Today, M was particularly frustrated with L. This resulted in the usual squabbling, but at the end of it, M made a spitting sound at L. She didn’t actually spit, but still, totally unacceptable.
M is completely unfazed by time outs, time in her room or grounding from various privileges, so instead I made her write an essay on the topic of “Why we treat our family as good as our friends.”
This is what M wrote: (typed by me because M chose to write some of it in cursive, which is somewhat illegible. Spelling errors are M’s, not mine.)
We treat our family as good as our friends because we love our family. Families love each other and spend time together. Adopted or not, all families should be treated the same. We treat our family good because we don’t want to break the trust between each other. Sometimes there are two dads in a family, or two moms. Some children are born alone and some are born together. If they are, there are triptuplets, quadruplets, sixtuplets and fiftuplets. THere are grandmas or nana, babbus, and so on. There are grandpas, or papas and so on. THere are aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, coisens, husbands and wifes. There are babies, children, teens and grown-ups. Some people are adopted. That means you take someone an other person can’t take care of. Then they become part of your family. You can’t spit at another person in your family because you want to be nice to your family, and spitting isn’t nice. All families get sad, happy and angry. It is pirfecly fine to feel that way. It is great to have a family.
M has never written an essay before, but I can see she has inherited my ability to fill space with useless information when you don’t have enough to say. I believe she felt she answered the question in her first sentence, but then added a second concluding sentence on the topic way at the end. All the rest? Filler. That’s my girl.
Ps. You can vote for me more than once!
The lovely Princess Nebraska has a post called “Things I am trying to teach my 4 year old son“, which is timely because I could use a minute to remember that I my job is bigger than just sacrificing my sanity to the mini dictators I call my children for no good reason.
So with a tip of the hat to Princess Nebraska, here is a list of things I am trying to teach my daughters.
- Think ahead and plan accordingly. Your mother is not a butler who will bring a towel to you when you are standing in the bathroom dripping wet, nor will she bail you out when you are in Europe and you didn’t bring enough money to get yourself home again.
- Try everything on your plate (literally and metaphorically). Don’t shy away from something because it is unfamiliar or other people say it is weird. Remember the rambutan.
- Being pretty is all well and good, but it is just as important to be funny and smart.
- It isn’t worth it to wear shoes that hurt your feet.
- Being dumb or uneducated isn’t cute.
- Don’t spend more money than you have. Don’t create credit card debt.
- Marry someone smart who thinks you are just as smart as they are . Your partner should be your best friend.
- When your mom asks you to leave her alone four times, you can pretty much guarantee the fifth time she is going to yell.
- Always bring an extra layer in case you get cold.
- Be able to kill bugs on your own, but marry someone who won’t give you a hard time if you ask them to kill a spider.
- Treat people with respect, even when they haven’t earned it.
- If a friend is saying mean things about her other friends, you can be sure she is saying the same things about you when you aren’t there. This is not a good friend.
- You have to know where you come from so you can know where you are going.
- Most people think their own country and culture is superior. Yours is no better than anyone else’s, it is just more comfortable for you. You can’t understand your own culture until you experience others. See as much of the world as you can.
- Sometimes you have to stop and be still so you can hear yourself think. For the love of all that is holy, please be still sometimes so your mother can hear herself think.
- Sex is fun and a healthy part of your life. It isn’t a moral issue. It *is* a health issue. Choose partners who prioritize your safety and enjoyment as much as their own.
- Figure out what and who brings you joy. Make those things a priority.
- Always have a backup plan. Be able to support yourself and any children you have financially. Buy more insurance than you think you need.
- Apologize when you are wrong. Apologize for your own actions, not for how someone else’s feelings. (e.g. “I am sorry I screwed up” is much better than “I am sorry you are upset”.)
- Treat your family as well as you treat strangers and your friends. Your sister may not be your best friend, but you will know her your whole life. If you are mean to her, you will still have to hear about it when you are 80.
- Start a retirement fund as soon as you start earning any income.
- Don’t pick your nose or touch your genitals in public. Feel free to do those things in private.
- Both love and blood make families. You get to decide how important those factors are, but we think both are important.
- Good grades are important, but working hard is MORE important.
- Don’t turn your back on a friend just because someone else is more exciting, entertaining or popular.
- Clean up after yourself. Replace the toilet paper roll when you use the last bit. Don’t leave spit in the sink when you brush your teeth. Close the car door when you get out.
- Vote Democrat. We will probably still love you if you become flaming Republicans–probably–but it would be better if you are Democrats.
- Some day you will try to rebel to get a rise out of us. Knock yourself out. I guarantee you, it is going to be hard to impress your formerly pink-haired, tattooed, tongue-pierced raver mama. On the other hand, it will be quite easy to get a rise out of your father.
- Vote your conscious, not your wallet. Most of all, VOTE. Your ancestors have been denied that right, people died and went to jail for the opportunity you have. Use it.
- Be pro-choice, pro-equality, pro-freedom and pro-justice. Stand up for people who can’t stand up for themselves. Always vote for school levies, mental health funding and health care for everyone. Pay your taxes without complaint so you can live in a country where even the least fortunate aren’t left to fend for themselves.
- Don’t let other people tell you who you are. Be a person you can be proud of.
Tonight, I updated the photos I send to L’s family with pictures of us at our city’s Asian festival and at a Memorial day parade.
While we enjoy the Asian Festival, I suspect that the concept will be a little weird to people in a pretty mono-cultural country. If China had a North America Festival, where people had mock Memorial Day parades and Forth of July sparklers, I would think it was mighty strange. It would also be weird if they dressed their kids in Victorian formal costumes and took their pictures.
I imagine that is what they think when they see a dragon dance parade and my kids wearing Imperial Chinese headress/qipao and a kimono with fan. (Provided by the festival for dress up, not from our house. L was so cute in the headband, I couldn’t not send it.)
Yeah, it is probably making them scratch their heads.
Then I sent pictures of L at a Memorial Day parade, but of course I had to explain what that is too. A day when we honor dead soldiers by driving convertibles, marching high school bands and shriners in funny hats drive on tiny bikes while people throw candy to small children. Oh, and then we go home and barbeque.
Ah, America. You are a strange land. I love you, but I am a tad embarrassed trying to explain you to outsiders.
I don’t usually worry about stats or badges or whatever, but today I got an email saying I was nominated for Circle of Moms Top 25 Adoption blogs.
Now, all my blog ad money is being saved to take L back to China to visit her birth family, so the more links and readers I get, the better. (You would think that would encourage me not to alienate readers with massive doses of snark, but nope. I need readers who like both honesty and snark.)
If you want to vote for my blog, you can click right here:
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