Comments on: thinking of another mother http://american-family.org/2008/03/31/thinking-of-another-mother/ Thu, 24 May 2012 00:31:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: cindy.psbm http://american-family.org/2008/03/31/thinking-of-another-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-96594 cindy.psbm Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:50:33 +0000 http://american-family.org/2008/03/31/thinking-of-another-mother/#comment-96594 As a birthmom myself I can tell you that for sure this chinese women thinks about your little girl everyday, not just her birthdate. The system of adoption in china is very unkind to birthmothers, mostly. The social pressure of family is like, do or die, seriously. A friend of mine told me this. Its good that you try and think about her(birthmom). I can promise you she is probably thinking of you, just hoping you love the little baby she gave birth too, thats the best thing you can do. Just love your little girl. As a birthmom myself I can tell you that for sure this chinese women thinks about your little girl everyday, not just her birthdate. The system of adoption in china is very unkind to birthmothers, mostly. The social pressure of family is like, do or die, seriously. A friend of mine told me this. Its good that you try and think about her(birthmom). I can promise you she is probably thinking of you, just hoping you love the little baby she gave birth too, thats the best thing you can do. Just love your little girl.

]]> By: Margie http://american-family.org/2008/03/31/thinking-of-another-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-77789 Margie Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:18:56 +0000 http://american-family.org/2008/03/31/thinking-of-another-mother/#comment-77789 I completely relate. Both of my kids' birthdays are this week - April 5th - and I find myself in a very strange emotional zone. I'm so happy for them, they are turning 19 and 17 and are incredible young people. But I fear that opportunities to find their Korean families are slipping away, and it breaks my heart. That, plus the fact that I really cannot be a part of their decision to search unless they invite me is very hard, because I've dreamed for so long that they would both find and meet and know their families. If it's this hard for me, it is so much harder for them. Thank you for putting your feelings in words, it helps knowing I'm not alone. I completely relate. Both of my kids’ birthdays are this week – April 5th – and I find myself in a very strange emotional zone. I’m so happy for them, they are turning 19 and 17 and are incredible young people. But I fear that opportunities to find their Korean families are slipping away, and it breaks my heart. That, plus the fact that I really cannot be a part of their decision to search unless they invite me is very hard, because I’ve dreamed for so long that they would both find and meet and know their families.

If it’s this hard for me, it is so much harder for them. Thank you for putting your feelings in words, it helps knowing I’m not alone.

]]> By: Anna http://american-family.org/2008/03/31/thinking-of-another-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-77776 Anna Wed, 02 Apr 2008 12:58:40 +0000 http://american-family.org/2008/03/31/thinking-of-another-mother/#comment-77776 My 5 yr old son is "worried" about his birth mother. He's been with us for almost 2 yrs (adopted from Ethiopia) and his mom gave him up for adoption as she couldn't care for him. He knows this and asked why his birthmother couldn't be adopted too by a new family. Last month he told me was sad because he missed his birthmother as she was always kind and nice to him and asked if we could adopt her into our family. When I told him that for now the judge only finds new families for children and not adults, he asked if we could visit her when he is big. it breaks my heart to see him sad and worried like this...he is very emotional lately and even his kindergarten teachers think that he is working through these emotions as he is very reactive emotionally if he is yelled at. My son was left at the children's home when he was about 2 1/2 - 3 years old and remembers being breastfed by his birthmother. He remembers the day he arrived to the family and told us in detail how he arrived, etc. I wish there was something else I could do to help him through - telling him his birthmother did this out of love for him doesn't seem to be enough. thanks for listening, Anna My 5 yr old son is “worried” about his birth mother. He’s been with us for almost 2 yrs (adopted from Ethiopia) and his mom gave him up for adoption as she couldn’t care for him. He knows this and asked why his birthmother couldn’t be adopted too by a new family.

Last month he told me was sad because he missed his birthmother as she was always kind and nice to him and asked if we could adopt her into our family. When I told him that for now the judge only finds new families for children and not adults, he asked if we could visit her when he is big.

it breaks my heart to see him sad and worried like this…he is very emotional lately and even his kindergarten teachers think that he is working through these emotions as he is very reactive emotionally if he is yelled at.

