Old Man Meal

A couple years ago, we moved Mr.A’s dad (FIL) down to our city.  He lives in a tiny subsidized senior  apartment a few blocks from our house.  He has always been a very quiet and solitary guy.  Sometimes he struggles with mental health issues, but he also seems to be very, very quiet too.

Ever since he moved, I have been trying to convince him to sign up for Meals on Wheels.  He didn’t want to have the at-home delivery because he said he “doesn’t eat lunch” and he knew he “wouldn’t like that American food anyway.”  The local organization which runs a MoW program also has a program where they provide lunches at “dining centers” six days a week, so I tried to get him to try that option.

I first heard of these dining centers back when M attended chinese school (yes, we are dropouts).  There is a bus that goes around and picks up seniors and takes them to the dining centers if they cannot drive.  Each day, there is an Asian (actually, just Chinese) lunch option, so the bus was called the Chinese Lunch Bus because it mostly picked up older Chinese people and drove them to the specified Chinese restaurant.  The Chinese Lunch Bus is kind of infamous among local Chinese families.  When parents or grandparents arrive to visit from China, they are often immediately signed up and off they go for lunch each day.  (There is also a Somali option, which is awesome because we have a huge Somali community here.)

I tried and tried to convince FIL to go on the Chinese Lunch Bus, but he resisted for years.  Finally, when we went on our trip, he agreed to check it out–but he wouldn’t ride the bus, he would drive himself.

By the time we got back from our trip, FIL was a convert to what he calls the Old Man Meal. (Apparently in Chinese this sounds better – lao ren can).  He goes six days a week and has the locations memorized.  It only costs him $1.25 each day, which does his thrifty Tiawanese heart good.

Since he joined, not only does FIL get a decent meal each day, he has actually made friends and goes on social outings.  If you knew my FIL, you would know how huge this is.  He has found other old people who also like to wander around the Park of Roses taking grainy or blurry photos of flowers.   He has also gone on a carpool convoy to a private fancy garden somewhere outside of town.  He has invited some of the neighbors from his apartment complex to join him.   There is even a rumor he may also have a girlfriend (!).

Someday, Mr. A and I really want to go to the Old Man Meal just to check it out.  FIL reports there is even a growing number of (gasp!) white people who have started going too.  Mr. A finds this hilarious because when he asked FIL what the white people call it (Do they call it the old man meal too?) FIL reports they call it the “Chinese Person Meal”.

Not only does FIL enjoy the Old Man Meal, he is now branching out.  He discovered a local church serves a free fellowship dinner once a month.  He is insisting we join him next month.  I wouldn’t be surprised if word spread about this free meal among the Old Man Meal crew and we discover an army of old, cheap Chinese people taking the Episcopalians up on their generosity.

Learning about Our Girl

Before I start, I have been thinking about doing this for a while:  If I start referring to the girls as Elle (L)and Em (M) is it  less confusing than L and M?  Do two E names seem as confusing as just initials?  Someone who has read me for a while told me that initials are still confusing to her.  Yes, no?  What do you think?

http://www.easypolls.net/poll.html?p=4e36960ec83fb0e41b3f6f97

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Yesterday, something amazing happened.  L learned to swim.  As with almost anything involving L, learning to swim didn’t happen the easy way.  It involved a lot of tears, a tantrum, threats and a bribe.

Many years ago, when she was 2, L slipped under the water for a second at swimming lessons.  Seriously, it was less than a second before Mr. A grabbed her and pulled her back to her feet.  She was never in any danger, but she never forgot that she was scared.  She refused to put her head near the water for TWO YEARS after that.  This girl has the memory of an elephant.  She never forgets.

After many, many lessons, L has made a little progress since then.  She will blow bubbles, she will play in the water (though she hasn’t been able to move out of the level 1 class after FOUR sessions).  She will jump of the side if you hold her hand—unless she is wearing floaties.  With floaties, she is a daredevil who yells “Cannonball!” as she bellyflops in the pool.

L loves to paddle around using floaties, but they are obviously a crutch that lets her avoid learning to swim the right way.  I have been kind of lax about making her practice without floaties, but yesterday I was bored and Mr. A was playing with M, so I told L she had to practice for a few minutes without them.  She needed to take them off and show me how she could use her arms and legs for swimming like she had at lessons last week (2 kicks, two arms were the best she had done so far.)

I could tell she was nervous.  She thought about it.  She refused.  She tried to bargain. She got mad and yelled. I made her get out and sit in a chair until she was willing to give it a try.  She threw a huge hissy fit. After about 10 minutes of ridiculousness, I got fed up and made her get in the water where she screeched and yelled like I was killing her (she was actually just standing there in water where she could touch.)  I could feel the disapproval from both my mom and Mr. A because I was ruining L’s fun day at the pool.

Finally, I told her she could have icecream last night if she only tried it one time.  If you know L, you know that food is her ultimate motivator.  She will do pretty much anything for a sucker or a piece of gum.  Ice cream was above and beyond her wildest dreams.

After waffling for a few more teary minutes, she decided to give it a try.  She put on her goggles and went for it.

Wouldn’t you know, she did it!   She swam from one end of the steps to the middle of the steps!

We all jumped up and down and cheered.  I picked L up and twirled her around in the air.  She was laughing and excited before she remembered she had been crying only a minute before and reverted to a few last sobs to make the point of how mistreated she has been.

Then she spent the next two hours REFUSING to put her floaties back on while she swam back and forth and back and forth.  She not only showed us she could do a beginner version of the crawl stroke, she let me teach her how to breast stroke AND swim underwater.  After the first hour, I started wishing she would just put on her floaties so I could sit in the shade already.

Here is the thing about L:  She doesn’t like to try new things.  She has to be dragged kicking and screaming (sometimes literally) if  she thinks there is even the slightest chance she will fail.  This is annoying, especially when we know she can do what we are asking.

But if you can push her out of comfort zone and give her just the tiniest taste of success?

There is no stopping her.

(The converse of this, of course, is if she fails or feels embarrassed by messing up she will NEVER EVER try again.  This is why I couldn’t be more than 3 feet from her as she practiced her new skill.  One inhalation of water or moment of panic and it would take years for us to get her back in the pool without floaties.  Every time I saw her starting to flail or accidentally swim toward the drop off to the deeper part, I had to swoop in before she noticed she was in trouble.)

Last night, we all went out for victory ice cream.  L kept saying “This ice cream is for ME, right?  Because I was scared but then I was brave!  And now I can swim!”

That victory ice cream was the sweetest ice cream ever.