I can’t read the news today. Every time I catch a glimpse of the story of Dr. Tiller’s murder, I get teary.
When we lived in San Francisco, I worked in an abortion clinic. Actually, it was a women’s health clinic that happened to perform abortions. Every day, I sat behind to a window of bullet proof glass doing my menial office tasks. Sometimes we had protesters outside our clinic. Sometimes those protesters videotaped our cars and license plates as we drove in and out of the parking lot. Why? I could only imagine it was because they wanted to trace us and find out where we lived and who we were. One year, we had to close our clinics for a week because the FBI informed us there was a credible threat that we would be bombed.
I won’t lie. It was scary. I used to have nightmares. It was just a tiny taste of our own home-grown domestic terrorism.
Because our clinic had previously received an envelope of white powder that claimed to be anthrax, I opened the mail while wearing a mask and latex gloves. Sometimes, we received angry letters, cut up pictures of fetuses and threats, but those were not the items I remember the most.
Occasionally, the checks would be accompanied by a woman’s story. Why she had an abortion. How visiting our clinic changed her life. The stories of abortions in Mexico before abortions were legal in the U.S.
I remember that each month we received an anonymous envelope with two money orders for $10 each. Usually, there was no note enclosed. But one month, a piece of paper was tucked inside. It simply said: “Thank you for being there when I needed you.” I don’t know that woman’s story, but I know that she sent those money orders religiously.
One of the doctors who performed abortions at our clinic was an older doctor who completed his residency before Roe v. Wade. At one gathering he told us that when he was training, the GYN students referred to their rotation in the emergency room as being “in the septic tank”. This was because many of their patients came to the ER suffering the after effects of botched or unhygenic back alley abortions. Many of them only came to the ER once they were so infected and ill that their bodies were going into septic shock. Many of them died.
Even when it is safe and legal, abortion isn’t fun. It isn’t a cause that has a fancy ribbon, its own theme color or celebrities marketing trendy wristbands or t-shirts. Abortions are usually necessary because of some kind of tragedy.
Let’s be honest, when a mother simply CAN NOT have her child – for whatever reason be it financial or emotional or for health reasons or for any one of 10,000 reasons why a woman might choose an abortion – it is a choice that woman (that MOTHER) did not want to be in a position to make. And don’t even get me started on the ways we fail to provide adequate access to reproductive healthcare, contraceptives, safe sex education and prenatal care that directly contribute to crisis pregnancies in the first place.
I can’t imagine the fear that Dr. Tiller and his family lived with all these years of harrassment and threats and even after he was shot. I do know that Dr. Tiller’s courage provided hope and dignity for women facing a terrible decision. Women like Susan or Julia or Ayelet or Cecily, each one of whom has some kind of heartbreaking story.
Today, in honor of Dr. Tiller, I am making a donation to the brave men and women at Medical Students for Choice. These future doctors who will probably work behind bullet-proof glass to make sure that women continue to have access to safe abortions with dignity and respect. I am also making a donation to the George Tiller Memorial Abortion Fund in honor of Dr. Tiller and all the women whose lives he touched.
Comment at your own risk. Nasty or anti-choice comments will be deleted. I am in no mood for such shenanigans today.
I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what to say in response to your post…only because you’ve said so eloquently what I never could. My sister had to have an abortion for medical reasons and I’m so very glad that she was able to do so safely. Thank you…
I applaud your candor. I was seriously disturbed when I saw the news come up that this man was shot and killed at his place of worship. He did honorable work for women in need of help and guidance and lived through hell to do it. I honor your commitment to be pro-choice and mine as well.
Our minds, Our bodies.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Thanks for writing this – and thank you for linking to Susan Ito’s essay. So terribly moving.
As someone who had a late term abortion for reasons that don’t fit any legal limit but were very valid nonetheless, I was very shaken by the news-and immediately thought of my doctor, 24 years ago, and his well being. And I also thought of an abortion doctor I know here (professionally), who is also an activist for choice. Here’s his response: OMG-I went for the link to his letter and discovered he is under federal protection. I should have realized, but didn’t. He and his wife have a young son. So scary. http://www.denverpost.com/ci_12494657
Thank you. I’m going to bookmark this for future reference. I can’t even form words about this right now.
What amazes me is that on the other side of the world this just wouldn’t happen. We do have rallies against abortions however as a woman who has never been in that position i am pro choice. Choice to make our decisions.
Hugs Ruth
Thank you. You stated my feelings beautifully.
Simply: AMEN.
