Comments on: Conspicuous http://american-family.org/2010/02/04/conspicuous/ Thu, 24 May 2012 00:31:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jessica http://american-family.org/2010/02/04/conspicuous/comment-page-1/#comment-143837 Jessica Wed, 10 Feb 2010 06:37:09 +0000 http://american-family.org/?p=2632#comment-143837 @ june > Ah, yes. You gotta love > Chinese people. Zero tact. That's a little harsh and uncalled for. What Chinese people consider to be socially acceptable is just different from what you consider to be appropriate. @ june

> Ah, yes. You gotta love
> Chinese people. Zero tact.

That’s a little harsh and uncalled for.

What Chinese people consider to be socially acceptable is just different from what you consider to be appropriate.

]]> By: Violet http://american-family.org/2010/02/04/conspicuous/comment-page-1/#comment-143229 Violet Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:08:29 +0000 http://american-family.org/?p=2632#comment-143229 Even if the cashier was giving you a straight compliment (which you do deserve! teaching kids to be bilingual is a big effort but having more than one language without the hard slog of lessons as an adult is brilliant) I think it still only happened because you are white and L is not, so I can see how it might make you feel weird. It does have the underlying message that you'd be letting L down if she didn't speak any Chinese - but your husband's Chinese family would have been less likely to have the same judgement from strangers when he was a kid even though they didn't think it was important to teach him Chinese. (I get this impression from some of your posts.) Anyway, thank goodness you gave that nugget of adoption advice. Even if the cashier was giving you a straight compliment (which you do deserve! teaching kids to be bilingual is a big effort but having more than one language without the hard slog of lessons as an adult is brilliant) I think it still only happened because you are white and L is not, so I can see how it might make you feel weird. It does have the underlying message that you’d be letting L down if she didn’t speak any Chinese – but your husband’s Chinese family would have been less likely to have the same judgement from strangers when he was a kid even though they didn’t think it was important to teach him Chinese. (I get this impression from some of your posts.)

Anyway, thank goodness you gave that nugget of adoption advice.

]]> By: mccxxiii http://american-family.org/2010/02/04/conspicuous/comment-page-1/#comment-143193 mccxxiii Fri, 05 Feb 2010 14:40:33 +0000 http://american-family.org/?p=2632#comment-143193 I'm with S and Kendra ... it sounds to me like the guy at the restaurant was being nice. I read that story as a sweet interaction, not as something judgmental. That other lady though ... just straight-up crazy. I’m with S and Kendra … it sounds to me like the guy at the restaurant was being nice. I read that story as a sweet interaction, not as something judgmental.

That other lady though … just straight-up crazy.

]]> By: Tracy http://american-family.org/2010/02/04/conspicuous/comment-page-1/#comment-143191 Tracy Fri, 05 Feb 2010 14:31:57 +0000 http://american-family.org/?p=2632#comment-143191 Kendra, I see your point, but to me the interaction was negative because it suggests she would be a *bad* mother if her daughter couldn't speak Chinese. And I disagree with that opinion. Kendra, I see your point, but to me the interaction was negative because it suggests she would be a *bad* mother if her daughter couldn’t speak Chinese. And I disagree with that opinion.

]]> By: Kendra http://american-family.org/2010/02/04/conspicuous/comment-page-1/#comment-143190 Kendra Fri, 05 Feb 2010 14:27:22 +0000 http://american-family.org/?p=2632#comment-143190 I'm with your noter "S's Mom." I was actually thinking that the interaction with the cashier was kind of sweet. It reminded me of stories that I read from another blogger, one who is Caucasian with an African-American daughter. She has said that she regularly feels like she is passing some sort of test with African-American women in the community who are happy to see that she knows how to fix her daughter's hair -- but she isn't bothered by it; she wants them to know that she knows what to do. Although I can understand that it might feel like being judged, I also think that these adults (NOT including the teacher in the earlier part of your story) are just glad to see that their culture/heritage isn't being ignored in an adopted child's upbringing. Maybe there was a more unpleasant vibe to the interaction, but it didn't sound bad to me the way that you wrote it. I’m with your noter “S’s Mom.” I was actually thinking that the interaction with the cashier was kind of sweet. It reminded me of stories that I read from another blogger, one who is Caucasian with an African-American daughter. She has said that she regularly feels like she is passing some sort of test with African-American women in the community who are happy to see that she knows how to fix her daughter’s hair — but she isn’t bothered by it; she wants them to know that she knows what to do. Although I can understand that it might feel like being judged, I also think that these adults (NOT including the teacher in the earlier part of your story) are just glad to see that their culture/heritage isn’t being ignored in an adopted child’s upbringing. Maybe there was a more unpleasant vibe to the interaction, but it didn’t sound bad to me the way that you wrote it.

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