As those who follow my Twitter feed probably already know, I got myself all worked into a tizzy last night. I made the mistake of logging on to my old adoption agency’s website to look at their waiting children, at which point I read one child’s profile and promptly decided that maybe, MAYBE he was supposed to be ours.
I don’t know why I even logged on there in the first place, especially because Mr. A and I are supposedly D.O.N.E. adding children to this family. Actually, I do know why I looked. It was because I read a thread on some adoption message board lamenting the lack of available Chinese children for adoption which annoyed me. I just thought I would go and see for myself it that was true.
There were a bunch of kids on my agency’s waiting child list. A LOT. I won’t lie, some of them had very severe or multiple special needs. Others, though, had what seemed to be pretty manageable special needs. The little boy who caught my eye had two issues, neither of which were scary or a deterrent for me. Nor was his age, which was about 1 year younger than L.
Poor Mr. A. When he landed in Detroit on the first leg of his trip, he got a phone call from me basically saying “Hey, do you want another kid? There is a boy who seems very interesting.” To his credit, he neither called me crazy nor did he hang up on me. He asked for time to think and for us to discuss it when he gets home later this week. He also asked that I not give him any information about the specific kid in question. A request I honored, but with much difficulty.
I called my agency this morning to find out a little more information about their waiting child program. Fortunately, I learned that little boy’s file is currently being reviewed by another family. This is good news because now we can discuss the possibility without feeling like we are the only family willing to consider this kid. Hopefully, it will be easier to be rational without that little face in our minds.
And maybe this conversation will help cement what is next. Maybe we really are done? I am really happy in my life right now and I don’t necessarily feel like there is anyone missing in our family. On the other hand, I don’t feel like another kid is 100% out of the question. I have no idea what Mr. A might be thinking right now. We shall see, we shall see.
This is always an interesting conversation to have, I think.
The moreso when the spouse doesn’t shoot down the idea right away.
you have a lot of love to give. xoxooxoxxoox
That’s really interesting that Mr. A didn’t want information. I guess he’s making a decision about a child rather than this specific child and then moving the conversation from there? We’ve had a lot of somewhat similar conversations and I find them equal parts brutal, terrifying, and exciting. I hope you find the right resolution together.
So are you buying a slightly larger appointment book, just in case?
Good luck with this decision. Like so many others, it feels weighty in the moment but can be reversed or re-decided at another time.
I find myself doing that every few months as well. Don’t know what I’d do if a child catches my eye.
I have found myself browsing adoption web sites lately, with that “Hmmm, maybe” sort of attitude.
Maybe we really are done? I am really happy in my life right now and I don’t necessarily feel like there is anyone missing in our family. On the other hand, I don’t feel like another kid is 100% out of the question.
That’s pretty much where I am right now, except that, with having the one child, I’ve got that societal pressure to add to the family. I think part of it is recent comments from my grandmother about some of my daughter’s behaviors resulting from the fact that she “never sees other kids”. Sigh.
But anyway–not about me! Best of luck as you consider this.
Wow! I wish we could manage to adopt once more. I’d love to adopt a boy, and our agency is wonderful.
Jody’s last light is the one that makes me sad about my situation — K does NOT want any more children.
Anyhow… wow, this is truly unexpected! I didn’t even have time to comment on your previous post and then comes this. Wow. I’m sure the little boy would be a welcome addition to your family, in spite of the difficulties of having another child.
Oh, and I love Rachel’s humor there with the bigger appointment book.
An older child might need all the Chinese your family can have (providing he’s a mandarin speaker, I guess, which might not be the case at all). Anyhow… Mr. A doesn’t want you to share anything with him, did he say anything about not sharing with us? 
(not that you want or were planning to do it, of course, it’s just plain old curiosity!)
P.S. and this post title? Totally makes one think of pregnancy announcement or another child
I’m right there with you…wanting to look, wondering…not sure if the husband is totally on board yet. Can I ask what agency you used? Our last agency didn’t get accredited so we’d need to look at some others.
I would like another kid if I only had to do the easy parts (snuggling, playing, reading aloud.) Which makes me think I probably don’t want another kid. Probably. Maybe.
My husband’s pretty sure he doesn’t, though. We’re probably done.
Probably.
Yey for 3 kids…now we can put off that Jamaica vacation and really enjoy it when both our families are truly complete!!! How exciting. And little boys are just so precious!
LOL, I was just looking at waiting-child listings today too, despite having just decided that we’re not going to even think about adopting another for at least a year or two.
I read an article once about a family that had adopted a lot of children (like 7 or 8). Their agency called about a little boy they didn’t have a home for (domestic) and the mom went and picked him up that afternoon and agreed to adopt him, WITHOUT EVEN BEING ABLE TO DISCUSS IT WITH THE DAD! On one hand I thought that was totally wacked. On the other I thought it was the coolest thing ever. Good luck as you and Mr. A take a more restrained approach. I know you’ll figure out what it best, and I agree it is so much harder when there is a real child in question, not just a hypothetical #3.
I am in the same place as you. With 2 boys and finally beyond the crazy newborn and more of the enjoying my children phase and i often think that i want a 3rd in another year or 2. I want to wait until the little one is at least 3 but there are times where the one on one dynamic of parenting is so great that i don’t want to screw it up. I think it’s really smart that Mr.A is considering a 3rd child in general vs. a specific child.
That is just the most amazing post. I hope you decide what is best for your family but there seems to be oodles of love there for another child x
I have a good friend looking at a boy with your agency. I wonder…
I have had to ban myself from the waiting child photolistings for this very reason!
Ha – I do this once in a while too. The latest was about a month ago, a little girl in Taiwan who was only 3 months older than my younger son. She had very minor special need. I sent it to my mom and my husband and they both thought I was crazy. But I think I can talk him around to it one day, especially once the boys are older and potty trained…we’ll see.
[...] Conflicted Mr. A is out of town. Is there any surprise I ended up looking at our adoption agency’s waiting child list?* [...]