This is so foreign to me. Here in Canada, Abortion is legal. There are private clinics for discretion, but the health care system will also cover you at the regular hospital. Once in a while, you will hear a small story in the news about an anti-abotion group, but it’s mostely non-existent. Just this week, a high placed Catholic Cardinal returned his Order of Canada medal because last year they named Dr. Henry Morgentaler to the Order of Canada. (He was the pioneer in Abortions in Canada.)
Now, I don’t know statistics, but I don’t think we have a particularly high instance of abortions here. Women don’t use abortions as birth control and they are deeply counselled before the procedure about ALL the options.
Maybe it’s the Canadian thing, but I just cannot wrap my head around one side taking to violence to get it’s point across…. And I am so very happy that I live in country where my right to choose it not only protected, it can’t be attacked.
You are so fortunate. I do wish that it was that way in the USA. The USA could learn a lot from the way that Canada handles abortion. Thank you for sharing.
couldn’t have said it better myself.
Domestic terrorists. And these people are not “pro-LIFE” they are anti-choice. Hypocrites and worse. Obviously I can’t even talk about this calmly.
I’m so sick and disheartened and sad about this.
This whole thing makes me so angry. That people who claim to be pro-life can take a life in the name of their cause just boggles my mind. That people who are doing their (LEGAL) jobs have to fear for their safety from whack jobs who seem to think they get to determine what is right and wrong infuriates me.
I’m anti-death penalty but you don’t see me out there trying to kill executioners who work on death row. I don’t blame them for doing their (LEGAL) jobs. If you don’t like something, you work to change the law you don’t kill people.
thank you so much, and for the mention. Last night was my daughter’s 15th birthday and I had to make her birthday dinner, presents, cake etc. But when it was over I excused myself and rushed to San Francisco where there was a candlelight vigil for Dr. Tiller. I felt like I had to be there. When I got there, it was only a handful of women, and they were leaving. I felt devastated – that either I had missed it completely, or that only a handful of people had shown up to honor this man. This morning a friend messaged me and said a LOT of people had come, it was packed, and very moving. That made me feel better.
So did your post.
I personally believe that abortion is wrong, but I certainly don’t want the government telling me or any other woman what we can or can’t do with our bodies, and to kill a man in cold blood — in a CHURCH, no less — is unfathomably evil. I hate being lumped in with those “pro-life” nutjobs.
Thank you for the links. I donated to Medical Students for Choice. Because if I ever need another abortion, I want my doctor to know what she is doing.
I support choice; unfortunately, where I live the choices are have it or undergo clandestine procedures (adoption is rare). So many more lives are lost here due to the illegality of abortion than are saved.
Last year our congress passed a ‘health and reproduction’ law which made abortion legal. It was a historic moment. Sadly, so was when the President refused to sign it due to his religious beliefs.
So many here, and elsewhere, oppose abortion on religious grounds. They claim it is wrong and immoral and cite their religious belifs to support their opinion. To them I always ask, by who’s beliefs? (theirs) Why should I abide by your moral standards, by what you consider right?
I always ask ‘pro-life’ supporters here how keeping it ilegal helps. For me it’s so clear, making it legal would only change the conditions the procedure is done, make sure women are counseled before undergoing an abortion, and that they have post-procedure assistance (for complications, psychological).
I also remind them that if legal, those who now say they would never do it would still think the same; and those who now risk their lives (and going to jail) would still think the same. In that sense, it chages nothing. Also, if legal, no one would force who oppose it to undergo abortions, they would be allowed to choose. Then, why should those who ‘support’ it be taken their right to choose?
As bad as things are here in terms of this issue, at least ‘pro-life’ supporters have not yet killed those who support choice. It’s ironic how those who claim to support life take one to make a point.
his life being taken is incredibly sad and very very wrong. when some one “protests” what they see as violence by *using* violence, all meaning of their protest is lost and all that is left is tragedy.
what you wrote:
And don’t even get me started on the ways we fail to provide adequate access to reproductive healthcare, contraceptives, safe sex education and prenatal care that directly contribute to crisis pregnancies in the first place.
yes yes yes. i fully believe that if people want to see a decrease in abortions, we need to start supporting these things, as well as then supporting the mothers AFTER they have the baby, as well.
I remember all this too, & I’ve been tearful about this for weeks, & it’s happening again reading this post. & I know live in the free healthcare bubble of massachusetts but I still remember what being of resident of louisiana was like. oh dear god this country is in bad shape.
So well said Amfam. I agree completely and was saddened to hear this story on the news as well.
Is everything ok? You seem to have gone an awfully long time between posts. Hope you are all fine and dandy!
x
How is everything going?