(This story is kind of long and complicated, so I am breaking it into several different posts.)

I have had a small situation with L in the last few weeks.  To make a long story short, she has been saying “I *hate* my skin.” and  I *hate* my black hair.” She even said “I hate my whole self.”

It is hard to write this because it sounds really heartbreaking.  But in reality, it wasn’t as bad as it sounds.

Don’t get me wrong, these aren’t things I want her to say or think or feel.  But she is also *hating* lots of things lately.  She hates dinner. She hates her bangs (this one worries me because I am afraid she is going to chop them off).  She hates a certain show.  Lately she has been hating things, I think to see if she can get a reaction from us.

The first time she said she hates her skin, I am sure I did a double take, even though she was very nonchalant when she said it.  (Actually, I almost swerved the car off the road.)  I tried to stay calm and asked her a few follow up questions like “What kind of skin/ hair do you want?”  Her reply was “I want WHITE skin like Brian.” (He is white kid at school.  She also mentioned two other white kids when asked.)  She also said “I want blonde curly hair like Brianna.”

In a some ways, L is a perceptive kid.  I think she noticed that those self-hating comments got my attention and so she has repeated them. (She says the bangs thing ALL THE TIME, probably because I can’t help but respond so strongly. I don’t want her to chop them off before we go to China.)

Because L was only mentioning kids at school (not any other white kids or adults she knows, including me), I decided I should contact the school to see if there had been an incident that could have triggered this sudden negative self-talk.

So I wrote a brief email to the school explaining what was going on and asking if the teachers had any ideas about what might have brought it on…

(more tomorrow)