The other night, Mr. A took the girls to the playground after dinner. When they came home about 45 minutes later, Mr. A whispered “Uh, there was an incident at the playground…”
This is what he described: M and L were playing at the playground and a little girl seemed VERY interested in playing with M. The little girl was Black, with dark skin and many braids. Usually, M is happy to play with anyone who will talk to her (particularly girls about her age), but not for some reason not this girl. Mr. A said M consistently ignored the little girl, despite her clear interest.
“I think she didn’t want to play with her because she was Black!” Mr. A whispered, “I didn’t know what to do, so we just came home.”
As you can imagine, this information made my stomach drop. I immediately flashed back to the many, many conversations I have had with M trying to avoid this very situation.
I decided to try to find out more info. I casually asked M if she made any new friends at the park.
“Not tonight,” she said, refusing to elaborate.
“Oh, weren’t there any kids there who were your age?” I asked.
“There was a girl…” M said, “But she was DIFFERENT so I didn’t want to play with her.”
(That loud thunk you just heard in your imagination was the sound of my jaw hitting the floor.)
“How was she different?” I said, very afraid to hear the answer.
“She had BRAIDS,” M said, “Lots and lots of braids. And her skin was very dark.”
So there it was. There was no way to pretend that M was avoiding the girl for some other reason. She just laid it all out there.
“Huh.” I said and backed out of the room to confer with Mr. A.
“OMFG!?!?! Did you hear what she said?? What the F-ITY F F F?!??!?!?” I hissed.
“She said THAT?!?!” he said, “What are we supposed to DO?”
“Well, we damn well have to do SOMETHING.” I said, “Was that girl still at the park? Maybe I should talk to M and take her back over there so she can learn that she is being ridiculous?”
After a quick discussion, that is exactly what I decided to do.
(To Be Continued)
Oh gosh. Poor you. I know you try so hard to keep anything like that from happening. Waiting for part two…
Wow. I can’t wait to hear what happened next. I’m sure you were freaking out.
This is completely TMI, but please tell Mr. A that I thought of him (or at least of your descriptions) after my dinner out at a restaurant turned into a rough night of lactose intolerance! Ugh!
Oh, the suspense!
I’m curious to hear the end of the story. Late preschool seems to be the time when kids really become aware of race, and when racist behavior starts. I’ve struggled with figuring out how to deal with some of my daughter’s questions and comments.
Are their black kids at your daughter’s school? Does she play with them?
oh man- tough one……but good for you for dealing with it right then and there…….looking forward to part 2
Meg
Holy crap, you raised a racist daughter!!!!
Maybe it was that church your parents take her to.
I bet the Jesus at church is white instead of black like everyone knows Jesus is. Or maybe its because you eat meat and have to regard for life. MURDERER!!!
http://www.AnUrbanStory.com
I’m so sorry-but, my mother went through something very similar with me when I was 7. She set me up with a girl a few doors down, we had both just moved to the neighborhood, same age etc. I refused to play with her because she was different. I was adamant. My mother was at a loss.
The difference? She had “boy hair.” She was white. We are, 35 years later, still good friends. Hang in there. ~lmc
Hmm-it just dawned on me all these years later-I wonder what D said to HER mom about my hand differences? The irony of my stance never occurred to me until this moment…
~lmc
OK, I am compulsively checking back for Part 2, hurry up!
very curious how you handled it…
We live in a neighborhood that is about 98% Latino, we’re white. Last week one of the little boys on our street who is probably around 4 asked why my son (who is very pale and red headed) was “so white” and “funny looking.” He was also very curious about my “spots” (freckles) Gotta love how kids just put it all out there! We had an interesting conversation about hair color and eye color and why different people look the way they do. He seemed genuinely curious and not at all mean about it. And obviously it is different since, even though we are clearly the minority within our neighborhood, we are the dominant culture…so my son won’t feel like a minority in the world at large even though at school and on the playground he definitely will be. It will be interesting to see how it plays out.