Short story. Really short.
Ok, it isn’t that short, but I need to vent.
My mom and dad want to take the girls to Disneyworld. As previously documented, I would rather shove glass in my own eye than go there.
I also don’t really want my kids going there for the following reasons (which are guaranteed to offend a good 50% of my readers):
- It is a colossal waste of money. Not my money, my parents’, but still. The trip could probably cover at least a quarter’s tuition at state college.
- I fucking HATE disney princesses (and now fairies too) and they way the prey on little girls’ affections and their parents’ money. I hate how there only seems to be two viable halloween costumes these days (Tinkerbell or a princess) because Disney has eaten all the little girls’ brains.
- I also hate the stupid Prince Charming Will Save You and You Will Ride Happily Into the Sunset Together bullshit. Call me a Feminist if you will (as if that is a bad thing), but that shit is wacked.
- My kids are going to grow up privileged enough. At this rate, they will go to Disneyworld at least 5 times before they outgrow it. Do I want to be the mother of the kid who says “I’ve been to Disney 5 TIMES! You’ve only been there once!” No. I do not.
- Last but not least, there is guaranteed to be at least one Disney T-shirt, one stuffed animal and god knows how many other Disney themed pieces of crap that will migrate home from that trip and then live in my house forever. I do not want Disney crap in my house.
My parents asked to take the girls to Disneyworld last spring and I said no because L was too little to go without me. If I went along, they were going to pay for the girls and I had to pay for myself. No, effing WAY was I going to pay for the privilege of going to my personal hell. We did not go.
A few weeks ago, my mom called to ask if they could go this year. I sighed and probably sounded pretty annoyed. Then she hung up on me. That led to a 2 week standoff in which neither of us would speak to the other.
After 2 weeks of cooling off, we handled this conflict in the way my family usually handles conflict: We pretended nothing had ever happened at all.
My dad called and I (against my better judgment, but in the interest of family harmony) agreed to let the girls go with them, but I did not want to go. We have a family vacation already scheduled and I would rather shove glass in my eyes than go there (see above). Dad was happy that the girls could go and let it drop.
Or so I thought.
Today, my dad stepped over the line. He called Mr. A directly to ask him to try to convince me to agree that Mr. A and I would go with them on their trip to Disneyhell.
This seriously pissed me off. I could go into the 50 reasons why this is over the line, but right now I am busy counting backward from 100 in an effort to prevent myself from calling my dad and flipping out on him.
I do not want to go to Disneyworld.
I’m so glad Lee and I are the same page with each other (and you) when it comes to Disney World, though we had dinner last night with her work mentor, who also runs a Disney-specific travel agency (????) and I had to bite my tongue a billion times. I’m sorry you have that kind of division in your family. This sounds incredibly tough and frustrating.
i really admire your resolve.
My house has disney crap, though here, the princesses save the princes, who are all too weak and metro-sexual to do anything for themselves. As for the park, I have to admit, we have been several times and against all odds, I found myself enjoying it. Mostely from an anthropological, non-american, observer’s point of view (the people-watching is out of this world). Our wallet did not enjoy it at all, but it’s a can of worms we have opened and I’m guessing there will be repeat visits in our future.
Though we did take them to the totally getto Great Escapes in northern NY this summer and they had just as much fun, and it was waaaaayyyy easier on the wallet. But it was missing the sun and sand.
I have to say I don’t quite get it – your parents want to go to Disney with your kids but only if you go too? Call their bluff?
Good luck!
Whohhhhh-ah…bad move on your dad’s part. Major error. Augghh. But before I read to the bottom and got all still and serious contemplating your dad’s misjudgment, I was PISSING myself hopping up and down and cheering you on for your five bullets! Go Amber, Go Amber!
I think I’d keep saying too little, too little until middle school. I went once in high school and that was just the right age I think.
I just wanted to present another way to reframe it. Take it or leave it as you wish and I say it with respect and understanding of your points.
What if you take the Disneyhell part out of it. I mean to say, hold your ground about not wanting to spend time there if you don’t want to but reframe the experience as less about the commercialism of it all and rather as a way that your parents can spend time with the girls. Sure there are other less commercial places but it does allow your parents to spend time doing something they enjoy with the grandkids. There are things my mom does with my son that I’m rolling my eyes at but they get to have an experience together and talk about things and it makes my mother so happy to see joy in his eyes.
Later we reframe whatever concepts don’t fit into our family dynamic.
