Last night at dinner, I was telling Mr. A a funny story about some teenagers in the park. I happened to mention they were using “bad words”. At the very mention of “bad words”, M’s eyes got big.
“Which word was it?” she whispered, “Was it the S.A. word?”
“What is the S.A. word?” I asked.
“Mama, YOU know,” she said “It means the MIDDLE FINGER.”
I pondered the S.A. word for a bit. I will admit I was a bit conflicted. Should I let M continue to think the middle finger is a word that begins with S.A., or should I let her in on the truth?
I decided to stick with my usual parenting philosophy of telling my kids the truth.*
“M, the middle finger word doesn’t start with S.A. It is spelled F.U.C.K.” I said.
“F.U.C.K.” She said slowly, “Really? I thought it was S.A.”
“No, there is no bad word that starts with S.A.” I told her.
M looked confused.
“Do you want to ask me a question? You can ask, it is ok.” I said.
“I can’t ask you because L will hear a bad word!” M said.
“Just whisper it, ” I said.
M looked very serious.
“What about …FUNKY?” she said sounding alarmed, “We say Daddy’s feet are FUNKY all the time!”
“Ohhh,” I said, “Not FUNK. F.U.C.K. rhymes with DUCK not DUNK.”
“Oh.” she said, “I’ve heard that word before. I didn’t know it was a bad word.”
“Well, now you know. Fuck is not a word for kids to say. It is a grown up word. Grown ups can say it, but kids can’t.” I told her.
“Why can grown ups say it, but kids can’t?” she asked disturbed by the injustice.
“That is just how it is. Fuck is like beer. It is only for grown ups. When you are grown up, you can say it if you want to, but until then, you can only think it in your head.”
“Oh. Ok.” said M. Then she ate the rest of her dinner in silence. She was probably thinking Fuck Fuck Fuck the whole time.