Churches

Violet asks:

You talked before about the possibility of you and Mr A looking for a church you could both agree on. Is this on the back burner for now or do you think you’ll look into it? I’m wondering how important (if at all) you think it is for you and Mr A to have similar thoughts on this.

It has been a while since the church issue has come up around here.  For awhile there, it seemed like it was popping up over and over and over.  I honestly don’t feel like anything is missing in my life without church.  (Actually, I actually rejoice in the fact that I don’t have to be anywhere on Sundays.)

My personal feeling was that I didn’t want the kids to go to church unless Mr. A or I were with them.  Since I have no interest in church nor am I a Christian, that put the ball squarely in Mr. A’s court.  When the big church bruhaha was happening with my mom, Mr. A claimed he was going to take the girls to church himself so they could learn HIS version of Christianity not hers..  It has been about 2.5 years and so far, he has taken the girls to church exactly ZERO times.  Apparently he doesn’t care enough to do it either.  I doubt he is ever going to do it.

I am not asking his opinion before I answer this question because I don’t want him to get any church-going ideas in his head again.  I like having our weekends free.  If the girls want to go to church when they are older, I think we would probably take them to a United Church of Christ, Methodist or Unitarian church.  (My personal preference being for a pro-choice church).

More on Debt

I started to answer some of the school loan comments in the comments section, but it might make more sense to answer them as their own post because several comments had overlapping themes.

On Working while in College:

Both Mr. A and I worked while we were undergrads (we met working at the same restaurant), which is how we both managed to afford traveling (Mr. A on a trip to Europe and then to China for a year. I backpacked in Europe, lived in Cambodia for 3 months and visited Mr. A in China). I absolutely expect the girls to work while they are in college.

I actually want them to get jobs in Jr. High (papergirls?) and high school so we can start contributing to a Roth IRA in their names asap.  (Seriously, click that link. Compounding interest is mindblowing!) They need to earn actual income for us to be able to do that, so they will be working. Work builds character. It will be good for them to appreciate the amount of effort that goes into making a living wage.

On parenting/my parents and money:

My parents wouldn’t talk to us about money either.  I developed a deep-seated fear of debt from listening to their whispered adult conversations about money when I was very little. They were pretty hard up  when I was very young because they both went to college after I was born (my dad on an athletic scholarship and my mom with loans).  I think my mom finally graduated when I was about 8 years old.  After that, our family’s financial circumstances improved quite a bit.

It turns out my parents managed their money very well and were very financially conservative(especially considering they were teen parents!) but the debt-phobia had already taken root in me.  It wasn’t until two years ago when I accidentally saw their tax return that I figured out how much money my parents made each year.  I am sure they would be horrified to find out that I know.

We are already working on teaching the girls to be financially responsible.  M has to split her $7 allowance and put 25% aside for charity and 25% away for long-term savings.  She also just opened her first savings account and likes to tell me each week how much she has saved already.


Retirement vs. Paying for the girl’s college:

I am incredibly uncomfortable having any kind of debt.  I have just come to accept that in our circumstances it is a necessary evil.  If we can help the girls avoid the burden of  school loan debt, I would like to do that.  Our debt has certainly impacted the job and career choices we have made (i.e. we always need to make enough to live and pay down our debt.)  That being said, I expect that they will probably want to attend graduate or professional school and they will have to fund that themselves if they burn through the amount we agree to give them.

One thing that makes me fairly comfortable with the idea of paying for 4 years of college for each girl is the likelihood that Mr. A’s income is going to continue to rise in the next 10 years before they go to school.  It isn’t 100% certain, but given his current career trajectory and employability, it is very probable.  It is also quite likely his final 20 years of employment it will likely be much, much higher than his income now (Conservatively speaking, maybe more than four times his current salary?).

Even though we know we will probably have more money in the future, we maintain our current standard of living with the income we have right now with no consumer (credit card) debt.  We save for retirement like this is the amount we will always earn and this is the amount we will need to live at our current lifestyle in retirement.   One of the reasons we want to buy our final house now is to lock in our housing expenses forever (or at least until Mr. A retires and I demand we spend part of the  year somewhere warm).   When (or if!) our financial circumstances change, we will adjust accordingly.  Whenever we have more income, we will save more for retirement and college and pay down debt faster.

The Motherfluffing School Debt

Still going slightly out of order…

Angie asks:

You’ve talked many times about your school debt. Now with hindsight, is there another you would have/could have paid for college and grad school? And do you plan to pay all of the college expenses for you girls? How are you working toward this? Good thing you don’t mind talking about your finances!

