In case you are looking for it, this morning I found the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.
Last week, when Mr. A got his rejection, I was practically ecstatic. I also felt really guilty because I knew he was bummed, but I was thrilled for the girls and myself. Since he got the rejection, Mr. A has been a bit mopey. This is understandable, though a little annoying because it is sort of ruining the buzz of relief for me.
After the initial excitement of the reprieve wore off, I realized that this game is not over. We are still technically waiting until May 31st to withdraw Mr. A’s applications. It feels a bit like there is an ax hanging over my head. Every time the phone rings, I cringe because I am afraid it is Mr. A calling to say he has another interview in another city.
While many, many people in the world have lives more stressful than mine, the last couple months have been wearing me down. The constant wondering and worrying about having to move has worn my nerves quite thin. Also, all the late-night house repairs and related expenses haven’t exactly helped. This most recent anxiety may be worse than all the rest, because we are sooooo close to getting to go back to life as normal.
While there have been a few stress-induced blowups (from me) in the last month or two, we have mostly managed to avoid taking the stress out on each other. This morning, though, Mr. A managed to push me over the edge.
When he woke me up, he said “There is something I need to talk to you about.”
This is never a good sign. People don’t say that about good news.
Since it was 7:30 on a Monday morning, I knew he could not have received information about a job. I was still half asleep, but my brain was trying to figure out what bad thing could have happened between 11:00pm and 7:30.
“Last night, I scratched the table*.” Mr. A said, “I need you to come look at it.” Initially, I was relieved, because it could have been worse. And then I saw the table.
It has maybe 6 or 7 large scratches on the top. BIG scratches. OBVIOUS scratches. On my brand new dining room table. The table that had been such a hassle to order, pick up and assemble. The table I had waited 6 years to buy. The last piece of college furniture that we needed to replace. A table that was the perfect size for our small dining area, but also expands to seat 8 so we might actually be able to have dinner guests.
The table itself wasn’t that expensive. It was from an outlet (which is probably why it scratched so easily) and made of veneer. But because it is veneer, it most likely isn’t fixable in the ways you could fix scratched wood. And the chairs that match it were expensive and they don’t match many other tables at Crate and Barrel. Especially not tables that fit the space in our house.
I would like to say that I was rational and calm, but that would be a lie. I totally lost it when I saw all those scratches on the now-ruined table. All the stress of the past couple months came welling up. Then I yelled. And after the yelling, I started crying. And to be honest, then there was some more yelling. And even now, two hours later, I am still really upset.
It is such a stupid effing thing to make me so upset, and so small in the grand scheme of things. But here I am crying in my cheerios anyway.
*Mr. A claims the scratches were made by paperclips on work documents he had on the table last night.
You know, this is the exact kind of thing that would infuriate me too. I know it’s not rational because, after all, it was a mistake, but still. It makes sense that it would put you over the edge since you’ve been spending months getting the house ready for a move that you don’t want to make. I hope your day gets better.
I’m so sorry. I know how something like that can push someone over the edge (this coming from the person who cried over wallpaper last week)
don’t despair though. I have filled scratches in veneer before with those wood crayons they sell at the hardware store. not perfect, but if you can get the shading right, it will fix it enough that you won’t be reminded of it everytime you look at it.
Argh, I know how you feel. The other day, my husband was kicking a soccer ball against our (white) living room wall. When I asked him to stop, he rolled his eyes and said, “OK Mom.” I *almost* lost it, but took a deep breath and asked him how he would feel if he saw me kicking a soccer ball against his $3000 new racing bike. That shut him up for a while.
Hope the scratches come out….
P.S. My husband is usually pretty sensitive–don’t know what got into him that day, maybe a return of his inner 12 year old.
Oh, man, that would definitely send me over the edge. Definitely definitely definitely. There would be crying AND yelling, yes. But I can’t help feeling like there must be a way to fix it.
I always try to shrug it off when something gets broken in our house because when I was growing up, my dad was so out of control angry at us for breaking things and I hated it. But when it’s something that you really love that has been wrecked, it is VERY hard not to get angry.
My brother once took a screwdriver and punched holes in a wooden chest my mom got for her wedding…my stepfather filled it in with wood putty. I am thinking there has to be some kind of repair out there…There are also these brown sharpies they make for especially for coloring in wood scratches.
Elizabeth
Aw. I feel for you. Although in our house it is my DH who is much more concerned about scratches and stains on OUR table, which he guards with his life. But this thing about yelling-then-crying over something not related to the major stress is very, very common around here.
