As those who follow my Twitter feed probably already know, I got myself all worked into a tizzy last night. I made the mistake of logging on to my old adoption agency’s website to look at their waiting children, at which point I read one child’s profile and promptly decided that maybe, MAYBE he was supposed to be ours.
I don’t know why I even logged on there in the first place, especially because Mr. A and I are supposedly D.O.N.E. adding children to this family. Actually, I do know why I looked. It was because I read a thread on some adoption message board lamenting the lack of available Chinese children for adoption which annoyed me. I just thought I would go and see for myself it that was true.
There were a bunch of kids on my agency’s waiting child list. A LOT. I won’t lie, some of them had very severe or multiple special needs. Others, though, had what seemed to be pretty manageable special needs. The little boy who caught my eye had two issues, neither of which were scary or a deterrent for me. Nor was his age, which was about 1 year younger than L.
Poor Mr. A. When he landed in Detroit on the first leg of his trip, he got a phone call from me basically saying “Hey, do you want another kid? There is a boy who seems very interesting.” To his credit, he neither called me crazy nor did he hang up on me. He asked for time to think and for us to discuss it when he gets home later this week. He also asked that I not give him any information about the specific kid in question. A request I honored, but with much difficulty.
I called my agency this morning to find out a little more information about their waiting child program. Fortunately, I learned that little boy’s file is currently being reviewed by another family. This is good news because now we can discuss the possibility without feeling like we are the only family willing to consider this kid. Hopefully, it will be easier to be rational without that little face in our minds.
And maybe this conversation will help cement what is next. Maybe we really are done? I am really happy in my life right now and I don’t necessarily feel like there is anyone missing in our family. On the other hand, I don’t feel like another kid is 100% out of the question. I have no idea what Mr. A might be thinking right now. We shall see, we shall see.
