Since we adopted L and the shock of baby jail passed, life has been good. We have a lovely white pickett fence life. We live in the suburbs. We have pretty much every thing we want or need. We live near our extended families, who happen to love our girls and give us time off when we need it. We have a nice circle of friend whose families have a lot in common with ours. We love the little community where we live and the bigger city offers pretty much every thing our hearts desire (especially now that we have a good Banh Mi restaurant).
So here we are, living the American Dream.
Despite our overwelming contentment, in the past year, both Mr. A and I have spent a lot of time looking around and saying “Is this it? Is this interesting enough? Will we be living this same thing every day for the rest of our lives?”
It isn’t that it is a BAD life. Really, it is a charmed life. But when we look into our future, another 35 years* of living the same thing day in and day out frightens both of us.
Despite the general contentment, something has still been missing. I have made no secret about my need for something interesting to look forward too. I had a some potentially exciting prospects: Earlier in the year, there was a teeny, tiny chance that we could get sent to China for Mr. A’s job which led to a flurry of hoping and research. Then, when that fell through, Mr. A and I decided that we wanted to go take a year off and live in China anyway** which led to a lot of excitement and planning. At best these plans were an attempt to distract us from our fears and to buy us some space to figure out what we really want to do.
Despite my excitement about China, it is starting to look like we need to figure out things here first.
I started to see the real problem when we went to Mr. A’s work Christmas party this year. It is a long story (and not at all interesting) but when we walked out of there, I was convinced he is going to change jobs sooner than our trip to China. Some other things happened recently, which have made me even more convinced that Mr. A is a bad fit for his current job.
It isn’t that he works at a bad company, or that Mr. A isn’t great at what he does (really, he is.). It is just becoming increasingly apparent that Mr. A is never going to achieve his full work-potential at his current job because of the bad fit. A huge part of Mr. A’s self-satisfaction comes from being a impressive achiever, so we see that this is going to be a bit of a problem.
So after a lot of discussion, Mr. A and I have decided to put a variety of options on the table, most of which could change Mr. A’s entire career trajectory.*** The most surprising option I have agreed to is the possibility of moving to another city**** for a period of time, fully acknowledging that we can’t know how long it would be or if we would ever come back. There are other options closer to home, too.
I know this probably makes for some pretty boring reading, but it is a big shake-up around here. When we moved home, we planned on moving for good or at the very least while our kids are young. We are standing at a big fork in the road and I have no idea which way we will turn.
In a way, I am scared of both options. I am scared that we will be trapped living the same life forever. On the other hand, I am afraid that if things change, we will be leaving behind the best life we have ever had.
There are no easy answers, we just have to figure it out and hope for the best.
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*35 years is how long Mr. A expects to work before he has accumulated what he deems an adequate amount of retirements savings. He revises that to maybe 32.5 years if I work full-time at my maximum earning capacity every year between now and then. heh.
**That was the Next Big Thing, which a number of you guessed anyway. We were planning to go in Fall of 2009 and Mr. A was going to ask for a leave of absence from work and return to the same company when we got back.
***The China trip is now on the back burner. Part of my need to go for such a long period of time and so quickly was the looming possiblity that Mr. A could be trapped at his current job where he can not get more than 2 weeks off at a stretch at any point in the next 35 years. Travel is a huge priority of mine, so I found that possibilty to seriously restrictive. If Mr. A is going on a different career path, we will have the option of scheduling extended trips before he starts a new position at a new company every few years. Despite my previous excitement, I am not at all upset about tabling that trip for now.
****I have full veto power on the locations and the only contenders at the moment are Chicago, Washington D.C. and the Bay Area. San Francisco has been on and off my list about 5 times in the past 24 hours because it is so far away from our family. DC is my lowest preference of the three. I guess that leaves Chicago at the top, but getting lost a thousand times certainly didn’t lead me to feelings of love for the windy city. Also, Chicago is kind of an ugly city: dirty and industrial.
holy crap, woman. that’s some big change.
Argh! Now I feel even worse about you getting lost when you visited here. I’m in love with Chicago; I moved here “for a year or two” when I was younger and never went back home. Yes, it’s got lots of warts (and no, it’s not the best place to be in January when the bleedin’ furnace is broken) but I give it a hearty thumbs-up for personality and child-friendly fun, as well as for location–it’s the biggest city close to our extended families.
