Have these questions really only been going on for nine days? It seems like more than that. Let’s see if I can pound out the last few.
Alice asks a variety of things:
Any thoughts on what life would be like were you and the family in a more progressive place, like SF? (Asked the lady who moved from Oakland to Florida.) Also, thoughts on whether your background in and position on sex ed have come up at all with M’s friends’ families, or if it’s a non-issue. Lastly, any thoughts on your life and work outside your home (paid, unpaid, volunteer, self-directed, etc.?)
I do wonder sometimes what life would be like if we had stayed in San Francisco. Then I remember it would mean that Mr. A would work even more ridiculous hours and my parents wouldn’t be available to babysit for free whenever I want. AND I would have to get a job so we could afford to live there. AND we would have to live in a small apartment. That would suck.
Seriously, though, if we lived in SF I would send the girls to a Chinese immersion school. That would be a real plus. Also, I would eat more dim sum, sushi and banh mi because it is cheaper there. I don’t think the composition of our circle of friends would change much though. While it took a while to find them here, my friends tend to skew toward the liberal/progressive side of the political spectrum, so I can’t imagine that would be much different. Due to the nature of his current job, Mr. A is also surrounded by hoards of liberals. We don’t fraternize much with the conservatives who make up a chunk of our states’ general population. Call us segregationists if you must.
So far, the sex ed thing hasn’t come up with M’s friends directly yet. I, however, have the enviable role as the person who loans out my kids’ sex ed books to all my friends. I have also volunteered to be the House of Condoms when all our kids get older. If it bothers my friends, they haven’t let on yet. Lucky for them, we got rid of those penis models or else they would be subjected to those too.
I occasionally think about work, but I am still not feeling even slightly motivated. I volunteer a little at M’s school. Once L goes to elementary school, I imagine I will probably do some additional volunteer work at a local nonprofit. Ideally, that would involve a board position, but I would need to do some groundwork to make that happen. Right now, I am happy in my life of almost-leisure.
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Peg asks:
Christmas! Tell me about Christmas! (Read: write my four-year-old’s Christmas list, please)
Peg wants suggestions for her 4 year old son’s xmas list. I think by age 4, girls and boys start to really differentiate toy-wise. Anyone with boys have suggestions? So far, the only thing I know L is getting is the creepy Elmo Tickle Hands. She will love them, but they seem so perverted to me.
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S’s Mom asks:
What do you plan to do to “combat” (so to speak) your kids being pursued romantically in the future because they are Asian, and all the stereotypes based on that? I think this is a common problem, more common than most white people realize. And in the alternative, not being pursued and ruled out as a romantic partner simply they are Asian.
I think that we will definitely try to address that issue head-on and integrate it into the conversations we will have about what makes a good partner. I don’t think enough people have those conversations with their kids, but in addition to modeling a healthy relationship, I plan to talk to them about what makes it work so it is good for both of us. We talk about race a decent bit already, so wouldn’t be unusual for these topics to come up. I can imagine I would probably want to start talking about it a bit when they are youngish, maybe 12 or so.
Oops, I just realized there were some follow up questions on the other posts, too. I will try to dig back in and get to those too.
feel free to teach my kid all you want about sex.
I’ve never had any problems w/ family or friends re: the sex thing (by age five mine could probably have drawn a diagram!LOL) but it did bite me in the ass a few times at school. One was when she took her book ( the VERY age appropriate one…she had another one that was still age appropriate in my opinion but more umm…”informative”) to school in fourth grade to explain something to a friend and the friend’s mother accused the school of allowing pornographic material (huh?)…the other was when she was younger and broke the news to a friend at school that babies don’t grow in tummies and that they come down the vagina which is not the same as the vulva oh…and by the way…Santa doesn’t exist.
We had to have a little talk about not “enlightening” other kids and leaving it for their parents to discuss. Still…it bugs me that everything is turned into something dirty or that can’t be discussed…”House of Condoms” too funny! I’m waiting for the day mine gives hers away and I’ll be getting yet another call from the schools!
Kid K’Nex are awesome awesome awesome for four year olds. I tried to discipline my son by taking away all toys except K’Nex and crayons and it took him 2 WEEKS to notice there were no other toys around. We buy them in bulk on Ebay.
Four was the age when my older son started getting into the regular (as opposed to Duplo) Legos. He was starting to be able to assemble the simpler kits at that age (with some help, of course). Also, Playmobil was popular at that age (and at 7 he still plays with it).
LOVE the idea of you all as the house of condoms. Seriously, though – it was great for me that I started having boy/girl sex in college, since the $$ for condoms would have been a moderate issue if I needed to buy them. (I still remember the culture shock of leaving school and realizing that I had to BUY condoms now. Yay for monogamy and the IUD.
Thanks for so many answers!
I find this interesting as I was recently having a discussion with a good friend who’s 14 year old daughter (adopted from China as an infant) is going through a very difficult time in that none of the boys want to ‘date’ her (obviously 14 year olds don’t date, but ya’ll know what I mean…like her) BECAUSE she is Asian. I was shocked. She is beautiful, smart, funny and talented. She is popular and has lots of friends….but none of the boys she knows ‘like’ her, and she has no doubt – nor does her mother – that it is because she is Asian.
Oh, and btw, we live outside of Miami, so clearly we live in a very racially diverse area.
Thank you for your answer to my question!
For Peg:
Planes, trains, and automobiles (awesome movie). Anyway, my son was starting to get interested in remote control cars. I think it is Playskool who makes a beginner type of remote control car, it has 2 buttons and if it hits an object (like a wall) it will flip over and keep going. Pretty cool. Building stuff, things that make obnoxious noises like dinosaurs, he started liking animals so we have a ton of weird animals laying around. Hope that helps.
To Mary:
Miami, though it is a “diverse” area as you say, doesn’t mean it is Asian-friendly. You are equating the presence of non-white people with an assumption that Asian Americans and Asians are accepted there. I’ve been to Miami several times and have found in my personal experience (I am a third-generation “assimilated” Asian American with no accent – in case you are wondering) that there is a lot of racial animosity towards Asians. People of every color can be racist.