Just a thought.
I am glad I’m not the only anti-Disney mom out there. Still haven’t been, and Disneyland is only 1/2 hour from here. For all the reasons you listed. (But I will probably take her once, just because.)
Wow! Your Dad called your Husband? Like you hadn’t talked about this with Mr. A ever and the two of you had not reached a decision together?
You are a better person than I. If ever, EVER, someone, especially a family member did that to me, I would be screaming at them. That is so far over the line, I do believe your Dad might be falling over the edge of a cliff.
Hey, I just need to call you out on improper usage of the term “wack”. I don’t believe it has a past tense. “Wack” is the only way it ever needs to be used. Not “wacked”. Unless you are talking about hitting people (understandable in the situation you describe) but I believe that would actually be “whacked”.
LMAO
I don’t get it, why do people always want to take little kids to Disney? A week at the park with little ones sounds like my own personal version of hell…no matter how much I might like the children. (Of course I say this as someone who’s never been to DW, has no desire to go to DW and didn’t have grandparents who’d ever in a million years offer such a trip. Not that they didn’t love me, I just suspect they probably shared my same thoughts on Disney + Little Kids.)
Fortunately for me, my parents got that out of their system-took all the grands to disney 6 mos before I adopted, and they have no desire to go back. I’ve never been and no desire, for all of the obvious reasons. Trying to raise my kids open mindedly, but very happy that S loves dinosaurs above else and spit out a hamburger last night (we’re vegetarian, but I let others feed my kids what they are eating). Naively hoping this is an indicator that disney mania will pass by us…
Can’t believe your father did that. Doesn’t matter what the subject, it’s really disrespectful to go around you like that. So sorry!
I was already pretty suspicious of the princess-industrial complex before I became a parent. But now that I have kids, especially a daughter? Boy howdy, am I starting to despise Disney.
And if one of my parents ever tried to go behind my back to my husband I’d be spitting nails. How frustrating!
I resisted taking my kids to Disney for a long time, but I did not want them to come back with “you NEVER took us to Disney”. We took them 2 years ago, at the ripe old ages of 7 and 10. That was actually a perfect age to go – we all had a good time, amazingly. Everyone could walk everywhere, no one needed naps, no one broke down.
My mom had wanted to take the kids earlier, but I reminded her of what my little brother was like at Disney at 4 (if I remember how miserable he was when I was not quite 7, it must have been bad). Luckily for me, she wasn’t nearly as pushy, but she did go with us when we went.
If it were me, I would probably let your parents take M, but say that L is still too little (so then you need to stay home with her). One of the best things my mom has done is to take my kids on a big trip with her – one on one. She took each of them to London when they were 10.
I agree with you completely! As for your dad calling your husband, that crossed a line and as a result of it I would use that as the excuse as to why they can’t take them this year. I also like what someone else posted about saying they are too little every year until middle school.
We went as kids with my Dad – who hated it. Not sure why my Mom stayed home. She may have been pregnant with my youngest brother. I don’t remember. Anyway – my Dad hated Disney and the whole idea of Disney. So we spent our time making fun of it and had a great time doing that. We were a little bit older than your girls though. That was all way before Snow White and Cinderella banned together as “princess”. That is the part that I have trouble with. It’s A Small World is creepy – but the princess gang is really out there.
Yes, You dad calling Mr A was terrible. I would be very miffed at my parents as well. M did have a great time last year (if I remember correctly) and you parents didn’t really break your rules about disney crap until Christmas. Maybe more direct Christmas instructions and letting M go have a great time with her grandparents again?
I say this as a Disney Lover though. We took our DD first at 18 months, we have gone bi-monthly since. We have seasonal passes. DD LOVES Disney, likes the princesses from afar, has NO love of dresses and can’t decide between being Captain Hook or Buzz Lightyear for Christmas. And is a month or 2 younger than L.
Of course I meant Halloween.
Oh and my mother wanted to take DD for a week this summer and I said absolutely NOT, so she just had my 18 month Nephew at Disney instead.
Hooray! I thought I was the last Disney curmudgeon left on the planet. Will not do. Nohow. Fortunately, my spouse feels the same and my parents are so not into that kind of thing. And–I’m a feminist and proud of it, but sadly, my daughter does fall prey to the Disney princess marketing.