If you do decide to move to Chicago, I can help you make sure you’re never lost. I know you likely have internet friends in DC and the Bay Area as well who would provide the same service. So the biggest excitement for you might be a different career path for Mr. A–is it possibly one that will lead to his working less than 80/hr weeks?
Wow! I was sort of right…..that’s amazing. I’ve lived in Philly and DC, Chicago was going to be my next big city. Until I met my guy. He changed my plans. Sadly, I’m 43 y/o and I’ve never even been to Chicago.
Best of luck to both of you as you make these huge decisions.
Traci
I know some folks who have moved to China for a year, teaching English; they’re having a blast.
Moving to the big city…ahhhh. San Francisco is a beautiful city, Washington DC is a beautiful city, and, yes, though you may not believe it, Chicago is a beautiful city. I grew up in Chicago and my heart is still there sometimes. You’ll have an inbuilt group of friends, which is nice, and they can show you the ins and outs of the city. And M and L will have the beach! Oh, the beach! I spent every summer at the beach, and loved loved loved it as a child. And there’s the zoo, and the conservatory, and the Field Museum, and the Museum of Science and Industry, and the Art Museum, and skating in Grant Park in the winter, and the hustle and bustle of the Loop and the Magnificent Mile…
Oh, my! Quite a change, yes, but all three of those cities are grand, and will be great fun for you, Mr. A, and the girls.
Dude, Chicago is building the tallest skyscraper in North America!..the Chicago Spire (www.thechicagospire.com) and it looks like a giant dildo.
Come on..this is exactly something you’d be into.
Oh boy can I relate! Except for the American Dream part.. we’ve never been there. But I know 100% what you mean about the Next Big Thing- I’m the same way. And V struggles with the same types of things that Mr. A does.
I wish you the best in your decision making and planning.
Just get a freakin job, already.
Good luck figuring out where you go from here… sounds a bit like DH and I 10 years ago…it’s a big leap of faith. Chicago is one of my very favourite cities, I think it’s quite beautiful overall…lots of wonderful architecture, the great lakeshore, etc… When we want a quick getaway, our city of choice used to be New York, now it’s most often Chicago – love it and lots to do with kids too.
Julie
I think you guys truly left your hearts in San Francisco. Just my 2-cents.
I vote for the Bay Area of course!!!!!!!!!!!
Do whatever is best for you, but Yeah! Bay Area!
The house across the street from me is for sale right now! Hee hee.
The “DC area” is expensive but, even for this veteran of Miami/South Florida, the most diverse community I’ve ever lived in. Even in my neck of the woods in Northern Virginia.
As for getting lost….with the beltway eventually you’ll get back to where you started…though you may take a detour to Maryland on the way back home from the airport….oh wait that was me.
Karyn
I swear to you that Chicago is one of the very best cities in the world. Live downtown and get rid of your car. It will transform your world. Good luck with everything! China will always be here.
I’m so excited for you! The winds of change are always exciting. Our plan (my husband and I love “plans”) is to move to San Diego this sumer. Our family and friends don’t know yet, which seems to make it even more exciting?? I can’t wait to get out of here.
All I hear about Chicago is that it’s fabulous. I’ve never been, but I’ve been to SF several times. I can’t imagine how you ever left such an exciting city. Well,,, I can, but then I can understand how you would long to move back.
I loveeeee chicagomama’s comment , but living in the Bay area all my life, I have to admit there are some pretty boringand dangreous parts of SF.
We’re waiting for you in Chicago with open arms! I’m sure you’d love Chicago once you really got to know it. Particularly in its warmer months, Chicago is amazing! And what would be better than raising our kids together, huh?!
I didn’t think that I would like the DC area when I first moved here 6 years ago, but it is a wonderfully diverse community. As a fellow lawyer, I can say that there are so many ways to be an impressive achiever here. The legal job market is massive and varied, and the salaries here are high (most firms pay the NY rates). So, Mr. A can retire in less than 35 years!
And, oh, most local folks leave town during the humid August weather, so maybe Mr. A might be able to take 3 weeks off instead of the two.
is it in the air? we are talking about “our next big thing” too….we usually move every three years- and we are due for a move but DH is here for 2-3 more years- so I need a plan……..looking forward to reading about yours…..maybe it will motivate me to figure ours out…..good luck.
