I have to say, the comments on that last post made my weekend. On some level, I knew most people do not keep their homes spotlessly clean all the time. I have seen it with my own eyes many times.
But still, my biggest concern about the state of my own house’s cleanliness is mostly related to what other people will think of me if they know our house gets messy.
That’s crazy, right? Because the vast majority of the times I see other people’s houses kind of messy, I don’t think anything bad about them. As a friend and I were discussing last week, it actually makes me feel pretty good to see other people’s messy homes. It makes me feel like I am normal.
And yet, my subconscious insists on clinging to this stupid anxiety around my messy house. It just goes to show how much I internalized some of my mom’s issues when I was growing up. Before company would come over, my mom would go CRAZY cleaning the house. Crazy enough that my sister, dad and I would try to find any excuse not to be home. My mom also had some social anxiety issues, as well as a need to prove she was good enough (which I believe was overcompensating for the fact that she had me when she was a teenager).
Both my sister and I have similar anxiety, though mine is the least of all of us. For that matter, I believe all my mom’s sisters get anxious and need to have spotless houses when they have company too. I suspect it is partly inherited and partly learned. But really, in the grand scheme of all possible inherited neuroses, these are not so bad.
In general, our house probaby averages around a 6. On bad days it probably goes as low as a 4 or 5. If I could keep it an 8, I would be much less stressed about it. I know that I am never going to be enough of a perfectionist to reach a 9 or a 10. Deep down, I am just too lazy and while I care, I don’t care that much.
So thanks again for sharing. Seriously, most of you made me feel much better. And the rest of you with really, super-clean houses, well, I am envious of the environment but not the work.
Coming up soon: Chinese New Year, pass or fail?
Huh. Social anxiety and issues about having a clean house for company–sounds like me. My mother is coming to visit in two weeks and specifically said, “Don’t clean!” because she knows how I am. But, you know, I will. Sigh.
That’s me, too, the anxiety. So I don’t have anyone over. Makes things easy. Har.
With 2 kids, the house gets cluttered really fast! I just can’t keep up.
Funny you should mention your aunts. My boyfriend’s mom and her sisters are crazy competitive about all things domestic, including cleaning minutia. This seems nuts to me, but that’s probably because I would lose any such contest. I wonder if your mom and her sisters are like that, winding each other up?
Houses that are a 9 or a 10 are hotbeds of OCD. Believe it. I have cleaning issues as well, but I find it’s a lot easier to deal with if I try to stay semi-on top of it. Unfortunately, every so often I slip into constantly-on-the-Internet-laziness and it all falls to ruin.
Thanks for putting the question out-I found the responses helpful too. I think the thing for us, or at least me (J is ocd-which is why we fight despite having a clean house by many standards), but for me-I do it for myself. I don’t really care what others think, and sometimes I’m almost embarrassed-like when I had a party and someone was looking for a corkscrew and gasped over the orderliness of my kitchen drawers, showing them to everyone-but, for me, it is less stressful to have a clean house and not need to look for stuff. And, well, it’s a deep aesthetic for my artistic nature. It doesn’t usually feel like work. ~lmc
Lisa, Please please come and live with us for awhile and organize our drawers! Oops, that sounds a bit suggestive doesn’t it.
When your girls get older and they are both in school all day, you will see, it won’t be as hard to keep up with the housekeeping. Between afterschool activities, homework, dinner and bath, they won’t have as much time to mess up all that you’ve straighted up. It will get better and your anxiety will lessen as a result!
The social anxiety thing…I agree, though since I started medication in November I actually find it easier to keep the house a 6. Before, I would stress about it and then not end up doing anything, now I see something and do it. It will never be perfect, my mother didn’t clean anything when I was a kid, my dad did EVERYTHING! I am much more like my dad in ALL respects, including the anxiety issues and serious lack of social life because of it. A confession…I have never been to a real concert in my life because I would rather die than have all those strange people rubbing up against me. I refuse to shop at the mall after October because of the crowds. I don’t even like to go to the grocery store unless I have my dh with me, though I go now more often, I don’t wait until we run out of food before I go.
I am a clean up before company come kind of person…not to the level that I feel anxious about it. Maybe I have internalized it so thoroughly? It just feels polite to make sure there is a clean-ish kitchen from which to offer guests food and clear furniture for people to sit and clean floors for people to walk. Isn’t there an anonymous Flickr stream on this topic? Or maybe I need one. I wonder if my good enough is someone else’s “before.” LOL.
i think my need for cleanliness USED to be about what other people thought about my house (esp. my mom, who loves to comment on the state of my house). but at some point, i decided that i just don’t care – that people who keep their houses crazy neat are just driving themselves nuts and really missing out on life.
that said, i need an uncluttered space. i can deal with a messy playroom, but i cannot sit back and relax if the living room is messy.
i am also glad to hear that you change your sheets as infrequently as i do.