This is really quick because I am recovering from L’s 2.5 hour occupational therapy evaluation (seriously, that is a freaking LONG time). I am planning a post about that soon, but probably not this afternoon.
But in response to a couple comments on the last post:
What I actually think was going on at the Chinese restaurant is that the guy was saying to L: “I see you and you are one of us, even though you have that white mom.”
That doesn’t bother me at all. Having been with Mr. A for a billion years now, I am familiar with that checking-in process that he gets from other Asians and particularly other Chinese Americans who we meet in passing. It is like that “I see you” nod from across the room, only L is little so you have to actually talk to her.
Actually, I am really GLAD when L is acknowledged and claimed by Chinese adults. M too, for that matter.
The part that was kind of funny about it was that I am pretty sure the guy was thinking some not-so-flattering things about me as a white mom to a Chinese kid. Again, as someone who doesn’t claim to be able to teach my kid how to be Chinese (because I am not Chinese), I understand his unspoken criticism. He is right, what business do I have raising a Chinese kid?
It was just when I repeated the questions he asked with what I hope were decent tones and knowing what he had said, I think he looked pretty surprised. (I had to repeat them because he had a bit of a dialecty accent in Chinese and L barely recognizes standard Mandarin, not to mention the fact that she is three and generally unwilling to talk to strangers unless prodded.)
So I think when he saw that L was clearly learning Chinese, he was impressed. I think even if he was not impressed by our Chinese skills, he was pleased that I was making an effort for L to learn Chinese at all. The “You are a very good mother.” comment was funny because I think he was thinking I wasn’t a good mother right before that (or at least not a good mother for L).
I think you left L’s full name in the post here.
You’re right about 3′s not liking to talk to strangers. I’m surprised she didn’t just hold up 3 fingers.
Ni neng shuo Zhongwen?
Wo jiu hui shuo yidian putonghua.
Mostly I have the vocabulary of a 2year old. Colors,numbers,animals,basic pleasantries.
Ah… ni you kandao “Qiao Qian Jin”? 巧千金
Ni keyi yong “Youtube” zhaodao tamen. Wo juede tamen de ge 歌 hen wan!
You used L’s name in the 5th paragraph. I’m not sure how sensitive you are to that, so I just wanted to let you know.
We had a similar exchange at Target today with the woman who worked at the check-out. Sadly, Ellie doesn’t know much beyond hello, goodbye and thank you, but the woman was delighted to exchange even just a small conversation. I agree that while interactions with random strangers can bother me, it honestly never bothers me when Chinese adults attempt to interact with Ellie.
We also experience the “checking in process” since my DH is Korean when we enter Korean businesses or other Asian owned businesses. Our youngest child was adopted from Korea so I am also happy that she and her big brother are claimed and acknowledged by the Korean owners/patrons too.
I enjoy reading your blog because it is hard to find families in the same kind of situation as my own family’s makeup. Thanks and keep on blogging.
Okay, let me add my own two cents, from my own special circumstances: I get this all the time, too, here in Tokyo, whenever I’m out with my (biological) kids and they say something appropriately polite/correct in Japanese. People act surprised, and then the white lady is complimented for her good mothering.
The odd thing is, I usually hasten to disclaim it, and say they must have learned the Japanese from their father, because I only speak English to them, NEVER Japanese. I am all too eager to shove in their faces what I personally think a good mother does, which in my particular case is emphasizing her native tongue rather than letting the Japanese brain worm eat all of their English.
I know my situation is different — but the tribal recognition/approval part is similar.