Lately, that is what L has been saying a lot.
All things “chinesey” have been a big topic for M too. Both girls are processing appropriate to their different developmental stages. It is challenging to make sure that we are getting to the root what they are saying when they are saying (yelling) it.
Recently, when L gets frustrated or upset she says “Let’s talk about CHINA!” as part of her yelling or talking about something completely unrelated. One night in the middle of a tantrum caused by waking in the wrong sleep cycle because she had to pee she yelled “No! I do not have to peepee! Let’s talk about CHINA! I have to peepee NOW!” I dont’ know if she really wants to talk about China or if she knows it is an easy way to make me stop and talk about the subject that she chose.
Just this week, I decided to show her some pictures to go with the stories we tell her about China (because I still haven’t finished her lifebook because I suck) and she is mesmerized. She especially likes watching a video we have of her with her nannies feeding her a bottle. She has been reading that Hippo book 3-4 four times a day and she obsessively asks about the page where the baby hippo is alone in the big ocean. “He all alone? Why? Why he all alone? He’s scared.” When she asks to hear about China, I tell her her story. I tell her about China. I try to answer her questions, but I don’t know if I am giving her what she needs.
L is also trying to figure out what “Chinese” means. We hear a lot of Chinese in M’s new Chinese classes. Because she is small and cute and practices her Chinese with them (at my prodding), she gets a lot of fawning attention there. She mostly recognizes when they are speaking Chinese (“they talkin’ Chinese?”), though she doesn’t seem to have any recognition of people looking Chinese if they happen to be Asian. In a very funny turn of events, the other day my friend J (who is white) came to visit. M’s old Chinese tutor was also named J, but she was Chinese. When J and I were talking, L said “Why she not speak English?” when obviously English is what J and I were speaking to each other. I wonder now if she thinks everyone named J should speak Chinese.
M is working on something completely different. If you ask her a logical question, she will acknowledge that she is half Chinese. We just went to this girl’s birthday party M again mentioned that both she and T are half Chinese. I asked her tonight at dinner if all Chinese people look a certain way and she looked at me like I was an idiot. “Well, NO. *I* have brown hair and *I* am Chinese. So does T and she is Chinese too!” she said. I think she understands that most Chinese people have black hair and she and T are exceptions, but she doesn’t want to acknowledge that her appearance doesn’t fit that categorization.
Other times, she seems to equate being “Chinese” with being a fluent speaker of Chinese. Because she knows her Chinese is not fluent, she seems to sometimes choose to not identify as Chinese at all. The other day, she was being very cranky about doing her Chinese homework and had a very out of character tantrum in which she yelled “I wish you never married Daddy, so then I wouldn’t have to do this DUMB CHINESE HOMEWORK!” Obviously, on that occasion she was identifying more with me than with Mr. A.
A few days later, at her her new Chinese class (where she is one of the top 3 in the class in comprehension and speaking because the other 7 kids are total beginners), she came up to me and stuck out her arm. “This is all the Chinese. ” She said. Then she pointed at her elbow and said “I know THIS much Chinese right now.” It was interesting that she chose about half as the amount she knows.
Your comment about your friend J coming over and “not speaking English” made me think about Fisher, just months after Tate was born. Our friend Nikki went to visit Patti with *her* newborn, Saffron. Fisher saw Saffy, looked at Nikki and said, “Why’s she have two hands?” Like little babies were all supposed to have only one hand.
Of course that’s not my story, it’s Patti’s….but as a person who is fascinated with developmental stages and relationships…it tickled me.
DD recently watched Kai Lan goes go China. While not being really about China – with the talking Pandas and everything – She also has been saying – Tell me something about China often. She’s already deciding what to pack when we go back for a visit (although that won’t be for a few more years). She’s also asked why she doesn’t have a heart box like Kai Lan. This seems to be her version of being Chinese right this moment. I have finished her life book but she doesn’t want me to read it often – she just likes looking at her baby pictures.
Don’t know if your kids are too young for this much specificity, but it might help to break down the word “Chinese” – which is problematic in English – into all the different things it can mean. Maybe using the Mandarin terms. I’m of the belief that the English word Chinese should *never* be used as a noun, is vague and a bit offensive, but even as an adjective it requires extra specificity.
ie, instead of “Chinese people”, should say ethnic Chinese (Hua or Han in Mandarin) versus Mainland Chinese nationals (Zhongguo Ren).
One can’t “speak Chinese” (and actually “Chinese” is no more a language than “European”, not that your kids probably need that much detail), one speaks a Chinese languague, usually Putonghua/Mandarin.
While that’s more sophisticated than even most Western adults want to bother with, the different meanings of “Chinese” might help them understand why they are Chinese and not Chinese at the same time.