For the past few weeks, I have been volunteering to make calls for the Obama campaign. The calls I am making are to people who live within about one or two miles from my house. After the first night when I got a few really nasty comments from people who do not support Obama, I started prefacing my calls like this:
“Hi Mr./Ms. XYZ, my name is AmFam and I am one of your neighbors in Our Suburb who is volunteering with the Obama campaign. How are you tonight?”
It is funny how adding “I am one of your neighbors” changes the tone of the conversation so significantly into one that is polite or even friendly. I actually had one guy grill me on where exactly I live, because I think he thought I was actually not from our neighborhood. Once I described where my house is, he became as sweet as pie, even though he didn’t want to talk to the campaign (which is totally fine by me and I happily bid him a good evening).
When they know they might run into the person they are talking to on the street or in the grocery store, people tend to be a lot more polite and treat others like a human being. Most of the time there is at the very least a respect for the socially acceptable norms in our community.
The downside of calling my neighbors is how disappointing it is when someone you may meet on the street ends up really being offensive. In that case, I suppose I would much rather not know. Ignorance is bliss and all that.
I recently ran into a situation where a discussion of politics turned into something that was undeniably siding with racist arguments. Even though the comments were directed at Barack Obama, it felt like my husband and my children’s right to be included as citizens in this country were being denied. To say the least, I walked away feeling unbearably sad and offended.
The thing about the election this year is that tensions on all sides are high. It is easy to forget that the people on the other side are still our friends and our neighbors. I try to remind myself that we can all receive the same information and draw different conclusions about our political choices, but we can all still be good people with good intentions who love our country and our neighbors.
I forget that there are actually people out there who choose to vote against someone because one of his parents was not American or because his mother chose for her family to spend time in a Muslim country and even married someone from that country. And that people believe that someone in those circumstances should even be denied American citizenship.
Sure, the conversation included more reasons why they didn’t want to vote for Obama, but it doesn’t really matter. After those points all I could think about was my husband who was born and raised in this country (a natural born American citizen) but who could claim citizenship in Taiwan if he wanted to. And about my daughter born in another country and adopted without her own consent thus losing her Chinese citizenship and gaining citizenship in a country where she may be seen as a perpetual foreigner. And my daughter who is born biracial in a country where people may hold against her her own conception by two parents of different races.
I know those people are out there, but because I rarely run into people who will voice such extreme views out loud, I didn’t think of them as my neighbors.
But now, I feel like I have witnessed a crack in the polite fascade and seen more deeply – and more honestly – into the heart of one of my neighbors.
I wish I could turn back the clock and not know.
Two things, one of Rory’s friends who is a Chinese adoptee was referred to as “The Grudge” this weekend at a dance. Google the movie and you will know why this is offensive. I forget how racist this place can be sometimes until I am slapped in the face with it.
Second, Mallory has been making calls on behalf of Obama and is often sworn at, really offensive things. She did have a woman who was 92 tell her “of course I support Obama, he supports women’s rights.” That made Mal happy, that someone from a completely different generation cared about the things she does.
Yeah, I’ve been canvassing door to door because I figured it would be harder for people to be extremely rude if they could actually see me face to face. (I also took my 22 month old daughter along the first time, for similar reasons).
I’m sorry you’ve had to come up against these attitudes that are, unfortunately, still lurking out there.
The pundits who were discussing last night’s debate said something that I thought was interesting: while they acknowledged that race is most likely going to be a factor in this campaign, they also stated that it is MUCH more likely to sway older voters than younger ones. Like the whole gay marriage issue, most young people (even conservative Republicans!) really can’t see what all the fuss is about. That gave me hope that in another 30 years, all this stuff will just be a sordid memory.
