The previous owner of our house apparently made quite an impression on everyone who knew him. He was a lawyer who had two (now adult) daughters. He and his late wife moved into this house about 4o years ago. He died two years ago.
Since we moved in, we have heard many stories about this quirky guy: He kept indoor furniture in the garage and dragged it out each night to read on the driveway. He bought man books which filled every nook and cranny in the house. He never cooked and ate out three meals a day. You could set your watch by the time he left for the local pub each evening.
I like quirky people, so I find these anecdotes to be somewhat amusing.
The former owner had a girlfriend we will call Joan. He dated Joan for 11 years. Unfortunately, Joan seems to be having a hard time moving on. I know this because Joan has now stopped by our house FOUR times since we moved in.
The first few visits, I was sympathetic. She came in and talked to the construction guys before we moved in. I was cleaning the poop out of the garage, she was suddenly peeping over the hedges. We made small talk, she told me about the dead guy, she cried, I was appropriately kind. The next day she was at church (conveniently next door to my house!) and saw Mr. A in the yard and stopped by to introduce herself to him. One of the neighbors reported that she came to their house to talk to them and staring out our house for two hours that day.
Unfortunately, Joan sees a LOT of parallels between our family and the dead guy. Lawyer with two daughters, mostly, I guess. The dead guy worked at Mr. A’s old firm, so that is another similarity. Beyond that, there isn’t much more because we don’t hoard books, Mr. A isn’t a widow, he isn’t eccentric, etc.
Joan has asked repeatedly to see the house when we are done fixing it up and I said “sure” because I am nice. I think that was a mistake. The other afternoon, she called our house and asked to come see the floors that very same day. We are still doing a lot of work and the house is a wreck, so I asked her to come Sunday instead.
I showed her the floors and made a point to say I was in the middle of painting and couldn’t socialize very long. I also attempted to keep her in the living room, but she pushed right past me and walked all through the house. Opening every drawer and closet she passed along the way (!!). She told me endless stories about the dead guy who was apparently “almost ready to finally marry [her]” and “this would have been [her] house”. (A claim the neighbors say is quite dubious because the guy seemed perfectly happy to live alone with his books.)
She even insisted on leaving a scrapbook she made about the dead guy, ostensibly for Mr. A (who could care less!). I think it was a ploy to come back again.
She is starting to really creep me out. I believe she is trying to hold on to the dead guy by obsessing about the house. I think we are going to have to set up some clear boundaries, but I feel a little bit bad. I feel sorry for her, but we need this house to start becoming our house. The dead guy’s ghost (and his girlfriend) needs to GO.
Ew. That’s just…creepy. Time for girlfriend to move on. Surely she has friends who can help her cope with her grief, rather than total strangers who just happened to buy her boyfriend’s house.
Hmmm…at first you’d feel for her and the she’d just become a pest. But, what if the old guy is still hanging around the house? You don’t want to anger him. heehee.
Wow.
Could you gently say that these visits upset the children? That they don’t like to think about previous owners or they don’t like these constant reminders of death–even if it’s not true?
so sad. probably her only physical reminder of him and what could have been. you have been very sweet to her so far. I def say something to her
I would tell her that you’re concerned about her emotional state and the effect that being around the house of her dead boyfriend must have on it. Tell her that it’s unhealthy to keep reliving all the old memories, and that you’re worried that the house stirs this up for her. That way, you’re showing that you care and that you’re not rejecting her but that it’s also not good for anyone involved to have her keep coming around. Oh, and… Mr. A isn’t eccentric?!
Nope. Don’t get involved (read: sucked in) in her emotional life at all. You are not her friend. You have already been nice. She doen’t get to come in again. You are not home and, even if you are, she does not get to come in again because you are doing something inside with your family and friends and she is not one of those. No, there isn’t a good time in the future. If you must, and I know you will, once more, with nobody else there but you, and at the end of the tour it is over and you will not have her back and you say so.
YIKES! That’s super weird! Good luck with Joan!
Totally creepy. You’ve been more than nice. I’m not sure if it’s the dead guy she’s not able to let go of. It seems more like she can’t let go of the fact that the house was “almost” hers.
I missed my old house in the WORST way and was so curious what the new owner did with it. I sold by owner so met her and her mom several times and being a small town ran into them several times (I still run into the people I bought it from). They invited me to come see it, but I thought that would be weird. I can’t imagine stopping by numerous times. Now his girls wanting to see it after 40 years, I can see…once.
I’m thinking this woman needs some help. Perhaps you should suggest she talk to her priest/pastor:)
Creepy. This sounds like a movie plot, kind of a cross between “Sixth Sense” and “Fatal Attraction.”
You have been really nice to her so far.
She sounds a bit like my Stalker Mom from this summer. And that’s all I’m saying about that.
Sad, turning creepy. Sounds like the beginning of a Lifetime movie. Firm boundaries are in order.
Yep, sad with a heaping side of the creeps. Good luck with the boundaries — I’m curious to hear how you manage it.
You sound like a lovely neighbour. It’s been 2 years since the previous owner died! His girlfriend needs to be encouraged to let go. Good luck.
[...] looked out the window and realized it was the dead guy’s girlfriend peeping at my house. This is particularly weird because I just saw her sitting in the parking [...]
[...] time! And of course she wanted to see it. She probably wanted me to invite her in so she can look in our drawers and closets again. (Apparently, I didn’t blog about that, but when she came to pick up her dumb scrapbook [...]