Disney lover here! I wasn’t always. I hated the whole Disney concept until I was pretty much forced to go for a family reunion when I was thirty. I thought I would hate it but ended up loving it and have gone pretty much every year since that trip. I know I won’t be able to convince about how great it is so I won’t try. One thing though that I do want to share with you is the experience that your children and parents will have doing this with you and Mr. A. We took a vacation last year to DW with my dauughter and my in-laws. I truly worried that this wold be the most miserable experience but it turned out that we all had a great time. We spent more time playing in the pools than battling the crowds in the parks. Watching my 78 year old curmudgeon of a MIL play in the pool with my three year old daughter is a moment I won’t soon forget. It was truly a great trip because we were all together. Maybe you can go and let your parents battle the parks with the kids and you and Mr. A can play by the pool drinking fancy cocktails until they return. Just a thought.
Wow, can I pay your parents to take *my* kids to DisneyHell instead? That sounds like a win for all of us …
I agree your Dad should not have called Mr. A but in my humble opinion I would not stir up anything. Just matter of factly and sternly say Dad next time just talk to me not my husband OK.
I guess I have a high tolerance for grandparents because my parents are aging and have been the primary day care for my kids. There are lots of things I have to turn my head on but it is worth it to me in the end that they will remember their gp fondly and know how much they were loved by them. I also have to bite my tongue with my in-laws as well but again I am using the same philosophy.
I am neither a hater or a lover of Disney. We have been a few times with the kids and I just like that they have so much fun there. Do I like the whole princess thing (heck no).
Do not want to lecture or heck why would you even care what a random reader would say but I think I would say I will go if I do not have to personally go to a park. There is a lot of places around Orlando in driving distance and you and Mr. A could use it as alone time.
I would recommend the Discovery Cove for just the two of you or even Sea World is fun for everyone.
Hope if works out however you would like it to.
Disney Curmudgeons unite! Having moved to a town ~2 hours from Orlando, we’ve already witnessed the mania that seems to develop, and I’m not sure what’ll happen when our little ones enter the picture. I’ve been to D-land and D-world once each, on someone else’s dime or discount, and while I’ll admit that there’s an anthropological ‘oh, so this is what people talk about’ merit to them, they’re Just Not That Thrilling to me.
One of the most revealing comments I ever heard about Disney is that it’s a really appealling vacation for people who don’t want to think – you choose things beforehand, then follow their instructions for your time there. Autonomy is one of the things nearest and dearest to my heart, however, so this very quality totally turns me OFF of the Disney Experience. (Plus, their insanity WRT copyright.)
Hah – I was going to school you on the term “wack” – though Chicago beat me to it. I totally get the midwest way of dealing with these things reference. That’s how it is in my family. Oh, and a good does of telling you everything that’s wrong with you – this is often called “support” in my midwest circles as well. I’m neither here nor there about Disney – and the Princess cult sucked us in a while ago despite the themes which I just hate you’ve mentioned them here. We do our best to balance all the shit- but it’s hard sometimes. Your post cracked me up.
Oh, we are all Disney, all the time around here. Alex (age 6) has been to WDW at least 5 times, maybe more, courtesy of her grandparents (who foot the bill for all comers). My sister and her daughter, and Alex and I go. BIL and Allyson both think Disney World is Hell, and never go (plus I suspect both of them strongly agree with your bullet points). No one gives them any grief about not going, because we’d rather everyone be happy apart than everyone be miserable together.
I agree your Dad was way over the line – if anything, that would make me more determined not to go. The kids will have a fine time without you. If they do PhotoPass, and call you with the code, you can get daily photo updates of what they’re up to for free. Yes, there are plenty of things to do in the area, but spending most of the time apart sort of defeats the purpose of vacationing together.
the plot thickens….oh babe. I feel for you! I hate that place too- and you do have the right to make the call.
I really don’t get your parents’ thinking here. Why can’t they just take the kids somewhere other than Disneyworld? The objection you have is to Disney, right, not to vacations, or amusement parks.. these do exist in other places! And if they want you to go, wouldn’t they rather go somewhere where you’d be happier? This idea that every child needs the experience of going to Disneyworld or they will be deprived is pretty freaking ridiculous.
Wow, so many comments.
The one nice thing about having a boy is he hates the princess movies. (Well, there’s more than one nice thing.) He refuses to watch them.
