Going back to my post about L and school…
The thing about L is that one day she seems like a total mess and other days she is completely fine.
The very same week I had a melt-down about her complete failure at circle time at her IEP meeting, I went to her end of the year party. At the party, despite the chaos and noise, L was amazingly perfect. Other times I have visited her in the classroom, she appeared completely shut-down (mouth sagging, unengaged, worried-looking). At the party, she was lively. She played the games happily. She **sang the songs and did the hand motions** in circle time. She was totally herself.
It is entirely possible she acted that way to make me look like a total asshole. Heh.
Mr. A and I are not exactly sure what we should do. We had been leaning toward requesting a different teacher for next year, but after seeing L so comfortable with her classmates & teachers, I am reluctant to uproot her. L is very slow to warm up to new adults (and kids too), so it might be better for her to start the year in a familiar environment? We have also decided to let the IEP from the meeting stand for now because it does address some areas where we have concerns. Once school begins in the fall, I will go in and observe her every 2 weeks or so to see how she is doing. If she looks shut-down, I will call another IEP meeting.
In one stroke of good news: L graduated from Vision Therapy last week! She had worked really hard in therapy and I am so pleased with the progress she has made. Her tracking (visual pursuit) issue is resolved and she tested at an age appropriate level for visual-motor skills where she was previously over a year delayed. She is still catching up on some areas that were behind due to her previous vision problems (visual memory, visual attention, spatial skills). These skills are falling into place rapidly now that she has a solid foundation to work from. L will have a follow up appointment in 3 months, but the doctor seems to believe she is totally done with vision therapy. That was $2,000 well-spent.
Because we are obviously not spending enough of our income on Occupational Therapy and Vision Therapy, there is one other area we are going to explore to see if it will help L: Play Therapy. I have a nagging concern that L still suffers from some residual effects of early trauma (either from when she was placed with us or possibly from something that happened in the orphanage). I don’t know if trauma is why L shuts down when she is stressed or not, but we are going to get an expert to poke around in her head to see. The therapist hasn’t met L yet, so he can’t say whether or not she will benefit from therapy, but once school is out we will give it a try. Ironically, we are going to see the shrink we saw during our homestudy debacle. I feel comfortable with him and I am confident he will be able to tell us if we need to worry or not.
This is a rather abbreviated post because I am running out the door to M’s Super!! Fun!! Day!! at school, but I didn’t want to leave that IEP post hanging like that. We are still working through our options. Most of the time, L is happy and healthy. I just want to do everything I can to make sure she is getting all the help she needs.
I have been looking into play therapy for my daughter and I’ll be anxious to hear how it goes for L. We get 6 sessions free through my Employee Assistance Plan at work, but of course I couldn’t get any information on the therapists available. A friend got some information on one for me and now I just have to schedule it. So hard to trust others with my little one!
This post really resonates with me…. we have the same concerns with R, she was adopted from Hunan when she was 15 months, and she is almost 5 now, and due to start school in the autumn.
We have nagging concerns from day 1… losse joints, laxity, slow to walk, clumsy, speech delayed, yet extremely bright and every time I brought her to a specialist they always felt that she was within the parameters of normal?
I have always felt that there was a lot going on with her, and despite feeling like an over anxious mother, etc I have continued to have concerns about her. She has recently been assessed and seem to have some ASD/aspergers traits, yet she was presenting atypically.
Eventually a few autism experts and some play therapists suggested RAD. I was not seeing it at all, but recently I decided to research extensively and can now see that ALL the concerns that I have had from day 1 are related to trauma, causing difficulties with attachment (even though she appears very warm and loving and attached, at times I can see her anxieties and need to control)
So many of her problems can be attributed to Developmental Trauma Disorder, and so many kids get misdiagnosed.
She like your L, can appear great some days, and then fall apart on other days.. She has difficulty with social skills, motor skills, and attention, yet is very very bright (hence they thought maybe aspergers)
I have been looking at SPD and how that affects our children, and so many things can be attributed esp the motor skills, attention problems.
Also it appears that R is full of stress and anxiety, and uses up so much energy keeping it together that she can not manage to cope with attention, social skills on top of that at times. When she is better regulated she appears to be so much better, hence my rollercoaster of thinking one day she is so behind, and the very next day I am wondering if I am imagining it.
I have decided to read all I can on attachment, therapeutic parenting, TAAT (neurotransmitter balancing), and OT for SPD.
After all these year wondering about the puzzle of our daughter, I now am convinced her problems are a direct result of trauma, and residual fear, and dysregulation.
Good luck with the apt!
Meadow
PS just to mention, R rarely appears anxious, but her acting behaviour certainly makes sense when we realise there is anxiety in the picture.
Wow, you’re doing just so much to help her. I’m sure it must be tough (not to mention pricey) to have to get her involved in so many kinds of therapy, but it’s wonderful that your family can do that for her.
“It is entirely possible she acted that way to make me look like a total asshole. Heh.”
I have been reading your blog for a while, but I’m not sure I have ever commented. I just had to tell you that I can totally relate to this. I have started a post on my blog about my son called “He’s not fine,” but I just cannot finish it. He was adopted at birth domestically and he and his birthmom were both positive for cocaine. Recently, he was also diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome. It was a huge blow to us, but now that we look at the physical and behavioral symptoms, we can totally see it. The problem is that he has really bad days, but he has really good days, too. When he’s having a good day, well-meaning family members tell me, “He’s fine, Tracy,” and man does it get under my skin. I’m not sure if they are trying to be reassuring, but it feels like they are telling me I am overreacting.
It is so tough when you see behaviors that others don’t always see.
Our first PPT/IEP meeting is on Fri. Lulu will start preschool in Nov. I am so needing to make sure she gets what she needs.
**sang the songs and did the hand motions** Lulu has just started this (sort of) and I am so happy!
She has made great strides once we got her apraxia of speech diagnosis.
You keep going Mama!
I could have written much of this-talk soon.
Hi!! How are you!!! Great to hear L graduated from Vision therapy. Sounds like a rough time for her right now. Just wanted to stop by and say hello!!