Today, I had a meeting at L’s school to talk about the results of some developmental evaluations. While the outcome of the meeting was interesting, I ended up annoyed by not one, but two stupid comments.
L’s teacher means well. She tells me all the time that L is such a sweet little girl. L is sweet and easygoing and the teacher likes her a lot. Unfortunately, on two separate occasions the teacher has said “L is SO cute and sweet! I guess you’ll have to keep her!” Both times, she said this in front of L.
Is it really rocket science to think that it might not be a good idea to imply to a kid who has already lost one set of parents that we might not keep her if she is not sweet and cute? I let it slide the first time, but now I am going to have to write a note to the teacher because I was so surprised I failed to correct her during the meeting. I hate confrontations like that, but it has to be done.
At the very same meeting, I was the unhappy recipient of an even dumber comment. I was telling the OT that L will never recline while watching TV, nor will she allow herself to be positioned in a way that makes her head sideways or leaning while she has to look at something. If you as me and my Google-educated opinion, this probably indicates a vestibular and vision issue.
The OT did not seem at all concerned about L’s refusal (since babyhood) to lay down on her side or recline. Instead, she told me this could be a “good thing” because she “has noticed that Asian kids tend to have very high levels of muscle tone. It could just be that she likes to have good posture.” Then she wondered if anyone had ever done studies on Asians and their high tone issues.
That was the moment when the OT lost all credibility with me.
Seriously, L does have decent muscle definition, but anyone can see that asking her to do these things cause discomfort. She isn’t trying to sit up straight on a bean bag chair because it feels comfortable. She is doing it because it is less uncomfortable than leaning is for her.
Asian muscle tone, my ass.
Maybe she has hypertonia. OT’s are so used to hypotonia that I think hypertonia surprises them. Also, would get an OUTSIDE OT opinion. Also, might want to check our a neuro optomotrist. we will be going to padula vision institute
Yeah, we will get our outside OT evaluation results next week. The other OT and I have discussed possible vestibulo-ocular reflex issues and other vestibular possibilities, so we will see what her final report says. L is already doing vision therapy, so it seems logical that they are related.
Muscle definition? That’s a brand new one I’ve never heard before. Someone should tell that to my flabby arms.
Oy.
Well my Asian Kid has hypotonia. So that theory, yeah not soo much.
Wow! So a 4 year old ‘just likes to have good posture’? That doesn’t sound like much thought went into that.
I bet the teacher says that ‘keep her’ comment to all the parents and has no thought that it is insensitive in this case – I’m glad you’re writing a note! You’re really doing the teacher a favour.
The “keep her” comment was thoughtless, but the “Asians have better muscle tone” comment???? UNBELIEVABLE. Wow. Just…wow.
i tell people all the time that they (or their kids) are “keepers” (for doing awesome, thoughtful things, not being “cute and sweet”), but i guess i’ll have to work on that…
By the way, there is a special field of neuro-ophthalmology within ophthalmology – maybe if the evals did not include it, a consult with someone in that field would be worthwhile? It sounds very relevant to the issues you are thinking about.
their national society – http://www.nanosweb.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3280
Hee hee heee-eee — she said it to AmFam — I’m still laughing (Not that it isn’t terrible, because it is, but of ALL the people to drop your pants and show your Asian-stereotyping ass to?)
Of course she has good muscle tone. It makes up for the inability to drive.
(Hope it’s obvious that I’m kidding!)
I can top these. In getting one of our sons speech therapy we met extreme resistance on the part of the school district’s speech therapist. Examples of things she said to us were that the hard G sound isn’t used in Chinese so we can’t expect him to make that sound, she implied that the shape of the mouth evolves over 1000′s of years of a culture making certain sounds.
She asked us if our two youngest boys were brothers? And the kicker… “They’re lucky they’re boys, they kill the girls you know.”
Needless to say our next meeting was with her boss.
I could write a book of stupid comments! I especially love the “will she speak Chinese when she talks talking?” question asked by a teacher.
And, when I showed someone the infamous White Swan couch photo, “weren’t you afraid to put them all the couch? What if you didn’t get the right baby back?”
What the hell?
Wow.
I had to deal with a (somewhat) similar issue at Small Son’s preschool this term. One of the teachers from another room had been saying “you’re so cute, I’m just going to take you home with me” to him and though he knew it was a “joke”, it was causing him anxiety. I am still surprised at how adults don’t seem to realize the impact their words might have. Fortunately, we had a good outcome with the situation and everything was resolved without ruffling feathers. I hope the same is true for you.
Our OT told me that our son’s bizarre rigid half-reclined postures were nothing to worry about because “lots of African-American boys have high muscle tone.” Picture someone laying on a chaise lounge, propped up reading a magazine. Now make the chaise lounge disappear and watch the person remain in that ab-crunching pose for twenty minutes, for no apparent reason. Yeah, I see black guys sitting like that all the time…
@ Scott O
Please tell me you’re joking… or this happened in 1950???
How can a professional therapist actually be that clueless?