I am like, how in the world is he ever supposed to know that his sole purpose in life is to save a damsel in distress if he doesn’t watch them? j/k
I’m eagerly waiting for Pixar to make a movie about a girl who is not a princess. Pixar movies are great, but they’re all about boys (or anthropomorphic representations of boys.) Mrs. Incredible was the closest it got, and while she’s awesome and my personal hero, I want more. More! Anyway, I am behind you 600% and would never go to Disneyhell, unless Clive Owen made it a condition of our evening together.
Do you think your parents might adopt me and take me to disney?????
it is a pretty expensive trip considering your girls are probably to small to do most of the rides- sure there will be stuff they can do but a lot of the rides/experiences have a height requirement….maybe use that as your out? Even if M can do some of the stuff it is likely that L won’t be able to do much…..we lived in Fl for 3.5 years- and did take the kids a few times…..get the experience of Disney without having to travel mentality. OUr kids are 8, 6 and 4 and 2 days at Disney with a day of beach/pool in between is about all they can handle- it is hot, long and lots of lines…..not exactly the happiest way to spend a day! hope that helps!
Meg
I can still remember pissing my parents off when they took me to Disneyworld when I was 7 and I told them my favorite part was the water slide back at the hotel. (it was a very cool waterslide)
I tooooooootally understand the Disney hatred although I do not share it. I was taken to D-land by my godmother (no parents) when I was seven? eight? and loved it. Went on the “It’s A Small World” after all. Took my kids when they were quite small, and probably every 2-3 years since then. They’ve always loved it, we’ve always had a good time, and not at all hellish.
The thing is, taking a kid to Disneyworld when they are small does NOT make them doomed to not be a feminist or politically astute when they grow up. You live with them every day, so a few days of that kind of influence does not skew them for life. Both of my kids are feminists, are individuals, not materialistic and just have their heads screwed on right.
And: if you ever have the chance to go to Disneyland CA, Disney California ROCKS.
Same with Barbies. They do not wield that kind of power. They just don’t.
Oh, having said all that, I do not think your parents are respecting you and your desires at ALL, and I think THAT is very wrong. Remind me of this when I’m a grandparent, OK?
I am so flipping excited when I asked my 3 year old what she wanted to be for Halloween and she said “A dragon! Roar!” Then I was disgusted that I had to go to the “boys” section of online shops to find one (except for one store that had a pink sparkly dragon costume for girls).
We feel the same way about Disney. For the cost of it, we could probably take the girls to Europe for a week. If the grandparents want to take them I suppose we’ll allow it but they won’t convince us to go. I would be livid if they tried to go around me and get to my hubby.
I didn’t go to Disney until I was in high school(and got to go twice), I went with the band for the Disney Magic Music Parade. We had to raise all the money ourselves and I had to get a part time job to get money to have in my pocket, we were very poor. I loved it, I was always jealous that my friends had been there when they were little. I think that the age was perfect, I wasn’t all into all the Disney characters, I mean I do have favorites but I didn’t want to bring home a whole bunch of childish crap. I was fascinated at how Mickey is in everything. I loved Epcot, it was the least Disney of course. I want to take my son to Disney and we are saving up. He is almost five and we will probably go when he is about 6. I think then he will be over loving the characters and be more into the rides and stuff. We may or may not stay on Disney property, it will be cheaper to stay away and now I may vomit at everything Disney.
On your parents, yeah totally out of line. I know that when we move closer to home in a few weeks, these things are bound to happen. They happen already when when went home for a vacation in June. (we currently live in TX but want our son to have the sense of close family like I did, so we are moving back to PA where the fam is.) My mother told my husband to get me in line so that she could take my son and do whatever they pleased. I was so pissed. My mom also likes to tell me how to parent my son which threw me over the edge…seriously, I almost left and drove back by myself. I think your parents should respect your view/opinion/request, and whether or not they agree does not matter. Way over the line, if it were me, we would be having a little talk.
I second XingXing’s wondering of why it has to be Disney; if your parents want to spend time with the girls on vacation, why not in a family resort hotel closer to home? As to your father attempting to have a manly chat with Mr A . . . I can’t even wrap my head around that behaviour. How deceitful and disrespectful!
I went to Disney once when I was twelve. I don’t like fast moving rides and am ambivalent on the subject of costumed characters, so for me the enjoyment was a bit stunted. I did like the backstage tours– you get to see some of the animation process (Mulan was in the works when we were there) and we took the Great Movie Ride, which takes you through the sets of several classic films and which I liked enough to ask if we could go on it again. That said, though, I agree with you on all your bulleted points. ESPECIALLY the merchandise crap; if my (future) daughters want to be princesses, they can do it in costumes WITHOUT face plastered to the bodice, and we can talk about the responsibilities of running a government and the pitfalls of an absolute monarchy– not waiting around in tulle and satin for some damn androgynous prince.