My son was left at the children’s home when he was about 2 1/2 – 3 years old and remembers being breastfed by his birthmother. He remembers the day he arrived to the family and told us in detail how he arrived, etc.

I wish there was something else I could do to help him through – telling him his birthmother did this out of love for him doesn’t seem to be enough.

thanks for listening,
Anna

]]> By: Dee http://american-family.org/2008/03/31/thinking-of-another-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-77721 Dee Wed, 02 Apr 2008 04:05:37 +0000 http://american-family.org/2008/03/31/thinking-of-another-mother/#comment-77721 The day after you posted this, I was weeping in my therapist's office over pictures of what we believe may be my daughter's finding location. DD recently turned 4 and I'm trying to write her effing lifebook. Argh. I just never understand those AP's who say they forget that their daughter is Chinese. Huh?? How can you forget? Every day as I look at my daughter's beautiful features and experience her infectious love of life, I think and wonder about the woman who carried and gave birth to her. My heart breaks over and over thinking about the unimaginable and horrific social pressures that caused someone, maybe my daughter's Chinese mother, to leave XXXX in the place where she was found (assuming she was, in fact, found and was not in some way procured by her orphanage). It's just such an effed up system, and yet without it I would not be XXXX's mother and you wouldn't be L's. Happy birthday, dear sweet L. I can't help but think that many if not most of our children's birthmoms think of them on these days. The day after you posted this, I was weeping in my therapist’s office over pictures of what we believe may be my daughter’s finding location. DD recently turned 4 and I’m trying to write her effing lifebook. Argh.

I just never understand those AP’s who say they forget that their daughter is Chinese. Huh?? How can you forget? Every day as I look at my daughter’s beautiful features and experience her infectious love of life, I think and wonder about the woman who carried and gave birth to her. My heart breaks over and over thinking about the unimaginable and horrific social pressures that caused someone, maybe my daughter’s Chinese mother, to leave XXXX in the place where she was found (assuming she was, in fact, found and was not in some way procured by her orphanage). It’s just such an effed up system, and yet without it I would not be XXXX’s mother and you wouldn’t be L’s. Happy birthday, dear sweet L. I can’t help but think that many if not most of our children’s birthmoms think of them on these days.

]]> By: Wendy O http://american-family.org/2008/03/31/thinking-of-another-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-77708 Wendy O Wed, 02 Apr 2008 02:17:04 +0000 http://american-family.org/2008/03/31/thinking-of-another-mother/#comment-77708 I am there with you right now. M is going to be four in two weeks and it is really hitting home with me. She came to our family at 25 months, last year I thought of her foster mother and really could not process her birthmother at that time. This year I think of her birthparents often, I talk with her foster mother through email and now phone so I am at peace with her loss, so is she. It has left me facing these same questions. It is interesting you post this today, I received information from her first orphanage just days ago and the translation this morning about that day almost four years ago. The information is informative and concrete, but also so telling. I feel for them more and more and since learning what I have my emotions have shifted drastically from the anger I used to harbor so close. I needed proof for me--maybe that is not PC, but it is the truth--that she was not carelessly disgarded and I received that peace. I only hope her birth parents have found their own. Thank you for sharing. I am there with you right now. M is going to be four in two weeks and it is really hitting home with me. She came to our family at 25 months, last year I thought of her foster mother and really could not process her birthmother at that time. This year I think of her birthparents often, I talk with her foster mother through email and now phone so I am at peace with her loss, so is she. It has left me facing these same questions. It is interesting you post this today, I received information from her first orphanage just days ago and the translation this morning about that day almost four years ago. The information is informative and concrete, but also so telling. I feel for them more and more and since learning what I have my emotions have shifted drastically from the anger I used to harbor so close. I needed proof for me–maybe that is not PC, but it is the truth–that she was not carelessly disgarded and I received that peace. I only hope her birth parents have found their own.

Thank you for sharing.

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