My other comment is: PAPER CLIPS?! That seems… bizarre. And extreme. Unless he was doodling in the wood with said paper clips. I use paper clips all the time and they do not harm furniture unless wielded by hands.
PS. Liquid Gold is our friend.
That sucks, sorry. Hope you day gets a little better and tomorrow even better.
Oh no! In my opinion, your reaction was completely rational. Or, at least that’s probably what I would have done, too. Heh. I’m so sorry about your table.
What a crappy way to start the day. And the week. I hope Mr A was at least contrite. How about a tablecloth until you feel up to dealing with fixing it or a new table?
Hey-you’re under a lot of stress. In my experience, the uncertainty and limboland is THE WORST. Of course it had to come out at some point.
It seems like if it scratched that easily, the scratches must just be in the surface? In which case, they should be easy enough for Mr. A to buff out-because you have enough on your plate. ~lmc
Totally understandable to have something just send you right over the edge like that.
Now you’re going to have to ask Mr. A how on *earth* paperclips would have done that…I admit to being puzzled!
It was just the thing to push you over the edge. Are you sure he’s not quilting at night with a rotary cutter? Or scrapbooking???
It seems like it’s always something rather small that blows the geyser of stress that’s been building. Maybe it feels safer to explode over shit like that. I dunno, but I do it all. the. time.
Go vintage tablecloth shopping? That would perk me up.
Hey, a few weeks ago I put a 15 foot scratch in our hardwood floors. And I went ballistic on my own ass, freaking out. And then I was bummed for days.
You know, not that I even know what I’m talking about, but I’m having a hard time with the fact that you SOOO don’t want to move. I feel bad that there isn’t some kind of compromise. I know this isn’t for everybody, but my parents lived apart for a few years while my dad had a choice of either losing his job or transferring out of state. We were older, though. And I know that would be harder to do with 2 little kids. But just a thought? He could find a little studio and work and come home on weekends once a month or so.
I know that is a waaay out there idea, but I just feel bad for you that this all seems so miserable for you. I’m just brainstorming compromises.
Anyway, sorry about the table. I sympathize.
I think your reaction was not unreasonable considering the stress of thinking about moving. I’m still scratching my head trying to figure out how he did so much damage with paperclips.
Do you normally keep a table cloth on the table by any chance? Maybe you could buy an awesome tablecloth and then you wouldn’t have to look at the ruined table? But it would still be functional?
Gretchen
Is he still alive to be able to answer his phone to accept a job interview? I totally GET IT, in fact, I’m mad at my husband and all my kids today just because it sounds like something one of them might do.
lol @ Stacey’s comment! I’ve done some damage with a rotary cutter myself. Anyway. “Damn” about the table. I would be ballistiic too. Then my husband would have asked if I was getting my period. Then I’d have really gone ballistic… and then, by now, I’d *have* my period. End story.
Ooooooh…….I feel your pain. And your reaction was a perfectly normal human one.
Wood putty mentioned above is a good idea. Black magic marker sometimes works for us, too.
But PAPER CLIPS??? What the hell was he doing with those paper clips?
The build up of stress always come out over “smaller” things for me too. Or I’ll be managing the stress well for a bit and then it will come blasting out over something else.
It sounds like the table was the symbol of the last thing being in place for things to be the way you want. Cry in your cheerios and then you’ll have the calm to figure it out. (Speaking as one who ran out of the room heaving, crying over dish washing last night, when the issue was not actually about dishes at all. )
Have you tried paraffin? I think if you rub some paraffin on the scratches they won’t be so noticeable. It should be “hard” paraffin, the kind that comes in blocks, not liquid. You can probably buy some wherever they sell things to make candles, or crafts.
Awww….Call Crate N Barrel and see what they recommend. I bought some furniture at Raymour and Flannigan and it came scratched…the guys fixed it and it looks perfect!
Also, you can call a furniture refinisher to ask what to do.
I love the look of bare gleaming wood in the dining room, but with cats and a toddler, that’s not realistic for us. So we got table pads and pretty tablecloths. At least I know the wood is safe under the pad!
I’m so sorry my friend. I’d be crying over my cheerios too, and I would have screamed as well. I hope everyone else’s suggestions help. As for paper clip, I guess that if they scratched the table it might mean that it’s not very sturdy to begin with. Unlike some other commenters, I do think it’s really possible that paper clips would scratch a table. I’m so sorry…