October « 2009 « American Family

M Describes the Family

M had a school assignment in which she had to give a short description of all the members of our family. This is what she said:

M: M loves to play. She spends most of her spare time reading.

L: L is the little sister. She is very interested in the things M does. She is very funny.

Daddy: Daddy is a hard worker. His father is from Taiwan, so he is Taiwanese.

Mama: Mama is a good cook. She is lots of fun. She is very good at commanding people to do things.

Heh.

Mama: a True Story

A little while back, I saw a review on Goodreads for Mama: a True Story (in which a baby hippo loses his mama during a tsunami, but finds a new home and a new mama.)

I read a couple reviews and decided to request the book from the library. I thought maybe the book would be a good segway into talking about adoption with L. My friend Peg saw that I added it on Goodreads and warned me that it was a really sad book that is sometimes used in grief work with children.

Today, I got the book. I was surprised that there are really only three words in the whole thing (Mama, baby and mmm.) I looked over the pictures and decided I would try reading it with L. We worked our way through the story. L isn’t the most verbally expressive kid, but she was clearly drawing connections between the baby hippo and her own story, even though I didn’t mention her adoption at all.

She recognized that the hippo and his mama were scared when they got separated. When the people brought the hippo to the “safe place”, she asked “Are there ayi’s there?” When we learned that the hippo found a new mama (a tortoise), she said “Like you?”

In the last picture, the baby is sleeping happily next to the tortoise, but in the background you can see the shape of the mother hippo, who is smiling. That picture was initially a little confusing for L. She thought the hippo was happy because the hippo mama was there. I had to tell her no, the hippo mama was only there in spirit or in the baby hippo’s imagination. But the mama hippo was smiling because she wants her baby hippo to be safe and loved even if she can’t be there. She is happy that the tortoise is taking care the baby hippo — that the baby hippo has a new mama since she can’t be there. L seemed to be pondering that very seriously.

In just our first go-around with the book, I can see that there are a lot of ways that is a great springboard for talking about loss and adoption. I was initially annoyed that the story wasn’t there in text, but that left it open for us to have a discussion rather than me reading while L passively received the story. I don’t usually recommend products on my blog*, but this book seemed like it might be something other people might appreciate too.

*With the exception of my Magic Light, which I rave about every year in the fall. FYI, it is working fabulously this year too.

Unexpected

As those who follow my Twitter feed probably already know, I got myself all worked into a tizzy last night. I made the mistake of logging on to my old adoption agency’s website to look at their waiting children, at which point I read one child’s profile and promptly decided that maybe, MAYBE he was supposed to be ours.

I don’t know why I even logged on there in the first place, especially because Mr. A and I are supposedly D.O.N.E. adding children to this family. Actually, I do know why I looked. It was because I read a thread on some adoption message board lamenting the lack of available Chinese children for adoption which annoyed me. I just thought I would go and see for myself it that was true.

There were a bunch of kids on my agency’s waiting child list. A LOT. I won’t lie, some of them had very severe or multiple special needs. Others, though, had what seemed to be pretty manageable special needs. The little boy who caught my eye had two issues, neither of which were scary or a deterrent for me. Nor was his age, which was about 1 year younger than L.

Poor Mr. A. When he landed in Detroit on the first leg of his trip, he got a phone call from me basically saying “Hey, do you want another kid? There is a boy who seems very interesting.” To his credit, he neither called me crazy nor did he hang up on me. He asked for time to think and for us to discuss it when he gets home later this week. He also asked that I not give him any information about the specific kid in question. A request I honored, but with much difficulty.

I called my agency this morning to find out a little more information about their waiting child program. Fortunately, I learned that little boy’s file is currently being reviewed by another family. This is good news because now we can discuss the possibility without feeling like we are the only family willing to consider this kid. Hopefully, it will be easier to be rational without that little face in our minds.

And maybe this conversation will help cement what is next. Maybe we really are done? I am really happy in my life right now and I don’t necessarily feel like there is anyone missing in our family. On the other hand, I don’t feel like another kid is 100% out of the question. I have no idea what Mr. A might be thinking right now. We shall see, we shall see.

M Describes the Family

Mama: a True Story

Unexpected

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