Talk of our trip has been hot and heavy in the last week or so. In these discussions, it has become clear that L is a little, shall we say confused about China.
“When we go to China, will I be a baby?” she asks almost every time it comes up.
“Uh, no.” we tell her “You will still be you and four years old.”
“But China has lots of BABIES.” she tells me in a clear slow voice that implies she thinks I am kind of dumb.
“We have babies here in America too,” I tell her. ”Look at your cousin B. She is a baby and she lives in America There are babies all over the world.”
“”Hmm.” says L, clearly unconvinced.
In a bid to add some cultural exposure before our trip*, we had a family movie night and watched Mulan last week.
A few minutes into the film, L sat straight up in her seat. Her face perplexed.
“Hey! ” she said, “This isn’t CHINA!”
“Yes. This story is supposed to be in China. But this a pretend version of China” we told her.
“Well, where are the ayis? (nannies)” she asked.
Clearly, L’s imagined China is basically just a big orphanage. In her experience (though it was in a pre-verbal time for her), I guess that is what it was. She has seen pictures of herself in the orphanage with other babies and ayis. She is a kid who likes concrete examples and no amount of other pictures of China will convince her that isn’t what it is like.
Girlfriend is in for a rude awakening when we get off the plane.
*Ok, that was total sarcasm. Mulan isn’t great cultural exposure, but at least it is vaguely realted to China and isn’t full of babies.
Funny, we have a friend who is in China right now and when I told the kids she sent us a video my son asked, “L’s in China? Is she a baby?” It’s been great for them to see the videos of our friends on the street, watching dumplings being made, in their apartment, riding in a taxi, etc. This trip will be so great for your girls!
I love how kids can believe they might turn back the clock in some magic way. What imagination to believe that you would turn into a baby in a new place!
Oh goodness, she is going to be so surprised!!
So glad to find you blogging again, I removed you from my bookmarks when you said you were quiting and just found you again the other day. Hooray! Anyway, I might be over-reading this, but my little one (came home at 35 months, home for three plus years) who I’ve always felt shared some similiar traits as L, has always been fearful that going to visit China equates being left there again. No matter how well we explain it to her, she sadly can not shake this fear. I’m wondering if you have given any thought to her perhaps being fearful that she is going to be left? Perhaps the trip is bringing up painful memories for her and bringing that fear to the surface? For instance, my daughter, now six, had a terrible experience the other day. My husband was pumping gas with her in the car and moved out of her sight to put something in the trash. Her reaction, at age six, was heart-breaking. She started knocking on the window, thinking someone would let her out so she could walk to me at work. She equated him being out of sight to being left without parents. This all took place in about two minutes, and ever since then, we can’t be out of her sight, because she thinks we’ll be gone. She’s been doing really well, but I think that wound from being left is so primal and always just under the surface…Hoping you all have a lovely trip and can’t wait to follow along. Best, Antinette
Several responses. The first, my little one now believes that in China everyone sleeps in bunk beds and it is very very cold -based on our trip to Beijing last year. She’s confused as to why there are no bunk beds in the photos from her orphanage. She is the same age as L. Very concrete and trying to piece everything together.
My oldest hates China and everything associated with China since our trip last year. Visiting definitely raised her fears of abandonment and a whole host of adoption issues. It has been hard. Heads up on that. She’s 9 – so older than L. We were planning another trip to Southern China – to their hometowns – for this summer but are seriously rethinking it.
Finally – I’m so looking forward to your trip. Probably almost as much as y’all are!
Now you have to watch Kung Fu Panda. DS loves that movie and it made him love China.
He wants to go to Russia because it is big. He doesn’t want to go to Hawaii because he has already seen America before. LOL And now that I think about it, he is not crazy about Lilo and Stitch. I just occurred to me that may have something to do with not wanting to go to Hawaii??? Hmmmmm…..