When/if children come along for me, I might consider doing Disney, but not on anything resembling a regular basis; I certainly don’t think it is a “must” experience for any child, and I think I would probably look for an off-grounds property where we could have access to more of what Florida has to offer than simply that which my friend (whose husband works for them) refers to as the Giant Evil Entertainment Corporation. Fortunately, the day on which I must make that choice is still a long way off!
I went for the first time ever as an adult – it’s astonishingly possible to spend chunks of time away from the princess aspect… for example, there’s the Foreign Countries are Really just Like Us with Different Food aspect.
Seriously, if you go there, stay at Animal Kingdom. Because Disney or not, having real giraffes in the courtyard that your porch looks onto is very cool.
I wish either my parents or my husband’s parents had cared enough about our children to want to take them ANYWHERE, never mind to Disneyland/World and foot the entire bill. I agree with some of your gripes about Disney, but holy cow! What I wouldn’t have given for my kids to have grandparents like your kids have! We took our eldest to Disneyland when she was nearly three and she went over the years at various times with school groups and friends. I’m ashamed to say our younger child didn’t go until he was thirteen, mostly because we couldn’t afford it, and both sets of grandparents (who COULD afford it) didn’t give a shit. Yes this annoys you, but count your blessings. You and your girls are very fortunate. Your parents could just as easily spend their money on a Hawaiian vacation for themselves (like my parents did) and regard spending precious time with their grandkids as a chore and waste of money. This is probably going to stir up a hornet’s nest, but it’s my opinion that you are being rather ungrateful.
Just wondering why this is a problem?? I guess it’s just perspective. I wish my parents were alive to take my kids ANYWHERE! Disney isn’t inherently evil. You’re thinking WAYYYY too much about this. Family time is family time Why not just roll with it while everyone is around to enjoy it with!!
When I first read your comment back when it was first posted, I thought, well, thank goodness this will NEVER happen to me! My parents hate Disney (they cut our family vacation there short b/c they just couldn’t take it – I think I was about 8 yrs old and had begged them relentlessly to go) so they’d never offer to take my 4 year old. My MIL could never afford such a trip, so mostly, I felt bad for you, but confident I would never face this same dilemma. Lo & behold, my MIL comes into some money (settles a lawsuit or something) and first thing she does is call us up and announce she wants to take ALL of us to DISNEY at CHRISTMAS! Just shoot me now. Several times, in the head, please. I plan on remaining poolside with a margarita for the duration…..Maybe I’ll see you there!
We live really close to Disneyland and our foster agency gave us passes this year. I can so relate to all of your concerns, and I feel conflicted every time we go. My daughter is only 3 and she is already obsessed with the princess thing, and I really worry about what kind of message it sends (about girls needing to be rescued, evil mothers, etc). I’ve avoided showing her any of the movies and I guess I’m trying to change the narrative a bit, but yeah . . . this post is convicting me a bit.
Wow I’m glad to know that my parents weren’t the only ones who didn’t want their kids exposed to Disneyworld! Strangely enough, I ended up going during my freshman year of high school on a chorus trip – my father went as a chaperone (surprisingly, not as horrifying as my 15-year-old self would have anticipated). However, I will have no desire to ever take my own kids, should I ever have them, there.
So I was talking to my cousin this weekend who has been begging us to do a big extemded family Disney trip for years now. I am not a Disney person but I am a family person and I know my son would love it and I’m all for family time, so I was trying to work with her, grumbling all the way. Then a friend told me a bout Disney Gay Days and I was sold! That way you get a healthy dose of subversive, right along with your Disney! Sounded like the perfect compromise between my and my uber conservative disney loving family. Win, win. So I’ll be braving Disney along with 12 relatives from June 1 – 7, 2010. Wish us luck.
I know this thread is ancient but I thought of this post when the conversation came up and I figured I’d share my solution in case it works for you.
[...] said much about my feelings regarding the big D lately (a sampling of previous rants here and here.), but I will just summarize them by saying it is amazing what parents will do for their [...]
[...] only reason we agreed to go to Disney was to get my parents off my back about it (and because they were funding 80% of the trip). We also really wanted to take M to the [...]