So on Friday, Mr. A got the old snipperoo.
The week leading up to his surgery was a solid week of jokes about his genitals. I think at one point I may even have made up a little song. Do you know how hard it is to find rhymes for scrotum and testicles?
We were expecting the worst. Whenever we mentioned that Mr. A was going to get snipped, there was a resounding chorus of sympathy. Men couldn’t seem to help but share one of the following: A) Stories about how they would NEVER agree to let someone cut open their balls, B) Stories of how a friend of a friend of a friend had a vasectomy and their penis rotted off, or C) Tales of their own snippage and the suffering that followed.
As for Mr. A’s surgery, I am unimpressed. I dropped him off at 6:45, came home to drop M off at school at 7:50 and picked Mr. A up by 8:30. They gave him some decent drugs and after I went to procure an “anti fungal athletic supporter*, Mr. A really didn’t seem that uncomfortable. The suffering certainly didn’t hinder his ability to spend two entire days and nights playing with the playstation he borrowed from a friend.
It isn’t that I really wanted him to suffer, exactly, but it really doesn’t seem fair that he got off so easy.
I have managed almost all aspects of the pain in the ass that is modern birth control since I was 17 and that includes 12 years of this relationship . Suffering that included discussing birth control with my mom while I was in high school, taking pills that made me sick/break out/gain weight, carrying around a diaphragm and spermicide and having to remember to use it, 100% of the blame when our birth control failed ONCE in all those years, an IUD that makes me bleed like a stuck pig once a month, etc.
I also trudged through the indignities and discomforts of 9.5 months of pregnancy. I won’t go through them all, but I even got stretchmarks on my CALVES for crying out loud. My CALVES. And my sideburns grew in so thick I looked like a short, fat, hairy MAN. No one tells you about that when they talk about “glowing” pregnant women. The only glowing I did was when my face was red from living in a neverending hot flash that lasted two months.
So far, Mr. A’s surgery looks more pleasant than the first week of pregnancy was for me, not to mention the following 4o after that (Need I mention that M was born a solid week overdue? One of the worst weeks of my entire life.)
Anyway, he lived and so far, his package hasn’t fallen off from gangrene. Hopefully, the surgery on his sperms (as M called it) will be a success and I can wash my hands of birth control for the rest of my life.
Halle-freaking-llujah!
(*Seriously, Antifungal was written in enormous font on the packaging. The thought of fungal athletic supporters haunted me throughout the rest of my trip to Target.)
This may seem like TMI. I’m sorry if it does, but trust me on this. If the doctor told you to wait X number of days before ‘intimacy’ (probably 5 or 6)…THE DOCTOR was very freaking serious.
So, despite the fact that he may seem like he feels fine, and even if you have had two glasses of wine and are feeling frisky…GO SLEEP ON THE COUCH. Because you do NOT want to have to go to the ER at 2:00 AM and explain to them that you tried to sex your husband to death. It’s not only really scary, but it’s MONUMENTALLY embarrassing.
Speaking on behalf of the ER, I agree with Lawmommy. Heh.
Congrats on the snippage, Mr. A!
Hilarious and right on! (My fist is IN THE AIR)
yeah, everything you said…I pump my fist in the air, too. I have NO fucking tolerance for men who whine incessantly about vasectomies. And the ones who refuse to do it and have their wives get a tubal after 15 years of birth control and bearing their children? Fucking evil bastards not worthy of the title “husband.”
Do you know how hard it is to find rhymes for scrotum and testicles?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6V5ar8YrjA (IMHO hilarious, but pretty much guaranteed to offend everyone, plus NSFW.)
This is on our immediate horizon, but it’s at the spouse’s insistence, not mine. Which is good, because after 12.5 weeks of bedrest, the last 5.5 of them in the hospital, I am thinking I’d have NO SYMPATHY for anyone who wanted to whine post-snippage.
Not to mention those excruciating headaches the last time I tried to use the pill. Oy.
Glad to hear that Mr. A is doing well.
also… make sure you wait the three months or however long it is before ditching other birth control. i have a friend with a fourth child because they didn’t wait long enough to “flush the pipes.”
he he. pipes.
DH insisted he get it done which raised his points in my book by a lot…..but then when he sent me to the store for the icepacks (the doc suggested frozen peas)….he INSISTED on the good stuff-not generic….they were his balls after all…….i rolled my eyes and let the points drop just a little! You have a C-section and the staff have you up and walking around still taking care of a baby that day- a tiny incision and a moment of being uncomfortable and DH gets to lay around in bed for a week not lifting anything heavier than the remote…..amazing.
Thanks for that fungal athletic supporter bit. I’m pretty much going to have to stay in the shower until the mental image subsides…;’}
This may be too nosy, but did insurance cover that, or was it considered “elective” surgery? In a world where a lot of insurance companies won’t cover the BCP, I just wonder. I’m thinking about getting an IUD and also wondering about insurance/ payment. Anyway, congratulations on not having to think about it ever again!
Do they cut off the testicles as well?
I’m glad it all went well. We’re seriously considering this too… although, of course, I wanted another child
. My IUD is due to be replaced in July, so we don’t have much time.
I think that after the appendectomy, getting snipped won’t be ANYTHING to K, thankfully! Of course with men, one never knows. I love your tag “men are sissies!” Because, poor things, they are!
Care to share some of those penis rot tales of horror? My hubby wants to get snipped and I am desperately hoping to have more children. A well placed scare story might buy me a few more years of discussion.
And then, of course, there are the babies that are born if you don’t get them checked. My niece was conceived 9 years after the old snipperoo.