We have been in China for about two weeks now. Mr. A and I have been to a number of the places we visited before, so the stuff in China hasn’t been too thrilling, but there are still some things that have taken me by surprise.
I was hoping the girls would enthusiastically practice their Chinese. Shockingly, L (who is a very reluctant Chinese student at home) has been trying to use Chinese left and right. More often with us than with Chinese people we meet, but she is even trying to string together some sentences. Yesterday she said “Wo hao chi! Wo hen hao chi!” which isn’t exactly grammatically correct, but her meaning was understood. (Meaning being I like to eat this! Yum!)
On the other end of the spectrum is M, who actually has decent elementary Chinese comprehension. She wouldn’t speak at all the first two weeks because she realized how little Chinese she actually knows and she can’t put together what she really wants to say. She is a perfectionist in general and apparently Chinese is no exception. She is embarrassed to try and make mistakes. In the last couple days, she has ventured a few test uses of Chinese which were well received by locals, so she is maybe warming up a little.
When we are out and about as a family, we garner little attention (in the select environments of Beijing, Shanghai and half-foreigner Yangshuo). When we are out as a family, some people will check us out and then look closely at the girls. M is clearly mixed, but L confuses the heck out of people. People will point and say “M looks like Mrs. and L looks Chinese!” , but that doesn’t happen too often. It happens much less than I expected.
In addition to the comparison between L and M issue, L also gets the most attention because:
A) chinese people really like little kids and are very kind to them
B) L is very cute, especially when bundled up in a hundred layers of clothing in the cold and
C) she speaks english which they seem to find adorable and highly amusing.
People especially like it when she is throwing a bit of a snit. Stomping and yelling in english is apparently the cutest thing people have ever seen in their entire lives. (Honestly, I think tiny kids speaking other languages are also pretty adorable so I can understand that feeling. And to defend L who rarely throws fits in public at home, she is much more likely to be hungry/tired/overstimulated here because we are out so much. And also, she is four.)
When just L and I are out, oh, the gawking. One guy almost wrecked his moped trying to figure us out. People can’t help but ask if L is Chinese if only I am with her. On two different occasions, I tested telling people that L was adopted (Ta shi lingyangde haizi) and I did not like the response. Both times, it led to much whispering, pointing and discussion with other bystanders. It also led to many pitying looks for L, nasty comments about countryside people and thanking us for adopting her. I tried to do a little education, but it was barely worth the effort. The whole scene was very awkward and not something I want to repeat, if possible. Especially not when L is within earshot.
I am now following Mr. A’s tactic of pretending we don’t notice that they are noticing. If out alone with L, I will say in Chinese “Her father is Chinese. ” Actually, I say “my husband is overseas chinese” which is not a phrase L can understand (wode xiansheng shi meiji huaren) . Better that little white lie than subjecting L to more weirdness about adopted kids.
Certainly, sometimes people who don’t ask must guess that L is adopted or wonder about the crazy genetics in which a laowai would spit out a totally Chinese looking kid, but beyond mentioning that the girls look like different parents we haven’t had much of an issue about it. If they figure out she is adopted, they probably assume we are handling it the Chinese way and would never admit it out loud or to strangers anyway.
One exception was a very nice ayi at a store in Yangshuo. We were looking to buy slippers for each of us and she took a special shine to L. She kept bringing her more and more slippers to try and L was stubbornly refusing to like the ones that fit her feet. She was making stubborn faces and refusing the slippers and the ayi was saying how cute she was. Then she turned to us and said, “Thank you so much for adopting her. I am so happy she has a family.” She did the prayer hands at us and fawned over L some more. Then she hugged and kissed M and told her she was very pretty too. (And then she went on to discuss the fact that M has an unfortunate foreigner nose, which M fortunately didn’t hear!)
L has noticed people looking at her from time to time. She will say “Why is everyone looking at me?!?” and “STOP LOOKING AT ME!” But usually, this happens when she is being saucy and they are looking at her because she is creating a bit of a scene as much as anything else. Maybe she has noticed some lingering glances when she isn’t pissed off and is venting then too.
I have tried to have a conversation a few times here with L, explaining that people notice that she looks Chinese while I do not because she was adopted from China and didn’t grow in my tummy (her words, despite my repeated attempts to get her to say uterus). She seems completely uninterested in the whole idea of me not looking Chinese or the fact that Chinese people have an ethnic look or that *she* looks Chinese. I really thought seeing all these Chinese people in China would help her have some comprehension about it, but so far, no go.
M, on the other hand, is disappointed to not be garnering more attention. When we were last in China, she was 4 (the age L is now) and she was the star of the show. Now that she is older, people don’t seem to be so interested or think she is so cute. She is a little jealous that people are more likely to fawn over L.
I know this is not the most coherent post and it might sound like I am trying to sweep the issue under the rug, but the fact is it is a mixed bag. I am doing my best to read the girls’ concerns over the attention we do get, but for the most part, I think no one is suffering too much so far.
