sep 2007 03:32:47 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/05/think-think-think/#comment-53959 This sounds a bit trite, but I think it's great that you're actually thinking all these things. Too many parents who adopt are of the mindset that they're doing the children a favor and don't think about what they're removing the kids from. But sometimes, the reality of being a girl child is pretty horrifying. Saw this article today and thought you might be interested. http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-needles11sep11,0,5389283,full.story?coll=la-home-center This sounds a bit trite, but I think it’s great that you’re actually thinking all these things. Too many parents who adopt are of the mindset that they’re doing the children a favor and don’t think about what they’re removing the kids from.

But sometimes, the reality of being a girl child is pretty horrifying. Saw this article today and thought you might be interested.
http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-needles11sep11,0,5389283,full.story?coll=la-home-center

]]> By: mer http://american-family.org/2007/09/05/think-think-think/comment-page-1/#comment-53781 mer Sun, 09 Sep 2007 03:23:20 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/05/think-think-think/#comment-53781 just saw this and thought of you.... http://www.thenewhomemaker.com/houskeepers-for-homemakers I love the name of the book they mention: A Housekeeper Is Cheaper Than a Divorce: Why You Can Afford to Hire Help and How just saw this and thought of you….
http://www.thenewhomemaker.com/houskeepers-for-homemakers

I love the name of the book they mention: A Housekeeper Is Cheaper Than a Divorce: Why You Can Afford to Hire Help and How

]]> By: JustEnjoyHim/Judy http://american-family.org/2007/09/05/think-think-think/comment-page-1/#comment-53766 JustEnjoyHim/Judy Sat, 08 Sep 2007 23:50:00 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/05/think-think-think/#comment-53766 Oh yes, the Yahoo group is: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BirthParentContact/ Oh yes, the Yahoo group is:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BirthParentContact/

]]> By: JustEnjoyHim/Judy http://american-family.org/2007/09/05/think-think-think/comment-page-1/#comment-53765 JustEnjoyHim/Judy Sat, 08 Sep 2007 23:48:39 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/05/think-think-think/#comment-53765 Hiya, Dawn suggested I come here and read often. :) I am probably jumping into this conversation mid-stream, but let me say this at the very least. One of the things that bothers me about the adoption community is the tendency, if not eagerness, to jump to the absolute worst conclusion about peoples' motivations. Yes, some people did and do choose international adoption because they don't have to deal with birthparents. But not all choose international adoption for that reason, my husband and myself included. However, our reasons are personal, partly to do with us being older adoptive parents and quite frankly, having a better chance at adopting internationally. Still selfish reasons to adopt internationally, but not to escape the "evil birthparents." We are, in fact, considering searching for our son's birthmother and there is a Yahoo Group devoted to people who are considering, are in the process of, or have contacted their children's birthparents -- these are all international adoptive families. There are now 1025 members in this group. Our situation is complicated and not something I'll go into online, but it's not as straightforward a decision as it might seem. The thing is, when someone makes assumptions about adoptions and motivations for different types of adoptions, unless the adoptive parents have specifically said, you just don't know. And even if they have said, some of us don't tell the whole story because part of the story is private or part of it is our children's story or their birthparents' story. Hiya, Dawn suggested I come here and read often. :)

I am probably jumping into this conversation mid-stream, but let me say this at the very least. One of the things that bothers me about the adoption community is the tendency, if not eagerness, to jump to the absolute worst conclusion about peoples’ motivations. Yes, some people did and do choose international adoption because they don’t have to deal with birthparents. But not all choose international adoption for that reason, my husband and myself included. However, our reasons are personal, partly to do with us being older adoptive parents and quite frankly, having a better chance at adopting internationally. Still selfish reasons to adopt internationally, but not to escape the “evil birthparents.”

We are, in fact, considering searching for our son’s birthmother and there is a Yahoo Group devoted to people who are considering, are in the process of, or have contacted their children’s birthparents — these are all international adoptive families. There are now 1025 members in this group.

Our situation is complicated and not something I’ll go into online, but it’s not as straightforward a decision as it might seem.

The thing is, when someone makes assumptions about adoptions and motivations for different types of adoptions, unless the adoptive parents have specifically said, you just don’t know. And even if they have said, some of us don’t tell the whole story because part of the story is private or part of it is our children’s story or their birthparents’ story.

]]> By: shari http://american-family.org/2007/09/05/think-think-think/comment-page-1/#comment-53670 shari Fri, 07 Sep 2007 21:56:59 +0000 http://american-family.org/2007/09/05/think-think-think/#comment-53670 Shannon, thanks for the clarification on your use of capitals for the word mother. I guess I wasn't really questioning your comment, musing is probably a better word for it. Perhaps my hackles were up a little bit since we were talking about Chinese adoptive parents where it is particularly difficult, if not impossible to have any kind of communication with the birth family. It might be a little weird that some people are over the top trying to find bio siblings for their children, but want no mention of bio parents. Maybe that was your point in the first place...did I just miss it entirely? I do agree with you that the number of people who don't want contact should be noted. I wonder if statistically, Chinese adoptive parents are less likely to want contact than other adoptive parents. If that's true, is it just because we enter into the adoption knowing full well that most likely we won't ever have the opportunity to establish contact? I understand what you're saying about the gulf of privilege between adoptive parents and birth parents. Maybe this is a little sensitive for me (and other Chinese adopters) because one day our little girls have to come to terms with the fact that they were abandoned. As adults we have a better understanding of the Chinese abandonment process, but how in the world do you explain that to your child? It would make a much nicer picture if mommy went to the hospital and picked up her baby all swaddled in pink. In NO WAY am I trying to say an open adoption is a rosy picture, either.....I know it comes with it's own set of circumstances, which I'm sure can be overwhelmingly difficult at times. I will say this, though, the one thing that I've noticed among some Chinese adopters is the refusal to refer to the bio mom as "mom" or "mommy" and the insistence of calling her "the tummy lady" or such. I just do not understand that. And with that I've just taken up too much space on this subject! Thanks for engaging us on this topic. Shannon, thanks for the clarification on your use of capitals for the word mother. I guess I wasn’t really questioning your comment, musing is probably a better word for it. Perhaps my hackles were up a little bit since we were talking about Chinese adoptive parents where it is particularly difficult, if not impossible to have any kind of communication with the birth family. It might be a little weird that some people are over the top trying to find bio siblings for their children, but want no mention of bio parents. Maybe that was your point in the first place…did I just miss it entirely? I do agree with you that the number of people who don’t want contact should be noted. I wonder if statistically, Chinese adoptive parents are less likely to want contact than other adoptive parents. If that’s true, is it just because we enter into the adoption knowing full well that most likely we won’t ever have the opportunity to establish contact? I understand what you’re saying about the gulf of privilege between adoptive parents and birth parents. Maybe this is a little sensitive for me (and other Chinese adopters) because one day our little girls have to come to terms with the fact that they were abandoned. As adults we have a better understanding of the Chinese abandonment process, but how in the world do you explain that to your child? It would make a much nicer picture if mommy went to the hospital and picked up her baby all swaddled in pink. In NO WAY am I trying to say an open adoption is a rosy picture, either…..I know it comes with it’s own set of circumstances, which I’m sure can be overwhelmingly difficult at times. I will say this, though, the one thing that I’ve noticed among some Chinese adopters is the refusal to refer to the bio mom as “mom” or “mommy” and the insistence of calling her “the tummy lady” or such. I just do not understand that. And with that I’ve just taken up too much space on this subject! Thanks for engaging us on this topic.

]]>