Good for you for getting out there and promoting discussion. I’m trying to do the same thing…not necessarily trying to convert the people I talk to as much as to promote civil discussion based on the facts–so critical when there’s so much misinformation floating around out there.
i’m having a hard time with this, too. i wish people could treat eachother more kindly. i’m trying to keep it at the forefront of my mind that some of my friends feel very differently from me and that is okay. but when the mud goes flying, it’s hard to not feel the effect on your friendship.
i think our community (yours and mine) here is very small-town in some respects. people know eachother more than in other communities for some reason. i love that so much, but when you know that one of those people is really kind of a jerk, it sucks even more.
when we left the park yesterday, i had a flyer on my windshield. it was basically a pro-life piece, and it was driving me nuts wondering who put it there!!!
It’s always been there. It’s just now with the “stakes so high”, people are blurting out their inner prejudices in the heat of passionate debate (or exclamation).
The 4 of us will be canvassing on Saturday. I hope people will be civil, but you never know. We’ve had our Obama sign stolen more than once–that doesn’t seem particularly civil.
I hear you. Very very disappointing and sad.
Living in a red state that is actually in contention this year is sure eye-opening. I could pass on all the commercials we’re getting this time, but it’s nice to see our votes will count this time.
My husband and I have been the rare Democrats in the schools where we teach. In the past, my students pretty much parroted their parents’ views. This time is different. I don’t know if it’s because Obama was here a few times or because they’re identifying with him, but they’re all rooting for him. I teach in an urban school with over 50% of the students being AA, Hispanic or Multi-ethnic.
That is quite disturbing. Since I’m not on the ground there – but rather in that Muslim country where Obama (and my husband as a child) once lived, along with my Chinese born children- I’ve been spared much this political cycle. Some of it, I’m afraid, would be coming from my own family and not just my neighbors. This http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/05/opinion/05kristof.html piece in the Times is also disturbing.
GREAT post!! I hear ya on that one, my friend, and I feel it every day too. Sometimes I just have this sinking feeling that although most people in this country descend from immigrants, people nowadays just seem to resent people from other countries. This is just so sad and it makes me angry (in addition to hurt and, I don’t know… disappointed that some Americans are so narrow minded).
Oh yes, and last Sunday, at my nephew’s small birthday party, when my FIL asked me whether an Asian woman there was Japanese or Chinese, I was almost angry at his question. I replied to him (almost in a rude tone) that she was most probably AMERICAN. It’s amazing to me how people can make small slightly racist comments and not even notice! I really like when you blog about race.
I’m sorry.Unfortunately, I get to see the cracks in the facade pretty regularly, as people that everyone likes/respects etc. flinch if they need to shake my hand, for a quick example. I know that feeling of “knowing too much” about colleagues/neighbors. Perhaps that’s part of where my cynical world view comes from ; )
We actually had to do a poll in our neighborhood moms group (700+ members) about what is acceptable policy for political discourse on the listserv-it started getting pretty volatile. Looks like the vote is coming down for open discussion, and I’m looking forward to hearing more from the McCain supporters in my neighborhood. ~lmc
I care more this year than I have cared abotu a presidential election- and that’s saying a lot. I have some family members on my husband’s side who are exhibiting the same unconscious racism in Kristof’s piece in the times – if you put Obama’s and McCain’s policies down without listing the party or candidate, they would pick Obama’s policies because they are better for them. Yet – they have indicated quite strongly that they would vote for McCain because they are “patriots” or because Obama is “not experienced enough.” (and apparently Palin is??)
I find that I can’t even try to have a rational conversation with them because as you try to delve into what exactly are their reasons for choosing McCain over Obama, they simply can’t articulate their reasons, and they get more and more agitated as we press. And so by a process of elimination, we have figured out what it is.
Of course, what disappoints the most is that they are minorities themselves, and can’t see their own unconscious racism.
As someone who quit girl scouts because cookie selling made me sick, I’m very impressed that after the first unpleasant response or two you didn’t just retreat behind your phone phobia (or was it just shyness in general, can’t remember) and leave the calling to someone else. Not only that but you tweaked your script and made calls on a whole ‘nother evening. Woweee. As a democrat I am also quite grateful. I’ve given up on on my racist dad, who thinks Obama might be a communist, but I’m still working on my mother, who is hesitantly on the fence.