Meg
It is in the air. I just said to J I wouldn’t die if I had to stay here for years but I’m a city girl at heart. I like your choices. They all have their pros and cons. Seems like SF would be best for you if you could make it work but Chicago and DC are pretty great as well.
Just two cents here – I LOVE Chicago. It is a great city with great restaraunts and a lot for kids to do. Also, I just went back to work 3 days a week. HAS MADE ME SO HAPPY! Love mommying, love also working. Finally, we also considered China for a year. Mostly for the kids to know and love and own the land and culture. It too fell through. Sigh. Good luck.
DS-L
I hear you… I have that “gotta move” itch too. We have been looking into working in Vietnam or Hong Kong. Vinh’s family still lives there and he speaks/reads/writes the languages so it is do-able for him. I really really want to go! but I think I will have to settle for moving to a cantonese-filled planned community suburb of Toronto. Its almost HK right? HK with big houses, big cars and one hour from the US.
I am voting for Chicago! Consider canada its a foreign country without all the struggle of moving abroad. I used to work for a legal/government tech company that employed lots of American and Canadian Lawyers.
Every city has its dirty industrial parts. Sounds like you got a good look at ours. For what it’s worth, Chicago’s got more than its fair share of breathtakingly beautiful spots too. Good luck with your choice. Sounds exciting. (For my pointless money, nothing beats Philly and Trenton for ugly cities.)
Um, Chicago is really great. No, really. And I heard you might be considering our little burb. I think there are a lot of great things about it that you’d like. And a Mandarin immersion preschool. And a great FCC chapter (ha ha- had to throw that in).
Wow, that’s an enormous decision. I’m wrestling with the possibility of a move overseas right now and I have nowhere near the degree of roots/connections you and your family have in your area; knowing how difficult it is for me to contemplate such a change when I have next to no roots in my current area, and then looking at the life you’ve built for yourself and your family . . . I can’t even begin to imagine what a monumental issue this must be for all of you.
I can’t even say much about any of the proposed relocation areas, having no personal experience with any of them! I do know I’ve heard some less-than-flattering things about the SF (public) school system but cannot reference them off the top of my head, so really, I feel ill equipped to weigh in with anything but utmost sympathy.
On a mostly unreleated topic . . . your reference to leaving the work party realising Mr A would have to change jobs really struck a chord for me. Can I just say that I love how, for want of a better word, protective you are of Mr A? You so very much have your family’s best interests at heart, and I wanted to tell you how often that comes through in all of your writing here– although I am sure it’s also what makes an already tough decision into a positively agonising one!
Good luck trying to figure out the next big thing and I might add DC is a really fun place to live. Very diverse, very liberal and very different from what people expect when they think of the it just in terms of its goverment and mouments.
Do I get a vote? Do I get two?
However many I get, they’re all for the Bay Area.
a GPS would fix the getting lost part at least.
I’m still unpacking boxes in the new house and I’m already daydreaming about our next move, which will hopefully be Germany or Korea.
Maybe I should just leave the boxes.
Are you sure you weren’t lost in the Chicago SUBURBS? Because Chicago itself is one giant grid and it’s not that easy to get lost. This is one advantage of burning down your entire city: you get a chance to rebuild it logically.
VERY exciting! Wow, that is a huge change! May I also suggest San Diego? VERY multicultural, fantastic weather, wonderful lifestyle?
It’s in the low 70s today. Just saying.
[...] Posted by boomerific on January 21, 2008 I don’t know if it’s the phase the moon is in or if it’s because the loosely connected bloggers on my reading list have more in common than they think, but they’ve been reading my mind: Abebech speaks here of what coming close to death even when she’s played it safe has taught her; American Family is feeling restless in her near-perfect suburban life; Kohana is about to embark on a trans-national leap with her family; witchtrivets is struggling with the incoherence of a fast external change and a slow internal one; and Dawn is busy living the fruits of working hard on the kind of dream most families never consider. [...]
Chicago and SF are awesome cities — but as an 18-year resident of DC, I have to tell you that it is an awesome place!
I know you don’t know me from adam, but let me know if you ever need the inside scoop on anything. (We live on Capitol Hill, which you would think was nothing but politicians and lawyers — but which actually turns out to be a very friendly, artsy, community-oriented place. We *love* it! Who knew?)