Just for you, my darling readers, I went and looked up exactly how much Mr. A and I owe in school debt right now.  I hope you appreciate it, because now I am having an anxiety attack about debt.  I hate debt.  I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Right now, this is the state of our grad school loans:

My Grad School debt:  $15,221

+

Mr. A’s Law School debt: $54,573

_________________________

Combined (oh my effing gosh):       $69,794

So about 10 years after Mr. A graduated from law school and 7 years after I finished grad school, we still owe about 70 grand.  Sadly, this is much less than we originally owed.  I think Mr. A got out of school with $120k and I think I owed about $33k (several thousand of which was borrowed to cover the rent while Mr. A went on his big bike trip….dumb, dumb, dumb.)  The really good news about this debt is that it is all government loans and the interest rates are super low  ( I think around 5% for Mr. A and 2.7% for me).    We pay $315 and $353 each month.  At this rate, my loan would be gone in about 5 years and we will have Mr. A’s loan FOREVER.  (The length of his loan repayment doesn’t bother me that much because if he ever dies, his loans evaporate so neither I nor his estate will be responsible for them.)

All those loans are for grad school and law school.  Both Mr. A and I had full-ride + living expenses scholarships for our undergraduate degrees because we were National Merit Scholars.  (We both had the same scholarship…does that mean we were meant to be?)

If I could go back in time and change things, I don’t know if I would have gone to grad school at all.  If I had known I wasn’t going to work once I had kids, I probably would have waited and gone to grad school once they went to elementary school full-time.  I didn’t have the slightest inkling I would quit work, so I made what I thought was a responsible decision at the time.

I probably still would go at some point because my degree has been an insurance policy that has always made it very easy for me to get a job.  (My degree is a Masters in Nonprofit administration and there aren’t many of them around here, but I also recognize I have never had to job search in an economy like this one!)  If anything happens to Mr. A or to my marriage, I am glad I have that degree to help me get my foot in the door at a job.

If I could, I would go back and try to borrow less money to pay for school.  Maybe I would have asked my parents to kick in the money they didn’t spend on my undergraduate degree (they paid for 4 years at a state school for my sister and would have paid that amount for me if I hadn’t had a scholarship.)  I might also have paid more money down each month (like an extra $50).

Mr. A’s degree was stupid expensive, but totally worth it.  He went to a top-tier law school and did pretty well, so he has never had a problem finding a job and has always been paid pretty well for the work he does.  I wish he had spent a little less time at “bar review” (aka drinking with other law students) with his loan money, but as an investment, his degree has really paid off.

We have made trade-offs on other financial goals that meant paying down our school loans faster has been put on the back burner.  Since I was about 26 and Mr. A and I combined our money, I have always put the maximum amount in my 403B each year I worked.  I think that is $13,000 a year, pre-tax.  Mr. A maxes out his 401K at that amount too.  My parents put $2,000 a year in a Roth for me when I was 20-25 too.  I just checked our retirement accounts and it looks like we have a little over $150,000. With compounding interest and all that jazz, that should be a nice chunk of change if we keep adding to it.  We are 34 and 37, so Mr. A still has about 30 good working years left in him.  (I hope!)

If you measured the amount I hate debt and compared it to Mr. A’s obsession with retirement planning, it would be about equal, so we are always going back and forth about this issue.  Because our loan interest rates are so low, I think we made the right choice saving for retirement while we pay them down.  If we hadn’t had kids so soon after school (or lived in San FranFreakingExpensive before we had them), I think we would have paid them down sooner, though.

For the girls, we hope to be in a position ot fully pay for their undergraduate degrees.  I expect that to cost about $200,000 in today’s money for each of them (i.e $200,000 plus inflation).  We contribute $75 monthly to a 529 fund each month for each of them.  My parents make generous contribution each year and most of their birthday gift money goes into those accounts.  Right now, they have about $18,000 combined which would be enough for one kid to go to school for maybe one semester (depressing!).  If they get scholarships or choose to go to a state school, I think we would give them the remaining money for graduate school.  The same goes for learning a trade that would provide a good job skills and make them employable.  That money is only allocated for education though. No fancy weddings or round the world trips funded by us.

I don’t expect the 529 money to reach $200,000 by the time they get to school.  Hopefully, in 10-12 years when M heads off to college, Mr. A will be earning more money than he is earning now.   If he doesn’t earn enough to fully pay for it out of pocket, I might be willing to get a part-time job (or even full time, the horror!) to pay the difference.  Maybe.

I will admit this has been a difficult post to write honestly.  I waffle between feeling A) OK about our financial choices and worrying that other people will feel annoyed that I am sharing them and B) worried that people who have more will think we should be doing much better given the amount of income we have.

Any way you want to look at it, Money=Stress.