So.
Tonight, we got a letter. From our friend Joan. The dead guy’s girlfriend.
Ohhhh, yes we did.
This is what it said:
Amfam,
Your comment last friday as I merely stopped by to visit with you was one of the most hurtful and insulting I have ever received in my 75 years. Deadguy was the great love of my life and it has been a huge loss having him gone. I have parked in the same place for years and have no intention of changing as long as I attend the church next door. Friday was a funeral.
For awhile now I had wanted to stop by and see the progress you had made on the house. When we last talked, you were working on the kitchen and changing some paint colors. I admired your enthusiasm!
Also, I never got to meet your girls. I don’t find that odd since I have three daughters myself and help a lot with their decorating. They all graduated from our town high school. One with Deadguy’s daughter.
Believe me, when I look at your home it is not you I am thinking of but the many memories of 11 years with dear Deadguy. I have lived in our town for many years so I enjoy walking there with my friend Linda who was with me the day we walked past your house.
I have a beautiful picture of Deadguy’s flower bed in my living room. It was spectacular the year he left.
I don’t know where you came up with the idea I am “creepy” but I have confidence my friends will tell you different and I am sorry this is the attitude you have chosen.
Very Sincerely,
Joan
I am not even going to comment on that little implied dig about the sad state of the flowerbed now. I am more concerned about her ongoing interest in relating our girls AND the fact that she is going to park in the parking spot right next to our yard entrance come hell or high water! Even if it creeps people out!
This seems crazy, no?
Also, I would like to add, she was not just walking by our yard. She was WAY UP IN the yard. For a VERY long time. And I have seen her in front of our house at least 1-2 times a week in addition to the twice a week she attends church for the past month or so. Her house is in the opposite direction and yet she is quite frequently driving very very slowly by our house over and over.
Edited to add: Follow up to this post here.
Keep the letter for evidence and start photographing her w/ a time stamp camera every time she comes and stares at the house. Seriously. She is creepy.
What Betsy said. You need to start building a “stalker” case. The fact that she mentioned “meeting your daughters” is the most disturbing thing to me. If you take this to the authorities, that’s what will interest them the most, IMHO. That’s the real “creepy” part.
Wow, does she need to get a life or what?!
oh boy! I have this hopeless/helpless feeling though that whatever you tell/show her (i.e. photos with timestamp suggested above) won’t change her mind about her not being creepy and weird. Sigh…
I’m so sorry you’ve got to deal with this craaaaazzyyyy lady! And the flowerbed comment? What was that? yikes!
wait a minute… and the writer’s so bad that it’s hard to keep up. Did she really say she hasn’t met your daughters and then writes that she “does not find that odd because she has three daughters and helps them with decorating?” Whaaaa…? what does she mean there? That she doesn’t find odd that you have daughters because she has them too? whatever…
Yup, that is exactly what she wrote. Well, almost exactly because I corrected some of the punctuation. I hate missing commas.
(I mean to write “the writing” not “the writer” though the writer is obviously bad
)
Two words: Restraining order
You don’t have a pet bunny, do you?
I will chime in to agree. A written log is a good first step; photos are good too. Not to convince her but to have a record. Creepy indeed.
Ask karen to borrow our pet bat. She found it and put it on a leash, which was very kind. But I think that having a bat around will help. If you can’t beat ‘em, bat ‘em.
Log everything with photographs that time and date. We have a friend who had to move due to a creepy neighbour. He stole their cat, claimed it was his. Was way too overly friendly with their daughters. Police couldn’t do anything nor could social services as they lacked proof. Whole family is now in therapy..so what seems silly can really not be.
If it didn’t sound so paranoid I’d put a cctv camera on the front of the house aiming it at wherever she could walk in. And of course last solution is fence and gates with a large NO TRESPASSING sign.
If you build a case that is enough for a restraining order (not sure what all that entails), she may actually not be allowed to park in the same spot she always parks at, as it might be too close. Her inability to understand clear boundaries is definitely a cause for concern.. I agree that her comment about your girls is leaning on the way creepy side. I imagine she is harmless, but regardless, she needs to STOP.
You *could* always park in “her” parking spot…
Dear Joan,
This is what a restraining order looks like. Enjoy!
I agree: restraining order and documentation.
Maybe you could talk to the priest/minister at the church she attends? Sounds like she needs grief counseling.
That is exactly what I decided to do this morning.
Eesh! I’m glad that she’s stayed on the non-violent side of creepy to date, and hopefully this is her swan song of a letter. (If she can’t leave you alone because it’s the polite thing to do, maybe she’ll do it because she finds you *im*polite?)
I hope that it’s just poor grammar that makes the comment about the girls seem so squicky, and here’s hoping that she’s too offended to want to keep snooping around your house!
She’s 75? Hopefully she’ll be moving on soon as well and can be reunited with her beloved in his spectacular flower bed in the sky.
i agree about the grief counseling. she is being creepy, but it seems to be related to him, not to you all (despite the comment on the girls, which maybe she was just trying to find common ground. the letter is not too coherent). take photos and document, and i hope she gets the help she seems to need.
I have a similar situation to Joan – I had to move out of my family home when my mother died. I lived there WAY longer too – 29 years! I have been back ONCE, and was asked to come inside. It was BEAUTIFUL!
Now here is my 2 cents….I have never again asked to come back, look inside etc. I drive by often b/c I have friends near there, sometimes I slow down to look @ exterior decorating progress but never park there! If that is creepy too at least I’m not walking around their yard uninvited!
So your lady – VERY creepy! I agree with what everyone else said..document, document, document! And do not hesitate to contact the police if this escalates.
BTW….Love you blog!
while she does indeed appear creepy, I do believe she is harmless when it comes to the safety of your girls.
while this is not an excuse or cop out.. I think she is just a nosy old woman grieving the loss of her DeadGuy and your home is the only thing that still connects her to him.
I feel sorry for her in a way
I would put in a call to speak to a police officer. The letter you have is physical evidence he or she could look at…they’d be able to tell you what steps to take in the future to keep a record of this behavior, something that’d be handy in getting a restraining order, as would the police report.
“It was spectacular the year he left.” He didn’t leave. He is not coming back. He is dead. Now will begin the menacing efforts to get you to engage with her crazy (because if you engage with her crazy, then in the corners of her mind she will be less crazy)–expect the parking by the side gate to continue in earnest, with perhaps extended time in the car or against the car gazing at your home, and amped up walks by the house. Do not engage. Talk to the pastor. If she comes on your lawn, call the police. Do not engage with crazy.
I agree with everyone else, start documenting, esp. with photo evidence. Mentioning your daughters is really creeping me out right now.
My husband had a bad experience with a long-time elderly neighbour who developed Alzheimer’s and accused him of breaking into her home and stealing her gold and crucifix ^^?? We had to get social services involved and she was eventually recovered in a home.
You should get one of those annoying small dogs that snap and bite people they don’t know…you know like the ones on the Dog Whisperer show that seem like dogs from h..ll. Get a pic of her and train the dog to bite her ankles every time she approaches the house…that should get rid of her!! LOL!
This is just evidence of crazy. She is probably just harmless, sad, and clueless. Ignore her if you can, but document. I have filed police reports for less, and they were happy to tell the creep to Stay! Away!
Oo, classic emotional manipulation. You are setting your boundaries, and she is trying to guilt trip you about it? Nonono. Do not fall for it. (Not that you appear to be giving her a pass – I’m just weighing in.) I’m with your other commentators: disengage, document, and yes, inquire to the police about it. I’d think a report or complaint would get it on record. So sorry you have to even deal with this. Stay strong and clear.