My dearest readers and friends in the computer,
I have been thinking about closing up shop here for quite a while. It is time to admit that my blogging mojo is gone.
I started this blog just days before M’s first birthday and now she is a strapping 7 1/2 year old. When I started blogging, L was only our Hypothetical Future Child (HFC) and now she is our child in every way.
This blog helped me through the dark, dark days of new parenting when I thought I was going to lose my ever-loving mind. This blog is where I turned when I was trying to figure out how to make being a multicultural, multiracial family a blessing instead of a burden for my girls. It helped me learn to unpack my invisible knapsack of privilege. Blogging helped me survive the long wait to adopt from China with humor and community. This blog was my refuge when I was in Baby Jail after L came home and I thought I couldn’t make it through another day inside the four walls of my house.
In short, this blog and the people I met here helped me walk through the fire and figure out how to be the mother (and person) I want to be.
Thank you.
My life wouldn’t be what it is today without you, my friends in the computer. While there have been some bumps (and assholes) along the way, blogging has been an overwhelmingly positive experience for me. The support, friendships and community I found here were life-changing.
Some of you became my real-life friends. Some of you remain my friends in the computer. Some of you have been secretly lurking for years and years not realizing that having an audience for the crazy that is my life sometimes was the only thing keeping me sane.
I am so sad to let American Family go.
The things I want to write about (things that cause me stress and angst right now) are unbloggable. The story doesn’t belong only to me and putting it on the internet isn’t worth the risk to the other parties involved or to the relationships we hope to build. We are still searching and hoping to rebuild connections that have been lost. I think this is a road we will have to walk alone.
I was hoping to wait until we finished our big trip to China and Taiwan next year, but I can’t see dragging things out for another 6-12 months just to do a travel blog. I am going to hold on to the domain name, just in case. I have always made snarky comments (who me??) about people who close up their blog and then come back over and over, but now I understand why. This shit is hard, yo. I will still be on Twitter ( su per grrl 7 spacesremoved), if you feel you can’t stand to say goodbye.
A final update about each of us before we go:
M: M is lanky and tall. Sometimes she is a little bit awkward, but she has a lot of confidence. She is missing so many teeth she looks like a jack-o-lantern. She is a gentle girl with a kind heart. Just this summer, she has really come into her own as a big sister. She has started including L in the very involved pokemon games she plays with her stuffed animals. M is smart as a whip and we continue to try to figure out how to get her needs met at school. M was fortunate to have an excellent teacher in the past two years who made sure she was challenged at school. We hope next year will be more of the same. While she complains about learning Chinese, M is making great progress. I can’t wait until we get to China to see how much she understands and if she will feel comfortable speaking. M is goofy and beautiful. Sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I can see the woman she will be one day and it takes my breath away.
L: L is a surprise. She bares almost no resemblance to the chubby-cheeked, somber baby we saw in her referral photos. She is cute as a button and all girl. She has grown a lot lately. From the tiny bug who was wearing size twos on her 4th birthday, she recently shot up into the 20th %tile, much to my relief. She is nimble, compact and strong. She might be a little slow to warm up, but her smile lights up the room. L is cautious but has a stubborn streak that will serve her well (though it might be the death of me!).
This past year with L has been hard. (Actually, I could say that about almost every year with L. But each year for different reasons.) Not that L herself has been hard, but being the best mama to her and figuring out how to get her needs met has been a struggle. I have written a lot here about the challenges of trying to figure out the lingering effects of living in an orphanage – trauma and attachment issues, vision issues, vestibular issues, educational issues – but I don’t want to leave you with the wrong impression. L is amazing. She is smart and funny and she will be just fine. She is figuring out what it means to be adopted. She loves stuffed animals and anything soft and fuzzy. She feels her feelings intensely, but lets them pass quickly. She loves her big sister. She is learning what it means to be a friend. Her capacity for love in spite of all her losses could break my heart into a million tiny pieces. I can’t imagine this family without her spark.
Mr. A: Right now, Mr. A is working at a fancy-pants, piece of cake job. He works only about 50 hours a week and has actually been known to take some time off (!). While he likes this job, we know his days there are numbered. Sometime in the next year he will head back to the land of the corporate lawyers where he will work too much and (hopefully!) make a little more money. We are soaking up as much of this easy time as we can. He is still a wonderful father and the only man I can imagine spending my life with.
Me: I am happy. Really and truly. I am living the life that is better than I could ever have dreamed it would be. I have the perfect little family and I live in a perfect little town. I am surrounded by wonderful friends who live nearby and some who live too far away. Sure, there are a few areas I would like to change: I would love to find our forever house (or at this point almost ANY house) so we can move out of the cramped rental; I would like to have a housecleaner again because it seems I am never going to be a tidy person who enjoys cleaning; I would like to travel more. Recently, I have actually begun to contemplate getting a job once L goes to kindergarten for the sole purpose of funding more Big Trips. We are starting to get ready for our two month trip to China and Taiwan (and maybe Hawaii and somewhere else if we get bored?). I am so excited, I can barely contain myself.
So that’s us. We are riding off into the sunset with our hair trailing in the wind and smiles on our faces. We are finding our Happily Ever After.
It has been a wild and wonderful ride.
Thank You.
Good luck, see you on Twitter ! I am Debbie1573
I have been a lurker for many years – and I will miss reading about your family. I think your posts are very thoughtful, and I wish you all the best.
I have been lurking for years with an occassional comment. I will miss reading your posts but do follow you on twitter. Atleast you did more than I have ever been able to accomplish. I have never been able to get a blog off the ground. Take care.
Awwwwwwww……..
damn- i was just thinking about how much i love reading your blog and you are the last of the folks i read that really challenge me to see things in new and exciting ways (race, culture, adoption issues, etc.) thanks for all your sharing over the years! seriously i have loved reading your blog and am sad to see it go (even if i am more of a lurker than anything). best of luck in the coming years acheiving everything you want! you and the fam will be missed tremendously. and i know we don’t know each other, but if ever you need another virtual friend…just send me a note.
take good care!
I agree with amberpixie, there aren’t many blogs out there anymore that challenge me to think about things in a new way. I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog; I thik I’ve read from the beginning. I’ll miss you!
Your kids are absolutely beautiful. Thanks for sharing them, and your process, with us.
Thank you for the ride – I’ve truly enjoyed following your blog. Wishing you and the rest of the family a life filled with wonderful experiences along its journey.
I’ve mostly lurked over the years, but have to say this: you have taught me SO much and led me SO far along my own path as an adoptive mom. I went into the process knowing almost nothing and began learning shortly before my daughter came home. I started understanding the… I guess the solemnity of it, the real responsibility — not the parent stuff, that I got, but the cultural stuff — at this blog. Since then we have moved cities, taken lessons, and done so much more thanks to what I learned here and elsewhere. I literally cannot thank you enough. I hate seeing you go. But thank you, thank you, for everything.
But, but, but I just got here! I literally have been catching up on your blog for the last week! I’ve enjoyed reading many of your posts and have been particularly interested in what your thoughts have been in regards to L since I too, have an adopted daughter from China and she has her own issues that we (the huz) and I and the school and doctors are sorting through.
Enjoy your time off and i’ll keep this bookmarked and check in periodically in case you decide to drop a note.
Take care and thanks for sharing all that you have,
Christina
Thank you for sharing your experiences over the years !
So sorry to see you go. I’ve learned a lot and have enjoyed reading about your family and was looking forward to hearing about your big trips.
Thanks for staying as long as you did.
Goodbye xxx
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the stories and insights you’ve shared these last few years. Best wishes to you and your family!
I am suprised how sad I am that you won’t be writing anymore. I have really enjoyed your blog. You have great wit and I wish the best for you and your family. I will miss you and your writing. Take care!
Thank you for all your incredible insights – it really has been a joy following your blog. Wishing you and your lovely family a whole lifetime filled with love and happiness!
You will be missed! I have learned so much from your blog, but more from your friendship. I hope we can get together soon!
I’ll cross my fingers that you get your own gig blogging for HGTV. That would be awesome. Big thanks for your many awesome posts, food for thought, sense of humor and snark. Years later I still laugh when I think about your MIL and the turkey.
Look for my Twitter rq…!
xoxo
Thanks for sharing so much of your thinking and your stories these past years….and know that our best wishes and kind thoughts are following you.
I’m really sorry to see you go as I have been reading and occasionally commenting. This has been one of favourite blogs, as you write so well and address so many subjects that are often brushed under the carpet. Let us know if you ever start blogging again! I shall cross my fingers that you will be back in the future.
Thank you for sharing over the years. Come back with your family trip to China!
Thanks for all the sharing you have done. As others have said you have truly challenged me often which I don’t find much in the online world.
Best of luck to all of you in the future and do let us know if you ever do come back online.
Thank you, AmFam! you rock!! Your blog has been an awesome read. My daughters (both born in China) are the same ages as your girls. My family loves Mr. A’s Famous Noodles. I would not have known about the sex ed books without your guidance. I’m reading ‘It’s Amazing’ to my seven year old. Adios for now.
I have long admired your willingness to discuss difficult topics. I love reading about you and your family–thanks for sharing all these years. Good luck, bon courage, my thoughts will be with you!
I am going to miss you, but i clearly understand. I am glad you kept the blog online. I reread both our Open Adoption interviews frequently. It was such a great experience and I thank you for that. The girls look beautiful! Lots of Love and many Blessings on your adventures to China. Your an awesome mother!!! I am blessed to have met you.
Jane
*Sniff* You totally made me cry with this one. Love all of you and most of all love that you are happy. See you soon. XOXO
ahhhh tell us about the new house